luvtoto Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Is it better to rely on a "chance" encounter or decide to proactively go out there and meet your future wife/husband? Myself? I am waiting for the "chance" encounter or allowing things to unfold in their own time. I looked for years...now, I've decided to give up 'ownership' of my destiny...so to say. I figure, if it was meant to be it will be. Any opinions? Does effort need to be put into finding that special someone or just go along with your life and let destiny take charge? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I think if you look where you already are you are more likely to find a suitable partner......your interests, hobbies, or things that you desire to do. I think if you look to hard you miss out on the ones that are smack in front of you. But sitting watching TV is not going to help find you a partner either. Go do what you want to do.... you may be surprised when the right person falls into your lap...... or you into their lap They may show up in the laundry mat even..... LOL! Get out there and do not be shy about it! If you see something interesting at a store don't you pick it up to examine it further...... do the same with people a4a - bubbles can kiss my hairy monkey butt Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 Thanks a4a. Sorry didn't get back to my thread sooner...I posted my thread, then went to lunch. How rude! Thanks for your insight! I'll be doing my laundry at the laundromat this weekend! JK! Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 By the way, someone once told me good things come to those that wait... Crossing my fingers on that one! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Every relationship I've been in has been the result of a chance encounter. I don't believe in proactively looking for someone as I did that long ago back in HS and it never worked. Even my XW asked me to marry her! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 someone once told me good things come to those that wait... Well, that "someone" was wrong. Life rewards action, not passivity. If you want a new job, a new partner, a new house or a new outlook, it will require effort. Now, chance encounters happen all the time and occasionally sparks fly. But I think it's foolhardy to expect the universe to just throw stuff in your path that you were waiting for. Then again, maybe I'm wrong. I've been wrong before. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Then again, maybe I'm wrong. According to my life experience - relationship-wise - yep, you're wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 If you want a new job, a new partner, a new house or a new outlook, it will require effort. Now, chance encounters happen all the time and occasionally sparks fly. But I think it's foolhardy to expect the universe to just throw stuff in your path that you were waiting for. I agree with this--get out and meet people, and if you really feel a connection with someone, ask them out instead of wringing your hands about it and assuming they can guess your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 Thank you very much for all your advice! Don't get me wrong, I used to look and didn't find much either....except for a really nice male friend. Maybe, I have quite looking cause I am smittin' on him. But, he's definetely not ready for anything...just got divorced. I've just heard from so many people that the minute you aren't looking then that's when it'll happen. What's that all about? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 It's really more about whether you're desperate or not. You could go on a quest and not be desperate - just determined. I agree with Slub that life rewards action. You can't sit home and hope that your prince charming will just happen to be the pizza guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 I don't even mention finding someone to date around my friends. They make me feel like there is something wrong with me. They'll say things like...you don't need a man and blah blah blah. It's easy for them to say, cause they get to go home to a full house, with their husbands, and families after they get done giving me their advice. So, I've had it instilled that it's wrong or something to want to look and get out there. You should have heard reactions from them when I tried online dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Stuff 'em. It's your life. Go read Albert Ellis' book on relating and dating. Do what you want. But don't do it because the only thing you want in life is a guy. Do it if you've decided you'd like a relationship and to be proactive about it. If there's the faintest whiff of desperation, guys will flyyyy. Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 That's really true about the desperation thing. The ONLY times I've met men were when I really wasn't interested in being in a relationship or was already in one. Of course when I WANTED a man, and was looking they were nowhere to be found! Just go about your normal business. Get yourself out there and be AWARE but not actively LOOKING. It will happen if you're open to it but not desperate. Link to post Share on other sites
stevestunts Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 seems to me everytime i actaully go looking or make a effort on trying to date someone it all goes drasticly wrong after a couple of months. my last gf was like that, it was kinda doomed from the beginning but of course i was lonely and tried to deal with her ways. i felt that this was Proactive looking which for me, doesn't work. Im in the process of going back to "chance encouters" where 3 lovely realtionships i had before blossomed from. Lovely meaning everything was wonderful from day one til the end. I now have 3 amazing friends that know me inside out and viseversa, a truly lovely friendship that everyone must have in their lives. i guess i agree then ...work on you and your second half will follow. Link to post Share on other sites
Apathygrip Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Almost every relation I've been in was the outcome of me avidly lookin for a partner. You gotta get out there and get rejected, get numbers....just don't let the whole deal frustrate you. It can be intimidating but once you get used to rejection nothing really matters Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 Oh my gosh...I have been a late nighter on LS these last few nights...gotta get to bed early tonight so I'll keep it brief. Jus' my opinion, but let's not use the word 'desperate' anymore,K? Do I really sound that way?! I sure didn't want to give that impression. Being alone these last few years has been a blessing in disguise. It's forced me to find out exactly what kind of person I am *without* a guy. I'm learning how to be a better mother. I'm learning how to put my kids first before anything else...and that means concentrating on their needs. I'm learning how to protect my kids. I'm learning to be a mother and a father. I'm learning to become financially independent. Trust me, a year ago, I used to feel sorry for being alone...now, my kids and I have incorporated lots of new rituals & traditions in our house. Who cares if it's just the 3 of us! We have lots of fun. Thanksgiving, we went to a tree farm and picked out a tree, brought it home, put it up. I am woman hear me roar!!! Never thought a tree would fit in my car...but, who knew! Speaking, of car, I've turned into quite a mechanic! Just deep down inside, I wonder, is he out there? In the same breath, I am almost scared that a man might take away the happiness I've found. 'Night! Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Just deep down inside, I wonder, is he out there? In the same breath, I am almost scared that a man might take away the happiness I've found. You sound content... no need to rush into anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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