LetMeBurn Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Have you ever done something so bad that you didn't even know you were capable of being that horrible of a person? I did and the worst part is that I don't even know WHY I did it. I feel like someone should run over me with a car and that still wouldn't be good enough. How can this be fixed? When did I become such a jerk? Here's the ugly truth. I had been dating a guy for 2 months when I started to notice that my feelings for him had changed and that we weren't right for each other. Yet, he was crazy about me and I didn't want to make it seem like I wasn't about him so I told him I loved him a million times even though I don't even think I did. I wanted to break up with him but he was so nice and I felt so close to him at times and he seemed so nuts about me that I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I guess I was a coward. I met another guy and we were being friends for a bit and then, for reasons I'm still not sure of, I started fooling around with this other guy behind my boyfriend's back. I didn't feel good about it but I also didn't stop. I told this new guy that I wanted to be with him (he didn't know about my boyfriend). This went on for 3 weeks and now my boyfriend has found out and he emailed the guy I was fooling around with and neither of them want to speak to me ever again. So what the hell is wrong with me? Why do we hurt the people we care about the most? I don't even understand myself.....I just want them both to hurt me as much as they can and then hurt me some more. Am I evil? The worst part is that I had feelings for both of them, I wasn't just numb....I truly cared for them. So what can I do? Any thoughts? Feel free to tell me to burn in hell, I know I deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Sometimes it's about being in a "comfort zone" relationship and then being excited by your attraction to someone else. If the secret, idealized relationship doesn't live up to the potential you thought it would, you can end it and fall back on the SO. You end up rationalizing the affair and staying with the SO--he loves me, he'd be devastated if I left him, he's a good person but not meeting all my needs. Take a look from your ex's perspective--he would have been hurt if you had just ended your relationship with him, but he was far more hurt and angry by your cheating. It's better to make a clean break than drag out things if either one of you is unhappy. If you have ever been cheated on, it's probably not something you want to experience again. Hopefully we all try to learn from our mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Dating is more than just finding the right guy.. it is also about maturing and growing up.. Learning how to treat people as well as how you like to be treated. Learn from this and don't repeat it.. Your "guys" are hurt .. Rightfully.. just push thru it and make sure the next relationship you have that you are a better person to him.. Live and Learn Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetMeBurn Posted December 1, 2005 Author Share Posted December 1, 2005 Do you think I'll be able to get either of them to ever talk to me again? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I don't know.. I have an old GF that I have never been able to get her to talk to me since we broke up.. maybe 2 years ago.. I think that you should give it some time.. you can't apologise for something this bad too quick.. You have to let enough time pass and you have to learn what you did wrong before they will forgive you.. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I guess there's no do-overs in this instance. Just learn from the experience and move on. The only time that you would ever be considered 'evil' as you put it, was if you didn't have one ounce of remorse for the things you did. Trust me, I've met plenty of people like that. Just be glad you are not one of them! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LetMeBurn Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 Thanks for all the great advice but my boyfriend has forgiven me.....he's amazing like that....unlike anyone else I know. :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Thanks for all the great advice but my boyfriend has forgiven me.....he's amazing like that....unlike anyone else I know. That's great, but do you really love him? Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Delusion is a wonderful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Maniac, that is the most restrained post I have ever seen. To the original poster, I would just walk away from these people and learn the lesson -- it is highly unlikely that either of these guys would want to be associated with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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