pandnh4 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 hello everyone... i've posted a couple of threads already in the *dating* forum about some issues between my gf and me but figured that now i need advice on how to get us to help ourselves... my gf of 5 months and i have been fighting more and more lately, especially the past few weeks, and it is often because difficulties communicating with each other... whenever an issue comes up, she gets very defensive and borderline aggressive, regularly interrupting me and periodically throwing in cheap shots (along the lines of *well i just think that's f*cked u* or *that's just and a**hole thing to say/do*)... the moment i try to point something out to her, she'll jump on whatever i'm saying without letting me finish and trying to dissect my incomplete thoughts... when i tell her that she's not listening to me she gets more upset and tells me to get to my point, but then the same cycle repeats itself... i've tried strategies for better communicating such as taking time-outs, not attacking, active listening, positive reinforcement, etc, but it feels as if the moment i give in a little that she takes advantage of the *apparent* moment of power and starts pointing out other issues... last sunday we had a heated argument and while i was at the limit of my patience and frustration with her not listening to me i told her that i didn't think we should be together anymore... after i dropped her off at her place we talked more and reconciled, but not without some more fighting before finally *working* things out... since then, however, she's been very short with me, crude at times, and just been piling on issue after issue... i feel as if there is no way to get through to her... she told me that last sunday really affected her and despite my attempts to comfort her and make a clean slate, she is still passive-aggressive with me while alternating with sweet, nice gf mode... when i do bring up that it hurts how she treats me, she sometimes wises up and calms down, but other times just points out how i just hurt her so it doesn't matter... i'll admit that i've said/done my share of hurtful things but i am working on things and feel like i am the only one... i've proposed couples therapy (to which she often responds negatively as if it is an insult after only 5 months together), i've sought friends' and impartial advice, i've spoken to a therapist myself, i've proposed books and articles to read... nothing seems to make a difference though... last night while i was comforting her she kept crying and bringing up old issues that were not relevant, and the moment we get any closer to resolving one, she'll bring up another and often flips out about it... i think she is depressed and needs help, counseling, or to work with me... she is being very stubborn about it; i am worried that permanent damage has been done to our relationship... if not, how can i get through to her and reconnect? i feel as if i am getting to the limits of my patience but i don't want to give up on her because i love her with all my heart.. please, does anyone have some advice or insight? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 my gf of 5 months fighting more and more lately she gets very defensive and borderline aggressive regularly interrupting me periodically throwing in cheap shots trying to dissect my incomplete thoughts when i tell her that she's not listening to me she gets more upset tells me to get to my point i've tried strategies for better communicating she takes advantage of the *apparent* moment of power starts pointing out other issues at the limit of my patience and frustration with her not listening to me reconciled, but not without some more fighting she's been very short with me, crude at times, and just been piling on issue after issue i feel as if there is no way to get through to her she told me that last sunday really affected her my attempts to comfort her and make a clean slate she is still passive-aggressive with me how she treats me just points out how i just hurt her so it doesn't matter i am working on things feel like i am the only one i've proposed couples therapy to which she often responds negatively as if it is an insult after only 5 months together i've sought friends' and impartial advice i've spoken to a therapist myself i've proposed books and articles to read nothing seems to make a difference though i was comforting her she kept crying and bringing up old issues she'll bring up another and often flips out about it i think she . . . and needs . . . to work with me she is being very stubborn about it I have bolded those things that YOU have done to make the relationship work. Take a look at what YOU do as opposed to what SHE does for the relationship. If I may . . . quite frankly . . . she sounds like a spoiled rotten drama queen. You have only five months invested. Call it a wrap. Run. Don't walk. You deserve a girlfriend who matches your determination to work on a relationship. Because, lemme tell ya, they ARE work. When the color of the butterflies and rainbows and flowers fade, the work really begins . . . Link to post Share on other sites
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