QueenieJD Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 Okay, I have a fabulous bf of a year and a half. We are very much in love, and our relationship has been mostly full of ups rather than downs. However, I am the type of person to hold my feelings inside, most times I have found this to be a downfall. So if something angers me, or bothers me I just hold the feelings in and never let him know. But with reoccuring issues this is getting harder and harder to do and I want to tell him how I'm feeling. The biggest issue is drinking. In my family, my parents both don't drink at all and neither does my uncle which I spend lots of time with. Therefore, I'm not used to being around alcohol. He is away at college for the first time this year and drinking is becoming all too regular and I get a bad feeling in my stomach when he says hes going out, it makes me hold in my anger and I know its taking some wear on our relationship. I've decided I need to talk to him about it tonight!! Any advice to cope better, how to approach the issue with him or what to say??? I don't want to be the crazy, over protective gf because I always want the best for him and want him to have a good time. I don't want him to quit what he wants for me... I just want him to know how I feel. Please help soon!!! Link to post Share on other sites
makaze Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 I'm not sure what your 'real concern' is? What exactly is it that you fear- I'm not sure whether you're talking about his health or well-being or, considering that you're in this forum section, you're afraid he might 'do' something? If it's the latter case, you didn't specify enough for me to tell whether he's 'overdoing it' or whether you are... In any case, talking to him is the best thing. Try not to hold your feelings inside all the time, since you seem like you're the type of person who just won't let go of these feelings after a while and lets them add up- and the result is always bad. Link to post Share on other sites
lovey_411 Posted December 1, 2005 Share Posted December 1, 2005 What is it about his drinking that is bothering you? Does it change him for the worse or does he do things that are out of character for him? Is it because he isn't spending enough time with you? In my opinion, going out every once and awhile and having a few drinks is fine as long as it is not affecting your life. If he is out of control with his drinking then I think that you should tell him how you are feeling. If it is the fact that his is not spending enough time with you because he is going out drinking then you should make the suggestion to do other things. It sounds like drinking is not something you enjoy so suggest activities that do not involve drinking. Think about what is actually bothering you about it, and tell him how it makes you feel. The main thing here is not to come off as being controlling. Talk to him about it, but don't attack him over it. Don't try to talk about this as he is walking out the door to go out. In my opinion, I think that this is because this is his first year of college and he is probably doing this to keep up with his friends. I don't know the whole situation though or how he is acting when he is drinking, you do. This may phase out though when partying loses its appeal, it usually does after the first year. Good luck and keep us posted on how it turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author QueenieJD Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 I think the real bother that I have with the whole situation is that I have made a choice in my life to not drink... I see no benefits to it and I think you can have just as much fun without. Since that time his drinking bothers me. I feel like since I made this decision that he should too, and I know that is not right, but I think thats where the feeling is coming from! Also, this year his drinking is juts becoming to regular, he's living with his sister & bro-in-law and the BIL drinks WAY too much as far as I am concerned, rather than having pop these guys just drink beer all the time. He'll just have like 5 beers watching TV then call me and be all happy because of it and it really bothers me for some reason. I hate being a nag, but I really want to get this off my chest with him. Thanks for the two previous replies...keep 'em coming! Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 You're on the right track in that you have admitted this is Your problem and it's not right for you to expect him to have the same opinions as you and make the same life choices as you. I hope you grow out of it quickly, men do not like controlling women like you. Link to post Share on other sites
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