Need Help....NOW!!!

[Daniel]

Here's the situation.....My girlfriend and I set our wedding date in April of this coming year. Her parents were not estatic about it but they gave us their blessing because it is what their baby girl wants. My parents love her to death in which they have told me time and time again. But they disapprove of it because they say we are rushing things....which we have only been with each other for three months.....I can understand their thought, but if they cared for me so much...why couldn't they just try to deal with it. To say the least, last night D and I talked about it with the outcome of "the wedding is put on hold". I would tell parents to step-off in a minute for her, but the problem is that I run my father's company. Without that we could not live....her parents are very poor....Neither I nor D have a college degree...I guess we could work sixty hours a week a never see eachother and probably split because of BS....You know? I am really scared and confused...she is very hurt by all of this. She even has said that she doesn't know if you can withstand her parents blowing up when she tells them today. In other words she might leave for her parent's place in GA, where we reside in TX. What do I do??????

[clia]

I kind of have to side with your parents here. What's the rush to get married? Why not date for 6 or 8 more months and then start talking marriage? 3 months isn't a long time to get to know someone, and especially decide if that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your parents aren't the enemy, here. They're just trying to help you make the right decision.

 

Why is she leaving just because the wedding is 'on hold'? You two haven't broken up, just decided to take a little more time to appease your parents. What is HER big rush to marry you? Are you sure she isn't using you for your money? You say that the two of you couldn't live without your job. Does she work?

 

The thing I'm confused about is that if her parents weren't ecstatic about it, why would they 'blow up' if they hear it's been put on hold? Seems like they'd be happy you guys are taking a little more time to figure out if this is the right decision. Do you think she's using that against you to get you to marry her?

 

Maybe the two of you should consider getting college degrees instead of putting on a big wedding so you don't have to be so dependent on your parents. Seems like that would be a better investment in the long run.

 

That said, it's your decision to make. I'd advise against rushing into this. I mean, what's the difference if you get married next April or the April after that? You'll still be together. It's kind of funny how we never want to listen to our parents, yet we often realize in hindsight that they were absolutely right. Age and experience does bring wisdom. How old are you two?

[Daniel]

What she was saying that she didn't know if she could take the mental abuse if her parents blew up....and I am glad to say that she just talked to her mom and her mother is sad for us and not angry in anyway. Her mom just can't understand why my parents would try to use power against me because of my job. And she does work, but she doesn't make good money. I understand my parents point of view and it looks like everything should work out now....it will just take awhile for everyone to feel comfortable around eachother. I guess I am just kind of hurt because my parents have always been bad about useing power and threats to teach me the right way instead of just talking to me. I just get tired of it. I am a grown man....talk to me like one. And she is about to go back to school....I was asked to quit school to help run this company.....I am making way more money know than I would have with my degree. But anyways if anyone has any kind of extra help thanks.

I kind of have to side with your parents here. What's the rush to get married? Why not date for 6 or 8 more months and then start talking marriage? 3 months isn't a long time to get to know someone, and especially decide if that is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your parents aren't the enemy, here. They're just trying to help you make the right decision. Why is she leaving just because the wedding is 'on hold'? You two haven't broken up, just decided to take a little more time to appease your parents. What is HER big rush to marry you? Are you sure she isn't using you for your money? You say that the two of you couldn't live without your job. Does she work? The thing I'm confused about is that if her parents weren't ecstatic about it, why would they 'blow up' if they hear it's been put on hold? Seems like they'd be happy you guys are taking a little more time to figure out if this is the right decision. Do you think she's using that against you to get you to marry her? Maybe the two of you should consider getting college degrees instead of putting on a big wedding so you don't have to be so dependent on your parents. Seems like that would be a better investment in the long run. That said, it's your decision to make. I'd advise against rushing into this. I mean, what's the difference if you get married next April or the April after that? You'll still be together. It's kind of funny how we never want to listen to our parents, yet we often realize in hindsight that they were absolutely right. Age and experience does bring wisdom. How old are you two?

[little d]

Hi Daniel

 

Bottom line is if you need to rely on your parents you should be respectful enough to listen to them or comprimise with them. You said the reason you are making good money without a degree. This is because they have given you that oportunity. All at once you are saying you can't support a wife without your parents and that your going to not even listen to what they are saying. Not only not listen but tell them this is how it's going to be. Wow, I would like to see thier reaction to that. Why not give it another 6 months or a year then you have your job, your parents and your wife. Unless your scared you can't wait because you might lose her. I'll tell you one thing if that has anything to do with it it will eventually happen regardless.

 

Then you'll look around and be young, divorced, making hardly any money, and not even have the backing of your family. There are alot more smarter ways to do things where you do nothing but gain. It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. Take your time. I don't understand the rush if you guys love each other you will be together and you'll have a lot better of a chance not arguing over bills and family.

 

Good Luck to you both

 

d

 

 

 

 

 

Here's the situation.....My girlfriend and I set our wedding date in April of this coming year. Her parents were not estatic about it but they gave us their blessing because it is what their baby girl wants. My parents love her to death in which they have told me time and time again. But they disapprove of it because they say we are rushing things....which we have only been with each other for three months.....I can understand their thought, but if they cared for me so much...why couldn't they just try to deal with it. To say the least, last night D and I talked about it with the outcome of "the wedding is put on hold". I would tell parents to step-off in a minute for her, but the problem is that I run my father's company. Without that we could not live....her parents are very poor....Neither I nor D have a college degree...I guess we could work sixty hours a week a never see eachother and probably split because of BS....You know? I am really scared and confused...she is very hurt by all of this. She even has said that she doesn't know if you can withstand her parents blowing up when she tells them today. In other words she might leave for her parent's place in GA, where we reside in TX. What do I do??????

[Tony T]

I didn't see anywhere in your original post where your parents threatened to fire you or disinherit you from their business if you got married too soon. Maybe I missed something.

 

I'm with your parents. Three months is just way too soon to start seeing dates for marriage. There is no rational reason for rushing things unless one of you has a terminal disease. Whether they are holding this business over your head or not, they are using wisdom and good reason in encouraging you to take a little bit more time. Perhaps they even see things that you don't.

 

Your parents want what is best for you. You write that they like the lady you have chosen and that seems kind of them. They just want you to wait a bit until you become engaged.

 

I personally don't see anything wrong with the April, 2002 date that you had set. Perhaps you should have waited five or six more months before setting that same date. Exactly what sort of time frame would your parents favor? Or do they just want the two of you to know each other longer before you get engaged?

 

No matter what, a bit of a wait isn't going to kill you.

 

I'm also glad your lady's parents aren't too upset with this. There's really no need for them to be. Even the price of gas is going down. Let's celebrate!!!

[Daniel]

I am really seeing what IS best for us. I have talked to her today and have found that I have a heart-broken girlfriend that was really looking forward to April. She sn't angry with me, just hurt. I know that she is really upset with how my parents reacted. She has reassured me that she isn't going to be purposely rude or angry at them, but I can tell that there is going to be a lot of tension between them for awhile. I don't believe that they are going to treat her any different because like I said before they say they like her. Hopefully things will work out. Any further advice? I am really glad that I found this site because it helps me get reassurance on what is going on. I guess time will heal things.

Hi Daniel Bottom line is if you need to rely on your parents you should be respectful enough to listen to them or comprimise with them. You said the reason you are making good money without a degree. This is because they have given you that oportunity. All at once you are saying you can't support a wife without your parents and that your going to not even listen to what they are saying. Not only not listen but tell them this is how it's going to be. Wow, I would like to see thier reaction to that. Why not give it another 6 months or a year then you have your job, your parents and your wife. Unless your scared you can't wait because you might lose her. I'll tell you one thing if that has anything to do with it it will eventually happen regardless. Then you'll look around and be young, divorced, making hardly any money, and not even have the backing of your family. There are alot more smarter ways to do things where you do nothing but gain. It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice. Take your time. I don't understand the rush if you guys love each other you will be together and you'll have a lot better of a chance not arguing over bills and family. Good Luck to you both d

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "...I can tell that there is going to be a lot of tension between them for awhile."

 

If your girlfriend can't get over this, if she is the type that absolutely has to have her way about things, you may be in big trouble. This whole episode may be a blessing in disguise. You are already seeing reasons why you should put off this marriage for a while.

 

If your girlfriend is so irrational that she would hold this against your parents and not respect them for imparting their wisdom and good judgement, she may need time to mature. Just give this a lot of thought. It would be completely inappropriate for her to create tension as a result of this issue. As you said, there will be none on the part of your parents.