Despair and the Seduction Process

[fusangite]

I used to think that my extreme difficulty in interacting romantically with women stemmed almost exclusively from the anxiety I experience when I attempt to interact romantically.

 

But I've recently been reconsidering this. Normally, once I have ascertained from a woman's body languge and verbal tone that she is not interested in me romantically, or that I lack the necessary social skills to convince her that I would be suitable, I feel a very strong sense of despair. Once I experience that despair, I look for an exit strategy.

 

Often I mistakenly revise that opinion and say to myself, "Nobody's that perceptive. What if you're wrong?" But every time I've tried to keep going after that initial wave of despair, I've been rejected.

 

I used to think that this evidence confirmed my theory; but lately I've been wondering if maybe that initial wave of despair and not the anxiety that leads up to it is mainly or substantially the reason I am so consistently rejected.

 

Thoughts?

[slubberdegullion]

Could be your body language, and your intended target is picking up on it. Slouched shoulders, looking at the floor, mumbling or other cues which you may not even be aware of might be some of the visuals.

[Milo]

Funny thing is, once at a party, my initial downbeat reaction to a conversation I was having with an attractive woman spurred her to suddenly warm up. Moments later we were making out in her car. So, go figure.

[fusangite]

Could be your body language, and your intended target is picking up on it.

There's not a doubt in my mind that this is the case.

[amerikajin]

The best remedy is simply not to give a rats ass whether you succeed or fail. Once you get to that point, picking up women inexplicably becomes much, much easier. I notice that every time I try to send off signals, I'm transparent as hell and women just don't dig it. But when it seems like I'm more preoccupied with watching birds in a tree, that's when women start paying attention. Can't explain it. Hardly understand it. But that's the way it works, Jack.

[fusangite]

The best remedy is simply not to give a rats ass whether you succeed or fail. Once you get to that point, picking up women inexplicably becomes much, much easier.

I agree but I'm not a Buddhist monk and therefore can't figure out how not to care, given that I've been single for ten years. Any advice, in terms of meditation or cognitive strategies that allow one to not care about something that "feels" so important would be appreciated.

I notice that every time I try to send off signals, I'm transparent as hell and women just don't dig it. But when it seems like I'm more preoccupied with watching birds in a tree, that's when women start paying attention.

Agreed. Then I notice and pay attention to them and they are repelled.

Can't explain it. Hardly understand it. But that's the way it works, Jack.

It seems perfectly explicable; I just can't figure out how to get around it.

[Devildog]

Body language says alot about a person, and confidence is key. Stop looking down at the floor in front of you when you walk. Keep your head up, look people in the eye, or don't even look at them. Look uniterested. Also, keep your shoulders back, stand up straight. These things take a bit of concious thought at first, but after awhile it becomes natural.

 

You have heard the whole "women love a man in uniform" bit. I don't think it is all about the uniform though. Military training teaches you to walk with your head up, chest out, shoulders back. It gives off that sense of confidence.

 

Don't do that fake strutting crap. People can see through that. Okay, this might sound geeky, but what the hell. Look at Darth Vader. When people first saw him on the screen they knew he was a bad-a$$. And he walked with that military, confident gait. No strut, no swagger, just he knew he was the baddest mo-fo in the galaxy.

[amerikajin]

I agree but I'm not a Buddhist monk and therefore can't figure out how not to care, given that I've been single for ten years. Any advice, in terms of meditation or cognitive strategies that allow one to not care about something that "feels" so important would be appreciated.

 

Nah, it's not quite like that, bro.

 

This is going to be a tall order, but I think you just have to get to the point where you can live the rest of your life single and be okay with that. In fact, you almost have to like your independence to the point where you feel that someone else coming in and forcing you to share that is something of a privilege that you're giving to someone; that's how I tend to look at it now. I don't have to be married or in a relationship. Do I want to be at some point? Sure, but I don't have to be. I'm fine by myself, and I honestly think of sharing my time as a favor or privilege that I give to someone else. Some might look at that as arrogance or selfishness, but I think it's just healthy love of self.

[Mary3]

Dating is like a job interview. She interviews you....you interview her. The choice is made in under 20 minutes.

 

Go look at alot of Jobs !

 

Don't ever take anything seriously and know there are thousands of women living in your state. Eventually one will hire you

[monkey00]

women are great body language readers, and well at sensing vibe too!

 

Probably your despair/anxiety has lead to what you feel as a rejection.

you lost confidence in yourself and you let it destroy your chances without going to the next level.

 

Some women are naturally aloof even though they may be very well interested in you, and some...just arent that into you. So i dont think you should wear your heart on your sleeve. IMO, the thing you should do is assume the best of the situation (that she is into you), that way your despair wont come leeching out like a plague.