whereismylifegoing Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 after five long months of torture........she admitted that she wanted to be with me and give it a second chance.......wooooohoooooo!..........so we talked and went over all of the bad **** and decided that her leaving was a good thing for both of us. i have a good feeling about the second time around. I didn't do the NC thing though. i had made myself very limited in her life and she started to see me closing the doors on her and she realized that she didn't want that. everybody doesn't have to do what i did because every situation is different for peoples personalities. but we told each other we want it to work and hopefully we can. thanks everybody for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
Donburi Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Awesome! Its nice to see some good news on this board. I'm on month numba 7 right now. We talk almost on a daily basis, this started just a few months ago. We see eachother about 3 times a week. Sometimes I wonder if I pulled back more if that would make him realize something... I would love to hear some more details about how everything worked out for you! Did you notice a change in her behavior over the course of 5 months? Did she say hopeful things when you guys talked? How often did you guys talk about it? Anything would be great! (I'd love it if you could read my recent post, too! if you have the time/interest, that is) Well, I'm glad to hear that some of us are getting a second chance! Congrats, and try your best to make things work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Donburi Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 oops sorry, I accidently posted twice, I dunno how to delete it...sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 I would love to hear some more details about how everything worked out for you! Did you notice a change in her behavior over the course of 5 months? Did she say hopeful things when you guys talked? How often did you guys talk about it? Anything would be great! i did notice a change in her behavior after a while and we started hanging out about a month ago before she decided it. in the beggining, she wanted nothing to do with me and now she calls me twice a day. she did all the talking about the stuff so i knew it was on her mind. i never brought it up first. and when she did i would tell her not to ruin the mood. but i almost knew that this was going to happen just by what her actions were from how she broke up. she was crying and calling me to see how i was. she never let go. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 My ex broke up with me so that she could party at the age of 21. She stated a bunch of reasons how we "didn't mesh" and had problems that we shouldn't have at this age. Well she still is willing to talk to me and i think she wants to keep me as a friend. So far its small contact over the internet. But i think i can ween her back towards me by just being there for her and helping her through problems like i did when i was with her. She's already having "dating troubles" and it doesn't bother me as much as i thought it would because i bet its because the other guy still sees she has feelings for me. How should i go about this? I can wait as long as necessary as long as i can get her back. I love her. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Altplan.. Ive been reading alot of your threads dude, and I just think your setting yourself up for alot of hurt! Trying to 'ween' your way back into someones life is not a good foundation for a relationship. Let her make the moves if she wants back in cause she ended it. But she is 21..... enough said on that age group in re: to breakups Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 I have done a lot of research on this. Sure it may take 5 years for her to calm down but i think before that happens she might also want to rekindle things with a love that keeps contact and is always there for her. If you support a woman, and they are not a total bitch, they will eventually question whether they should of broken up with you. Tell me im wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
pippen_2k Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 So are you gonna get on with your life or just gonna sit around and wait for her? Hopefully the first alternative. Because you will go grazy trying to be a friend to a women who you have desires to be with. But I know everything I say will fall on deaf ears ( Its only natural after a breakup to try and get them back ), and you will learn alot in the next few months about yourself and how you deal with emotions. Good Luck, and avoid un needed stress. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Im just gonna sleep around. I'm just gonna save my feelings for her. She doesn't want a boyfriend right now and the problems she has drives them away. I believe that there is still a chance, and i need to bet on it. If it doesn't pan out, well i gave it my all. My feelings may get hurt, but really, i dunno what i will be feeling after 2 months. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Im just gonna sleep around. I'm just gonna save my feelings for her. Been there, done that. Trust me on this, it's not worth it. Either let her go completely and enjoy carefree sex with whomever you please, or stick with her. Anything else is commonly called "cheating." Link to post Share on other sites
wendel1 Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Alt, sooner or later she is going to have a boyfriend...... You have to go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Still_In_Love Posted December 3, 2005 Share Posted December 3, 2005 Been there, done that. Trust me on this, it's not worth it. Either let her go completely and enjoy carefree sex with whomever you please, or stick with her. Anything else is commonly called "cheating." Am I missing something here?? If two people are broken up...how is it "cheating?" If AltplanB's ex broke up with him and she's having problems with dating...that's not AltplanB's problem...he's single too and he can do what he wants and that's not cheating!! Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Dudes, she took my friends and is totally over me. Im not gonna contact her anymore or them. I think of her as a cold hearted bitch now, one that used me for emotional support and when was ready, dropped me so she could sleep around. It hurts a lot but i now know it wasn't meant to be. Just gotta focus on my own life. If she comes back to me, ill tell her i wouldn't want to be with someone that could put someone else through so much without a care for them, especially after they were always there for them through all their issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whereismylifegoing Posted December 5, 2005 Author Share Posted December 5, 2005 Honestly.......it's a hit or a miss if they want to come back. but to be totally honest with you, i had doubts about even taking her back at first. but i stayed friends with her only because i knew something was still there between us. in your situation i wouldn't even give her the time of day. and i would act non-chalant if you even see her. if she makes contact with you in person just say hi. if she calls or better yet block her number. that will drive her nuts! cause she will eventually try to get a hold of you but that all depends on how you treated her. NC is meant to get over somebody. i felt that if i was out of contact for too long, some meathead would try to woooo my girl. i just acted like me and she somehow heard about it. like i said, it's a hit or a miss. but i really hope this works this time around Link to post Share on other sites
BrknHrt Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Alt, you are in the same situation as me and I promise you, NOTHING you can do is going to make her come back. The only good thing I've had happen lately is that my mine & my ex's mutual friends finally saw him for what he really is and have dropped him like a bad habit. So you just need to move on with your life and try to let her see that she hasn't broken you. I don't remember seeing if you said how old you are, but I'm older than my boyfriend by a year and a half so it helped me to get over some of the sadness and get mad because when I turned 21 I gave up being able to go barhopping and have a good time because he wasn't old enough. So I keep reminding myself how selfish he is. You need to make you a list of all the bad traits she had or the bad things she did to you and read it as many times as you need to, it'll make you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Honestly.......it's a hit or a miss if they want to come back. but to be totally honest with you, i had doubts about even taking her back at first. but i stayed friends with her only because i knew something was still there between us. in your situation i wouldn't even give her the time of day. and i would act non-chalant if you even see her. if she makes contact with you in person just say hi. if she calls or better yet block her number. that will drive her nuts! cause she will eventually try to get a hold of you but that all depends on how you treated her. NC is meant to get over somebody. i felt that if i was out of contact for too long, some meathead would try to woooo my girl. i just acted like me and she somehow heard about it. like i said, it's a hit or a miss. but i really hope this works this time around We're you still friends when you broke up? How much did you talk over that 5 months? What do you think you did to make her see the light??? We're you a doormat? Did you give too much? What happened to cause the breakup and why do you think she came around?! Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 I worked for hours on these two paragraphs (with another ex helping me lol). If she doesn't respond in kind, i dont want anything to do with her. Tell me what you think. I want to get something off my chest. I just want you to know that I don't blame you for your decision and that I know you will be happy living in Berkeley. I want you to know that I really miss you and still love you very much. I'm sorry this has happened and I wish everyday that I could make it better. I look back at all the times we had, both good and bad, and pray that it isn't over. I try to keep myself busy, I try to put on a smile, but I know that you are happy without me, and that this is your choice. I know that I have problems, just as you do, and know that I am working on them as we speak. I know that you will be with other men, and that you might forget about all that we had, but I don’t want to give up on someone I think is really special, someone I truly care for, even through all that has happened. I still have fun and I still have a life that has goals and meaning. I still party. I just miss you so much and wish that we could be together, if not now then in the future. I love everything about you, I am sorry, that’s just the way it is. You once told me that you couldn’t stand it unless you were absolutely in love. Well this is me, being utterly in love with you, no second thoughts, no unresolved anger, just love. Love for you and who you are. So I just want you to know how I feel. I just want you to know that I love you so much, if you are happy with someone else instead of me, ill try to let go...If not, I'm always here for you and you should know that. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 I worked for hours on these two paragraphs (with another ex helping me lol). If she doesn't respond in kind, i dont want anything to do with her. Tell me what you think. Too sappy!!!! It sounds desperate. I made a few changes. I want to get something off my chest. I just want you to know that I don't blame you for your decision and that I know you will be happy living in Berkeley. I want you to know that while I really miss you, I'm doing fine. I'm sorry this has happened and I wish things were different. I look back at all the times we had, both good and bad, and smile knowing I am a better person. I've been keeping myself busy and smiling a lot. I know that you are happy without me and I am OK with that. I know that I have my own issues to deal with and I am working on them. I know I have a great future in store. I still have fun and I still have a life that has goals and meaning. I do miss you and want you in my life but have come to the realization I don't need you. I just wanted you to know how that I still love you and if you are happy with someone else instead of me, that's OK too. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 sorry i already sent it. And i got help from a girl. It cant be that bad. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 sorry i already sent it. And i got help from a girl. It cant be that bad. Ok, well if you wanted to sound desperate for a last chance, that letter will work. The thing I am learning is that the harder you try to hold on to someone, they more they will pull away from you. She will never come back if you cling to her. The only hope you have is to start living your life and hope that somehow she sees that you are fine without her. And if she does come back around, you have to stay away from your old habits of trying to cling to them. Have your own life, be interesting and fun. Don't be depressed or act lonely. Nobody wants to hang around someone who is a downer. Good luck. I hope it works for you. I would go into NC for now on and start working on making yourself happy. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I can't believe she would turn that down but if she does, she is not the person for me. I guess we'll wait and see. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I can't believe she would turn that down but if she does, she is not the person for me. I guess we'll wait and see. Why did you break up? If she left you because you became a doormat, then this letter will not work. The only way I can see this letter changing her mind is if she didn't believe that you really loved her. Otherwise, I doubt she will come back. When I go NC, after at least 4 months I think my Ex will start to remember how great I treated her and how good the sex was (it was great) that I think she'll come around. I'm not banking on it but at least I believe that if I take care of myself and improve myself I'll look better to ANYONE, not just her! Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 We are both hot. I mean shes a 5'11" 135 brunette and im a 6'5" college athelete. Brown hair blue eyes for both of us. I think shes beautiful both inside and out. Problem is that she doesn't think that the chemistry we once had is the same. She is willing to give it all up because it is so easy for her to meet someone knew. I mean she is in tall strong boy city. All my friends (ex friends) are on the CAL crew team and they live under her. One of thems even dating her roommate. Shes already dated one of them and i dont know how far theyve gone but i hate that this guy, who looks exactly like me, has just takin my place and is taking advantage of her and the situation. But she is not doing anything to stop it and that drives me insane. The more i think about it, the more i realize i wouldn't do that and we aren't very similar. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 We are both hot. I mean shes a 5'11" 135 brunette and im a 6'5" college athelete. Brown hair blue eyes for both of us. I think shes beautiful both inside and out. Problem is that she doesn't think that the chemistry we once had is the same. Why though? We're you a doormat? She is willing to give it all up because it is so easy for her to meet someone knew. I mean she is in tall strong boy city. All my friends (ex friends) are on the CAL crew team and they live under her. One of thems even dating her roommate. Shes already dated one of them and i dont know how far theyve gone but i hate that this guy, who looks exactly like me, has just takin my place and is taking advantage of her and the situation. But she is not doing anything to stop it and that drives me insane. The more i think about it, the more i realize i wouldn't do that and we aren't very similar. How old are you both?! She might just need to go through this experience to see what else is out there before she decides you are the real thing. Occupy yourself at the gym, hobbies, friends and dating other women. If she sees you are having fun without her you may pique her interest. If you consider yourself HOT then why can't you find someone else. You seem confident enough in your looks. What am I missing here? Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 SHe gave me really high standards. I also look at other women and just aren't attracted to them. I love everything about her. SHe consumes me unfortunately. This must be my instinctive "no cheating" gland that keeps my dick in my pants. Shes also rocked my confidence and taken my friends, so its hard to make new friends at a new college with a new feelings of depression. Gee, my life is swimming with good times. Shoulda never opted for my own apartment junior year. Shoulda stuck with roomates. Didn't think she and i would break up. I didn't feel alone in that place until she left me. Link to post Share on other sites
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