Finally got my second chance!

[AltplanB]

I saw that she read it because i saw her online in myspace. She didn't send a reply. Nothing. Not even a goodbye. Either shes thinking about what to send or she really doesn't want to talk to me. Well thats it, im done with her. I poured out my feelings and got nothing for it. I was always there for her and she dumped me without a second thought. Even after i gave her a second chance. I now know that she is cold hearted, and that she lied about her feelings to me and to herself. I also know that she wants to be a slut. She wants to sleep around till she meets a guy who wants her for more than just her incredible body. She used me and i hate loving her. So i quit, peace im gonna go be gay or a hermit or something. **** women.

[Nikita20]

AltPlanB:

 

Why would you want to be a hermit or gay for a cold hearted, lying slut that used you? These are your words. Now c'mon!! Think about it. There are better women out there for you. This isn't the end all be all. You can get over this. Stick to NC and heal. You never know what could be around the corner when you least expect it....

[CaliGuy]

I saw that she read it because i saw her online in myspace. She didn't send a reply. Nothing. Not even a goodbye. Either shes thinking about what to send or she really doesn't want to talk to me. Well thats it, im done with her. I poured out my feelings and got nothing for it. I was always there for her and she dumped me without a second thought. Even after i gave her a second chance. I now know that she is cold hearted, and that she lied about her feelings to me and to herself. I also know that she wants to be a slut. She wants to sleep around till she meets a guy who wants her for more than just her incredible body. She used me and i hate loving her. So i quit, peace im gonna go be gay or a hermit or something. **** women.

 

Dude, you are in College and pretty young. You have your whole life ahead of you and there will be PLENTY more girls -- as soon as you let go and accept that it's over.

 

I had to do that last night and really, there is a sense of relief that washes over you. That you ARE worthy of being loved. You just happened to pick the wrong person. In fact, that's really why most of us are here.

 

We're healthy for the most part and pretty normal. We come here because we know when we need support from others and good advice. People who dump others don't do that. They are always going from bad relationship to bad relationship.

 

I'm much older than you, 36 to be exact, and I am finally in my prime and ready, FOR THE RIGHT PERSON. The ex wasn't it so I must pick myself up, dust myself off and know that it simply came down to the fact I made the wrong choice at the wrong time.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

If you do not like yourself and feel you are worthy of being loved, how can you expect anyone else to feel the same???

[AltplanB]

your right, i am young. Thats probably why i am so hurt, i am young and vulnerable. Oh well she didn't respond. So screw her. Time to get on with life. Screw my friends that decided to take her over me. screw all of them for not helping me when i needed them after i helped them when they needed me. Screw them. I hate that this has happened and it shows my true character. I helped her through all her **** and i gave her a second chance when i was fed up with it. But when it turned full circle and i she had overcome all her problems, she dumped me. Not the type of person i want to be with. It just goes to show you, that the people that you really care for are the ones that can hurt you the most. Im erasing her from every part of my life. everything.

[J dub]

Where is my life going: Good for you!!

 

AltplanB: I saw from a mile away that she wouldnt respond to your letter, do you know why? Because no where in there does it make her want to write back. Its a "I'm letting you go" letter, therefore you just gave her permission to be off with it and told her you love her no matter what she does. I dont care WHO proof read the letter, those last good-bye's are never ever a good idea because we always expect a reply and then are tremendously more hurt when we dont get one. You say youre such a catch - you have nothing to be so worked up about then. And you mentioned that youre not interested in any other females right now...well duh! Youre still in love with this other woman, of course the other chicks arent going to get you going! Give it time, allow yourself to heal and come to terms with it ending. Just because its over doesnt mean its your fault or that it can never be a good memory in your heart. Just see it for what it is: Target practice that you simply need to adjust your aim on so you can get the right girl this time.

[AltplanB]

alright i will. peace and thanks.

[AltplanB]

Just sitting in class and all i think about is her. I almost texted her. I decided to stop in mid sentence. I am trying so hard to wait for a reply that may never come. Its impossible sometimes to believe that she will never think twice about us, that she would never want to give it a second chance. I don't know if my chances are improving as NC continues or it is getting worse. All i can think about is whether she cares at all and what is going through her head. Although shes gotten over men before, will she treat me the same? I want her back so badly and at whatever cost. I don't know what i will be feeling when she does call though, whether it is next week or next year.

[J dub]

>I am trying so hard to wait for a reply that may never come.

 

It probably wont, so stop waiting for it.

 

>I don't know if my chances are improving as NC continues or it is getting worse.

 

Your chances of healing get better the longer you maintain NC. Your chances have nothing to do with your actions, you cant control her by what you do or dont do so that thought needs to be thrown out. Worry about taking care of yourself, not what she is doing.

 

>All i can think about is whether she cares at all

 

The fact that she was with you says she cares, but she has let go and moved on and so should you.

[AltplanB]

I think she just needs time. Sure it would be easy for her to just not reply and make a clean break, but i believe that she is just lying to herself when she says she goes about her day like i mean nothing to her. were both 21, and i can't imagine that she could get over me that fast. I feel that she is just waiting for three things. One is to see if the next couple guys she dates are as good as me. two is whether she will miss me enough. three is if i can get my life back in order.

 

I dunno if she will ever respond but really, who wouldn't respond to a message like that. Its so nice and open and accepting. Man its hard waiting. I keep going over her messages and mine and wondering what shes thinking. Im obsessing even though everyone tells me not too. I realize that she thinks currently that i am not the guy for her but i feel she is the girl for me. I have no attraction to any other women and i still would do anything to get her back. Full and honest, true love is what i got and i told her. So maybe she just needs time. I dunno.

[Art_Critic]

I think she just needs time.

 

In your case if she loved you she would be with you and she wouldn't need time..

 

You are just setting yourself up for furthur hurt believing that she will respond..

Even if she does finally respond it won't be with what you want to hear..

 

you need to realize that you guys aren't together anymore.. quit contacting her.

 

If you move on and live your life then and only then can you guys ever get back together.. If she came back tommorrow you guys would break up again before christmas..

You have to move on before you two can find each other again.

[AltplanB]

why because we wouldn't of solved the problems? She didn't see anything wrong with me, just that we were different. There was no big fight, other than that of my depression and inability to let go. I told her all my feelings and i tried really hard to get her back but all it did was push her away even more. I know that i have to move on, but i still think of her as my one and only. She obviously doesn't hold this for me anymore but i believe that in time she will think about me and wonder what went wrong...why she all of a sudden didn't want to be with me. I just think to myself that she will come back after she doesn't meet anyone that really sparks her the way i did. I really wish i could chat with her, tell her everything..but i know it wont do anything. I can only get my life going again. It is so much easier for women to move on than it is for men. A mans confidence is shattered and he is left with nothing but regret and despair. A women can go out (like my ex did) and find a man like that...just get hit on by some guy at a bar and ther you go. Pisses me off.

[CaliGuy]

I think she just needs time. Sure it would be easy for her to just not reply and make a clean break, but i believe that she is just lying to herself when she says she goes about her day like i mean nothing to her.

 

No offense but it sounds to me you are trying to convince yourself of that when the only facts you have are she has moved on without you.

 

were both 21, and i can't imagine that she could get over me that fast. I feel that she is just waiting for three things. One is to see if the next couple guys she dates are as good as me. two is whether she will miss me enough. three is if i can get my life back in order.

 

You sound like I use to sound like. Remember this one fact: "It is what it is." She's with someone else. She's not wondering what you are doing or whether you miss her. She honestly has proven to you that she doesn't care. You will only serve to drive yourself into further depression by wondering about things you simply have no control over. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, rebuild your self-confidence and self-esteem and forget her. It is the only way you will be able to have a healthy relationship in the future with someone more deserving of your time.

 

I dunno if she will ever respond but really, who wouldn't respond to a message like that.

 

People who don't care about the Ex will never respond to a message, regardless of what it says. If they just aren't into you, nothing you can do or say will bring them back.

 

Its so nice and open and accepting. Man its hard waiting. I keep going over her messages and mine and wondering what shes thinking.

 

This is self-destructive behavior. Delete her messages, her photos and any reminders of her. Don't go to places you used to go together. Make new friends and go hang out. Do something to occupy your time because if you don't you'll never get out of this funk.

 

 

Im obsessing even though everyone tells me not too.

 

Nothing good has ever come from being obsessed with anyone or anything. It's a characteristic of someone with little self-confidence and who doesn't think very much of themselves to seek approval in others.

 

I realize that she thinks currently that i am not the guy for her but i feel she is the girl for me.

 

It takes two to tango. If she realizes you are not the guy for her, then honestly, she is telling you that she is not the girl for you either.

 

I have no attraction to any other women and i still would do anything to get her back. Full and honest, true love is what i got and i told her. So maybe she just needs time. I dunno.

 

Nope, she doesn't need time at all, you are the one who needs time. Time to heal.

 

I have been in your shoes in the exact same situation. When a woman dumps you for another guy she is sending a clear message: "I don't want you." When the realization of this hit me, I started to see things for how they really are. I decided I wasn't going to waste my time on someone who didn't value mine.

 

You're wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity. When you decide that you're tired of feeling sorry for yourself and want to have a life again, you'll put her out of your mind and focus on yourself.

 

Women are extremely attracted to men who are confident, happy, self-sufficient and active. Men who want a woman in their lives, but don't need them. Men who are bit aloof, have a circle of friends and activies that keep them busy and who are driven to succeed.

 

Does this sound like you right now?

[a4a]

I think she just needs time. Sure it would be easy for her to just not reply and make a clean break, but i believe that she is just lying to herself when she says she goes about her day like i mean nothing to her. were both 21, and i can't imagine that she could get over me that fast. I feel that she is just waiting for three things. One is to see if the next couple guys she dates are as good as me. two is whether she will miss me enough. three is if i can get my life back in order.

 

.

 

Not to be harsh but I am one of those that gets over people easily... clean break is not a problem for me. People like us do go through our day without wondering or thinking about our ex's.

 

You are beating the hell out of yourself..... instead look at this as an opp. to learn a lesson and to better yourself. Focus on that.

 

a4a

[AltplanB]

I know this is the wrong way to do it but its a path to try. I got it from reading. I'm just gonna fake it. Im gonna post on my profile all the cool **** that is happening and stop mentioning her. I am going to make my life appear to be going in really cool directions and that everything is going well for me. I may be faking on some things but i think it will intice her to rethink her attitude towards me.

[CaliGuy]

I may be faking on some things but i think it will intice her to rethink her attitude towards me.

 

It won't and when it doesn't, you'll be even more disappointed.

 

Instead of faking it, take charge of your life and do all the things you mentioned but not with her in mind, with *you* as the sole beneficiary.

 

It's the only way.

[AltplanB]

Dammit. IS THERE NO WAY TO GET HER BACK?!

[AltplanB]

well i broke down and sent her a message saying everything was great up here but that i missed talking to her. I asked her if she would just talk to me.

[CaliGuy]

You said this: "Dammit. IS THERE NO WAY TO GET HER BACK?!" and then did this: "well i broke down and sent her a message saying everything was great up here but that i missed talking to her. I asked her if she would just talk to me."

 

The first issue can be explained by evaluating what you did with the email. You basically said this: "Aaaah, I can't live without you. I am clinging to you. I am desperate to hang on to you. My life revolves around you and there's no hope for me unless you come back. Please take me back, I am worthless without you."

 

Now let me give you some advice which I hope finally sinks in with you: "The more you try to cling to someone in desperation, the more they will try and get away from you."

 

Think about that for a second. Women do not want weak, clingy, whiney men who can not survive without them. They want strong, self-confident, self-sufficient men whom they have to chase to win their hearts. If you have to chase this girl, and you're definitely doing it, you will never win her. Ever.

 

I'm trying as hard as I can to get you to understand that nothing you do or say will make her come back to you. She has to want to do that on her own. No contact will help you heal and maybe as a by-product if she doesn't hear from you for a few months she'll start to wonder how you're getting along. Maybe she will send a message. But, and I mean this, more often than not, they do not.

 

So what's your choice here? Really, you have only one that that's to stop contacting her. Cut off all forms of communication and exercise her demons from your head. Once you realize this is the only way to heal, then your self-confidence will start coming back. See, you don't think you're worthy unless she tells you so and that gives her all the power. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. You have no power over this situation, no leg up, no trump card.

 

The only thing you can control is yourself. Nothing else. When you decide that you can live without her and stop contacting her only then will you start healing. The longer you wallow in misery by thinking about her, by contacting her and by waiting for even the slightest faint of hope, the longer you will suffer.

 

Only you can do this. No one else can help you and any attempts you make at controlling your fate with her will only further cause it's demise.

 

Please understand, I am going through this now and it's taken me far longer to heal than I would have liked. I wasted 18 months on a girl who had absolutely no interest in me and I let her play me like a fine violin. Who's fault is that? Hers??? Some would think but in reality it was mine. I let her do this to me and you're letting her do the same to you.

 

Take control back by not giving in to your thoughts of getting back with her. You don't need her in your life and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be.

 

She doesn't deserve your time and she doesn't want it, so stop giving it to her. It's never going to change her mind.

[AltplanB]

i sent her flowers. Its our anniversary..i asked if she would just talk to me cause i missed her. I know its not gonna work but i am going out of my mind.

[Art_Critic]

WTF ??? Flowers are for people that are together and talking..

 

You don't take anybodys advice here on LS do you ?

 

Why didn't you post before you sent the flowers.. we could've talked to you about it ..

 

the fact that you won't leave her alone.. emails..text messages and now flowers.. you smell desperate.. and that will push her away not bring her back

 

 

 

i sent her flowers. Its our anniversary..i asked if she would just talk to me cause i missed her. I know its not gonna work but i am going out of my mind.

[CaliGuy]

Ok AltplanB. It's painfully obvious you're not going to listen to anyone's advice. I wish you well but I can not continue to beat my head up against the wall anymore trying to get you to understand you're behavior is self-destructive and accomplishing exactly the oppositive of what you want.

[AltplanB]

yea but all of you are so cold. Everyone here acts so bitter because they got dumped and didn't get another shot. No one wants to help me get her back they just want to help me get over her. Well i don't want to get over her. I want her back. If i have to let her do her own thing for a while thats cool but i want her back. Jesus.

[Art_Critic]

The only way to get her back is to let her go

 

If you can't let her go you will NEVER get her back..

 

It's not matter of people on LS being bitter.. they have given you good advice.. You won't take it..

 

You are just hurting.. what you don't understand is that pushing her the way you are will drive her furthur away.. not closer to you

[omegaRED]

Hmmmmmmm.... Do you own her? Do you own her feelings? IT IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL. Everyone here is not cold. Most of the people here are REALISTIC.

 

What, you want me to tell you that you sending her flowers is gonna get her back? I could, but i`d be lying to you.

 

Look, her heart and mind are made up. Whether that changes in the future, is a question NOONE can answer. But NOTHING YOU DO is gonna make her change her mind. NOTHING. ESPECIALLY you groveling after her, sending flowers etc. I know, at one point i almost did those things (admittedly we were still together but she decided long before she wanted out, just didn`t tell me). The things you do are just pushing her farther away from you. She lost respect for you. You cannot love someone you don`t respect.

 

Do what you will, it`s your life, but i`m not gonna lie to you. You are making things miserable for yourself. ONLY YOU. NOT HER.

[CaliGuy]

yea but all of you are so cold.

 

No sir, that's just reality. Reality is a cold hard hammer once it settles in. A lot of us have been through what you've gone through and speaking from experience, we know what works or doesn't work.

 

Everyone here acts so bitter because they got dumped and didn't get another shot.

 

I don't think everyone is bitter. I know I am angry, but not bitter. I let this happen to me...and you let this happen to you. It's an all too familiar pattern of self-abuse we bring on ourselves.

 

No one wants to help me get her back they just want to help me get over her.

 

It still hasn't sunk in yet. You may NEVER get her back, but unless you choose to get over her, any chance of a reconcilliation is gone. The tighter you cling to her, the farther you push her away. Getting over her will make you more attractive to the opposite sex because you'll be healthy again. You're not healthy right now and not only does the Ex not want you, but neither will anyone else until you do.

 

The only way your Ex could ever possibly want you back is you decide to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and follow the suggestions I gave you. The added benefit is that even if she doesn't want you back, you are still young and someone else will come along, someone better, who will knock your socks off and you'll wonder what you ever saw in your Ex to begin with.

 

Well i don't want to get over her.

 

Rejection is a bitter pill to take. I didn't want to get over my Ex either, but until I realized that not doing so was killing me and driving her further away, I knew I would not recover. So now my journey begins and I have a date on Saturday with someone new. It's still kind of early, but I am once again excited about going out and meeting someone new. This new girl is everything my ex was not. She's fun, outgoing, cheerful and bright. She makes me feel like I'm important to her.

 

You will never get to this point until you've come to the realization that it's over and you've been rejected. It's not the worst thing to happen in your life, trust me. My mom just died a few weeks ago and I would trade all of my ex's in just to have a few more minutes to tell my mom I love her.

 

When you think your situation is bad, look at people who have cancer, have lost a limb or perhaps lost a loved one in a tragically. Yes, in your mind this is the worst thing that could have ever happened, but in reality, it may have been the best thing. God has a plan for you my friend. He knows what is good for you and He's trying to tell you that right now, she isn't good for you.

 

I want her back. If i have to let her do her own thing for a while thats cool but i want her back. Jesus.

 

No, you have to do your own thing. No matter what, you need to put your life back together. Stop giving your love to someone who doesn't want it. It serves no purpose but to continue to destroy your confidence and self-esteem and will spill over into other aspects of your life. No woman I know wants a man who is wallowing in self-pity. They want happy, confident men who are going places in their life and are open to taking someone with them. Right now, in your state of mind, you would only serve to bring another woman down with you unless you decide that you aren't going to put up with feeling sorry for yourself anymore.

 

You need to tell yourself that you don't need her (and you don't) and that you'll be fine without her (and you will).

 

We know you want her back. Many of us want our Ex's back too, but we realize that we're probably better off without them.

 

Someone new and wonderful is waiting for you, but you'll never meet her as long as you continue to grasp for your ex.

 

Good luck.