AltplanB Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 Sitting here drunk after a party and all i can think about is my ex with her new man. SHe's probably ****ing him right now. Im gonna be sick. I know i can never take her back after this and it kills me that we will never be together again. I talk to all my friends who tell me that the pain will go away and that i will become more numb to this kinda **** in the future. But i don't want to be like that. I don't want to be that sleazy jock that sleeps around and doesn't care. I don't want to hurt peoples feelings the way mine got hurt. I just want her love and she wont give me that. Its so hard knowing your ex is with someone else and is happy, knowing that your alone. She put me in this hole and all she can do is smile and tell me it will get better with time. Nothing about how much she i mean to her or how much she still thinks about us, because there will never be an us. Its so hard, looking at the clock every 5 minutes, thinking is this when shes having sex with him? God why is she enjoying this? Why why why why? What kind of person does this to another? How can she be such a nice person and do this so coldy? Im sorry that i broke down like this but i just can't contact her or do anything to make myself feel better. I've got all this stuff planned like going to cabo and moving on campus and i don't even feel like doing any of it. I just want to be happy with her, even though i know it will never happen. I don't want to be her friend, i don't even want to go down there, knowing all her (my ex) friends know all the sad depressing truthes about how desperate i am. God i miss her and she won't think twice. I hope she gets whats coming to her, a guy dumping her for her problems... I hope she comes back to me and i can tell her that i would think about it. I am trying so hard not to think about it and yet, its a vicious cycle of pain and realizations. You women may think that men can be cruel, but we men are weaker when it comes to being emotionally disturbed. I just read somewhere that 80% of suicides related to relationships ending were men. We are seriously destroyed when this happens, especially when you don't give us another chance and instead find someone new, making everything we had seem like a lie. I don't know what to think anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted December 17, 2005 Share Posted December 17, 2005 You are right about the suicide rates. I was in that situation back in January of this year. I was going through a break up for the 2nd time with my ex gf. The last break up in late august was the 3rd break up. But back in January when she broke it off with me over the phone I went out to the sporting goods store in the mall and bought a 30-06 remington rifle. That is a high powered rifle. I went out to the woods and loaded the damn gun with a 165 grade bullet and stuck the rifle in my mouth. I was too chicken to pull the trigger that day so I decided to wait and see if things get better. I didn't have to buy the bullets. I used the ones that were leftover from my brother's suicide. There were 19 bullets left in the package of 20. The break up was not the only reason I was contemplating suicide there were and are still things going on with me that drove me to buy the gun but that's a different subject and a different thread altogether. With the resentment that I'm dealing with right now, I do give my ex credit for insisting that I sell that rifle when she found out about it from a source. She still won't tell me who to this day. She didn't have to do that. She could've just dumped me at that time and said "go ahead if you want to kill yourself" or ignored me. Sometimes I regret not pulling the trigger. Yeah I wouldn't take her back either if I were you. Just continue with NC to help you forget her. I should've done that myself but I really did want her back at the time. When I got her back then the next stage came a few weeks later-resentment for her leaving. So I did alot of thinking and dumped her thursday over the phone. I was civil and calm about it. How about that? Today marks the 3 month anniversary that I learned about the no contact rule. I started reading about it on september 16th 2005. Dreamguy's threads about no contact were the first to read. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 J dub, your a female? Yep Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 drunk again tonight and wow that post of yours grace is ****ed up. Made me feel better about my situation. I would never kill myself, only because i know **** always gets better at somepoint. But thats not what bothers me, its the way she treated me and how my trust of emotions were shot to hell. Its terrible what she did to me and its terrible how she lied to me, telling me she wasn't looking for a relaionship but is already in one. I don't know if hes a rebound but jeez, she is ****ed up in the head for doing this. I realize that i have dumped some girls, and that they have been torn up about it, but i never was in love with them. She told me she was in love with me and i waited for her to say it first. I thought those words were supposed to hold a much greater importance and i told her that before it ever happened. Well because she so easily turned it off and had no inkiling to rekindle things or give it another shot, i know she lied. Makes me feel terrible but i am beginning to understand that i would not want to be with a person like that anyway, no matter what her other traits. SOmething that still bothers me however is her ****ing someone else. Her being so over me and becoming someone else's. I'm one of those guys that likes to protect my girl from anything. I like to hold them all night and walk them to the store even if it isn't dark. Being this way makes it so hard for me to realize that she has someone else doing that for her. Its like another dog intruding on your territory, even though your not allowed to go and defend it. Its terrible. Hes screwing her, probably right now. I hate this. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 Alt, if it hasn't been suggested already, you're on a crash course to nowhere. Please, please go see a therapist or counselor. You do need to talk to someone. It will make you feel better. This is not the end of the world, trust me. You're young and there are tons of babes out there for you. If you want to feel better, as the NC guide says, go visit a cancer ward where people are about to die. It will do a lot to change you perspective. It gets better bro. It justs takes time and NC. Forget her man. The way she treated you, well you know you deserve better. There are plenty of women who would like a man like you. You just have to heal up and go find them. Leave the bottle alone. It will only hurt you, not help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dmeech Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 drunk again tonight and wow that post of yours grace is ****ed up. Made me feel better about my situation. I would never kill myself, only because i know **** always gets better at somepoint. But thats not what bothers me, its the way she treated me and how my trust of emotions were shot to hell. Its terrible what she did to me and its terrible how she lied to me, telling me she wasn't looking for a relaionship but is already in one. I don't know if hes a rebound but jeez, she is ****ed up in the head for doing this. I realize that i have dumped some girls, and that they have been torn up about it, but i never was in love with them. She told me she was in love with me and i waited for her to say it first. I thought those words were supposed to hold a much greater importance and i told her that before it ever happened. Well because she so easily turned it off and had no inkiling to rekindle things or give it another shot, i know she lied. Makes me feel terrible but i am beginning to understand that i would not want to be with a person like that anyway, no matter what her other traits. SOmething that still bothers me however is her ****ing someone else. Her being so over me and becoming someone else's. I'm one of those guys that likes to protect my girl from anything. I like to hold them all night and walk them to the store even if it isn't dark. Being this way makes it so hard for me to realize that she has someone else doing that for her. Its like another dog intruding on your territory, even though your not allowed to go and defend it. Its terrible. Hes screwing her, probably right now. I hate this. Duude, your my long lost twin. I feel EXACTLY the same way as you about girls and relationships. Same exact thing in my case right now, my ex is with another guy. I can't get her and him screwing out of my head! No point in hoping for them to come back. If our exs wanted us, they would be calling us by now. It is driving me nuts just like you. But carefull with the alcohol though. I've been getting drunk after the break up also, but realized that alcohol lifts your mood at first, but then depresses the hell out of you afterwards. Definetly go see a therapist. I started seeing one and I am finding stuff out about myself that I would have never thought of. You got AIM duude, I'd like to talk to you about this **** some more, because I see myself in you. Freaken wierd. Link to post Share on other sites
AltplanB Posted December 24, 2005 Share Posted December 24, 2005 yea my names Gurustick gimmi a buzz Link to post Share on other sites
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