After 27yrs, Now what should I do? God please hear me..

[Depreratcry4LilLady]

Hello to anyone, who may fall, stumble, or trip into my plea for advise.

I was a 42yr old, strong, health, physcally fit and determind young lady about to become a grandma. Took us 24 yrs to accomplished all that we had gained. After refinancing, selling family lake toys to next losing the house, the only thing left to lose is my marriage. Last time we can refinace, and then when we sell no money will we gain.

 

It has been 3 yrs now since I was intentionally hurt at the hands of one man. Now. he did have some help from other, but it was at his orders that I be made to work a machine that I should not have worked in the first place. This man has ruined my life and he gets a pormotion. Isn't that a kick in the pant. Salt on the wound. I lose everything and he gets a pat on the back.

 

After 3 more operations the doctor decided my dominate right arm was as good as it was going to get. And the QME said, dont let anyone tough your left should. It's the only half ass good arm you have left. Now through this peroid I kept getting more and more depressed. Finding with each day the reality of the things I will no longer be able to do. The simplest joys as lifting you 2 year old grand daugher up and holding her in your arms to say I love you. Are done with great pain. Sinking deeper and deeper. Eventurally I get to the point of not even coming out of my room.

 

Finally my husband convinced me to seek help, he was so scare for me. I was lucky enough to find one of the finest physcologist. With her help and at her advice, the help of a equally fine physiatrist, have gotten me this far. On antidepresant, more than likely the rest of my life, and methodone for the constant pain. Never in my life did I think I would be using methodone. And no, i take it in pill form, 10 milg. now. People who come off herion are started at 100 milg. Used for pain of withdrawls. Tried severl let's call the AD(antidepressant), one of which gave me thoughts of suicide,and if not for children might have, until i found the one that works for me.

 

Now through all of this, I find out that my husband has cheated on me, through a web site. Free to join, and you can meet people who are single as well as married who want to be descrete, and experiment with the sexual desires they have. Now you can find any excuse for anything, if you want to place the blame on someone else for a mistake you have made. Only telling me half truth's about this, and ling clear up until evidence is show to him, makes it very hard to trust him. This is not the first or second time. But boy does the internet put it right at a cheaters finger tips.

 

When I needed him most, he was not there for me. I tried everything I new to get him to notice me. Sexy nities, painted toes. All dolled up. But yet he was still more interested in what was on the computer. LOOK AT HISTORY PEOPLE. YOU JUST MIGHT ANSWER YOU OWN QUESTION.

8 month later after finding this out, I still sit here. Still craving him, seaching for what was lost, fear of be 2 lonely old people, I still find a way to hang on. Can't work so I can't leave. We still have a teen age son at home. One of four kids.

 

It wasn't until I found out about this site, that he started working on our marrage some what. Still, he dosen't listen to me. Still says hurtful things and is a bit selfish on some issues, but he is tring.

IS IT TOO LITTLE TOO LATE?

I just don't know. Someone please help me, God hasn't!