All I can say is HELP!!!!!!

[Tricia]

OK,this is a 2 parter:

1st-Thrusday nite,I take our son to the christmas parade in town.Hubby there,he asks that I walk down so he can see our son,I do and our son doesn't want to stay he wants to go back where we were at.So we left,I could tell it bothered my husband,but he made his choice.It was to leave us.We had an awesome time!!

My self imagine was boosted a lil the men an boys were BIG flirts an one of the firefighters picked me outta everyone an threw a stuffed bear to me.I thought,Things are gonna be ok.

So,I start feeling bad about the way our son treated his dad an I tell him we are walking back up to the car a lil early,so one we don't haffta fight traffic an 2 he can tell his Dad,Bye.

We do this,my Husband never says a word to me.

Later that nite,I email him a copy of one of my post.It broke my heart when he didn't responed back.I had poured my heart into this post,it decribed best how I felt an he didn't care.That was a major turning point for me.I cried for 3-4 solid hours.Then I was done,no more tears!!!

 

Part 2:On Friday,I knew Hubby was getting ready for a big state contractors exam on Sat.I had already planned to do something for him before all of this crap happened an I still wanted too.I didn't want to regret NOT doing anything.I sent him a text telling him I knew he had his big day on Sat.that I would like to cook dinner for him,Relieve some much needed TENTION and me and the boys take him to take his exam.

I didn't hear a word back from him,I didn't shed a tear.I thought OK,I get it.

2 hours later he texts me,says "B @ the Shop in 45"

Well I'm blown away,I had been thinking and sent him another text telling him,basically "No response,I take as a NO.It's ok,Sry I bothered U an it won't happen again"

He told me once he got here,he didn't even stop to read the one until he left the job,the No reply one he never did read.

Ok,at 1st it was weird,I felt strange too,but I knew why,it's b/c of all that as been said between us.We talked a very lil,an soon after,it was like nothing wrong.

OK,tha good stuff:-)

We ended up doin tha nasty,it was great,as usual.It was the same,with not very much cuddling and NO I love you's.I know he expected me to say those 3 lil words.He was concerned with my motives,I told him the truth,I don't want him back,(and I don't-NOT like this)He looked surprized when I told him that an I just wanna use him or his body,whichever!

He didn't sleep in the bed with me,we both came back out to the living room.

He is trying tooooooo hard to be done with me,to be done.My name is in his phone as well,My Name,Not My Baby.He has shut down emotionally,but at times I could see it in his eyes what he is trying to convience himself is not true-He Loves me.

He is a mess,he tossed an turned all nite,called me in his sleep,sat straight up twice an when I went to go get him to lay back down,he was almost fighting me.He was as sleep,he has never acted this way.He is NOT himself,He is NOT thinking clearly.He has made a life changing decision with a "Click"in his head,that not only am I not taking well,but neither or the kids.

he was jealous over somethings.The Teddy Bear,me being invited to a biker rally and some rich hippie my friend is wanting to hook me up with,he wasn't too happy bout that,but did a grt job at playing it off.

This morning before leaving to take his exam,I told him Good Luck,that was it.I'm not all mushie acting or even acting like theres hope,in the back of my mind thou,ofcoarse I am hoping.

How can I help him out of this,How can I help him to see he is not himself right now?

How bad have I messed up sleepin with him?

If it helps,ya'll-----I am nice,I am in a good mood,playful(which I have not been for a long time,so there is an obvious change in my attitude) ,but am not acting like just b/c we slept together means I want him to move back in.

Lord,What have I done.I hope I have not screwed myself.

Com'on words of wisdom:o

Thanx,Blond

 

PS-When we were talking about doin IT,I asked him didn't he get that outta my Text?He said No,he wondered why I had made capital every letter in tention.Com'on!!!!!!! HE Knew didn't he guy's?

[Tricia]

Or do ya just not know what to say?

I realize too,it's a long post.

I really am in need of help here.

The H an I had a talk Sat.I told him I was gonna be happy with or without him,I mean it-The tears have stopped,well besides one moment last nite.Only lasted for maybe a minute an I took back control.

We had a talk as I said on Sat.,me doin most of the talking,he said enough to where I thought end the end,we were gonna be ok.It was my thought I get straight an to where I need to be,he and I work very slowly on our marriage and he NOT moving back at this time,I don't want him back like this(This blew him away).He said,we'll see what happens,for him,believe me-Thats a good sigh.

So ok,I'm feeling good,I take our son to see Chiken Lil.Stop off at walmart,kamart and then finally CVS to get him a certain kinda toothache med.that I have used in the past.Off to get food.I walk in-------He's gone!!!

Oh the feeling I went thru,didn't last long,I got a grip an proceded with the rest of my night.

I tried to call,twice he didn't answer,then he calls back,being all nice,feeling bad I know b/c I went out of my way AGAIN an he crapped on me,in my mind at least.

He's at this chicks house,with her BF hanging out,telling me he is not ignoring me,just don't wanna fight with me.Says I know U have me doin the worst of the worst,but I'm not.Ok whatever.He stays the night there,an as far as I know it's 10am an he is still there,he's not here an he is not at his Dad's

I know I'm better,I didn't freak out,said to myself-his loss.A week ago,he would not have called back,would have told me that is was none of my concern as to where he was at or what he was doing.I know him well------He did call back twice to try an convience me he was doing nothing wrong.

A lil background----I hate this gurl/man with a passion-she's a gurly man,not lady like at all-She shoulda been a man!

Well 1 yr ago tommorrow,he moved out b/c I found out 2 yrs earlier he cheated on me,he goes to her house b/c they work together an it is the easiest way to get to work,He was gone about a week b4 wanting to come back.I have hated her ever since,she got involved in my marriage an I knew she had a crush on him,he told me he thought she did..Where is he a yr later---right back over there,so it did hit me kinda hard,esp. me goin out of my way for him an his Da*n tooth.Grrrrrrrrrr

I'm ok thou,I really am.I know what I have to do.I am gonna be better,and HAPPY weather he is here or not,this I have told him,This I FEEL,This I KNOW!

My Mom even told me yesterday,it was nice to have me back,(I have been gone for yrs.)now fight like she knows I can:p

Thanx again,

Tricia

[scobro]

This is a job for Slubber!!!!

[GuySimple]

I may not have gotten the jest of your post but will give it a try because you seem anxious about getting some peace and understanding about your situation.

 

Firstly, I am not sure that under the circumstances sleeping with him was the best thing to do. He either gets the wrong idea or you get the wrong idea. The whole term “make-up sex” is there for a reason because people feel that sometimes a little roll in the hay with your ex cures all ills (or at least starts the process). In my experience it only slows the process. People need time to heal wounds or to figure out what their “new” life is going to look like.

 

Secondly, it sounds to me like you are both still wrestling with your emotions of the situation. The parade example, enjoy the fact that you are moving on, if your son has a problem with his father, help your son deal with his emotions, because that is what a mother does. You do not need to help his father, nor feel sorry for him. He is a “mature” adult, he needs to work through this on this.

 

My thinking, the priorities that would place on people and things in your situation would be in this order….1st – your kids, 2nd – yourself, 3rd – your financial security, 4th – your mother (because is sounds like she is a friend), 5th – all your other friends. If there as anything else left after all of that go buy a good book on how to deal with a big sulk of a husband.

[Becoming]

Who knows about the sex--whether it was a good idea or not. I mean, men aren't the only ones with needs, are they?

 

I'm wondering if he's on the prowl again, though, and if this isn't the reason why the turn in your relationship. Is there another woman involved? It seems like that might acct. for some of his actions. Guilt will make people do strange things.

 

But I think you're doing the right things. DON'T let him come home and don't go out of your way to do anything for him you don't really want to do. If the marriage continues, it's got to be on your terms as well. In the meantime, if you want to sleep with him and can without expecting anything else but a good roll in the hay, why not? He is your husband after all. But be safe. And if there's gonna be a divorce, don't give him anything to use against you by you seeing someone else. Even if he doesn't want to, his lawyer will.

 

Yeah, Tricia!

 

I

[slubberdegullion]

Hi Tricia;

 

Please update. There are a lot of LSers here who are concerned about you.

[Tricia]

I'm just getting to where I can even think straight.I am gonna start another thread here in the next few minutes.I have to think about it,it's a dooozie!!!!!!!!