Am I being resonable?

[dancm661]

Sorry this is so long, but I really need input.

 

 

My wife of 5 years and I decided to move to oregon, she is already there with our two kids, has gotten a place ect.. and I should be there within 2 weeks. But we have gone 2 months now without seeing eachother, before that we never went more than like a total of 14 days without seeing eachother, and im not talking about at one time, i mean in 5 year we never spent a total of more than 14 days apart, so im totally not used to not seeing her, I feel real insecure ect..

 

I am 25, she is 24, our kids are 4 and 5.

 

She now lives close to a female cousin that is kind of koo koo, same age ect...

 

Her cousin and her cousins boyfriend of 5 years basiclly fight constantly and they broke up. My wife has gone over there and tried to mediate ect.. She feels bad for the boyfriend because she knows her cousin has issues and she told him if he ever needed to talk ect.. he could always call or come over. Me and her are both very jelouse people so I was'nt to comfertable with that, im just to insecure being in a differant state than her and the thought of another man at my house, I know I need to work on that.

So anyhow I talked to her and she told me her cousin was driving her boyfriend crazy and the boyfriend showed up on her doorstep at like midnight or so cause he needed a place to crash, for some reason he didnt want to drive the 10 minutes it would have taken to get to where he could have stayed. I was not happy about that but I did'nt let it show, she was like wow I was expecting you to be pissed.

The next day I find out that they watched a movie when he came over! so here I thought that he woke her up out of bed to answer the door and he just came in and crashed to now they watched a movie togeather, Yea I was mad! She claims she told me "as if she would tell me that and i would forget" then she says well I told my cousin that we watched a movie so I guess I got it confused, I expressed ebing mad that im finding out new details a day later and she's like well now you know everything! I told her look to me that is just unnaceptable, your man is out of state, you dont have some guy over at midnight watching a movie with him, im am just totally not ok with that.

SO.. the day after that! she messages me online and says "not that it matters but david offered me a beer when he came over" that was all she said, I was like not that it matters?! ofcoarse that matters, now im finding out he offered you beer, some guy that is just coming out of a relationship is at my wifes house at midnight, offering her a beer and watching a movie with her, when her husband is out of state! So I call her cousin and am like what on earth does your ex-boyfriend think he's doing bringing alcohol to my wifes house and offering it to her, and she tells me that my wife had him get her a specific beer and that they indeed drank togeather! So here 3 days later im getting the whole story.

I mean what can i do besides tell her that is totally misleading and NOT ok with me. He obviously has no respect for me, i know him in person and he knows im a pretty jeouse guy.

 

So her cousin talkes to her ex-boyfriend and tells him she doesnt want to see him in person anymore and that he can see his son through my wife, and my wife agrees to be a middleman, so that just ercks me, I think it's not to much to ask that she dont see this freakin guy at least until I am up there which is in like 2 weeks. She tells me my feelings are stupid, that she doesnt agree that I should care if this guy is coming over on the weekends to see his son ect.. I DO NOT WANT THIS GUY AT MY WIFES HOUSE RIGHT NOW.

She very pissed off and yelling at me says she will respect my feelings, but lets me know how stupid my feelings are, to me thats not showing love. And about love that is a complaint I have, I show my love really good, but I really get no love from her, she says it, but actions speak louder than words, she admits she doesnt show it and says that she doesnt have time to show it, but she has time to be a middle man for this couple? with a guy that she mislead me about and had over at midnight, drank with and watched a movie with in a nice little dark living room all by themselves, him telling her "i feel so comfertable talking to you, over the past years i never did but i do now" It's like dude back the hell off my wife.

 

Thats how I feel.

 

PLEASE GIVE ME INPUT!

am i reasonable for not wanbting this dude around my wife at least for another 2 weeks till I get there and feel alot more secure and comfrtable and less jelouse?

 

Any extra imput would be appreciated.

[Outcast]

You should trust your wife. Tell her if he turns up again at her place because he can't make it to someplace else, to drive him someplace else and then come home.

[dancm661]

that just kinda doesnt work for me. but thanks for the post.

[curiousnycgirl]

What doesn't work for you - trusting your wife? Then you've got some serious issues. If it didn't work that she drive him elsewhere, leaving your 4 and 5 year old alone - that I understand.

 

Why do you feel you can't trust your wife? That is the bigger issue here. Has she done something in the past to make you lose faith? If not then the problem is yours, not hers.

 

Can't say much more without answers to the above.

[Bryanp]

If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be O.K. would some woman coming over at midnight to have a beer and watch television with you? I am sorry but your wife is totally disrespecting you. I agree that you have a more serious problem which is why your wife would be disrespecting you this way and also withholding the truth from you time and again. I would be very angry also.

[dancm661]

Bryanp, lol I know, what on earfth are these other people talking about, I guess they did'nt read the whole post. Also she admitted if it was reversed she would have left me.. go figure. But im the one with issues here, lol.