Do you think you can fall back in love?

[taylor3205]

If you fall out of love with somebody. Or think that you have. Can you fall back into love with the person you fell out of love with? Is this possible?

 

I only ask as Ive only ever loved one person and they say they no longer love me. I am guessing that yes its possible but does anyone have any experience of this??

[newbby]

i think it depends on why she fell out of love. how long have you been together? in my experience i have never fallen back in love with any of my exes that i ended it with, because the reason it ended was because we had grown apart. these were all people i had been with for a long time. as for other relationships that were ended quickly because of not being sure etc, i think it is possible. you need to give more info.

[taylor3205]

i think it depends on why she fell out of love. how long have you been together? in my experience i have never fallen back in love with any of my exes that i ended it with, because the reason it ended was because we had grown apart. these were all people i had been with for a long time. as for other relationships that were ended quickly because of not being sure etc, i think it is possible. you need to give more info.

 

Together for 7 years. Living together for 5. We became quite distant from one another. Dont know why only that 'feelings just change'. He still contacts me. Still wants to remain friends. Cares a lot for me. He has just totally shut me out emotionally and romatically, says it will never happen again and moved out. Yet still wants to be friends, come round for coffee etc Talking about in time going out for dinner etc

[omegaRED]

He`s comfortable with you around as a friend, he has no romantic feelings towards you. If you two grew apart, after a 7 year relationship, i`d say that there is a very slim chance of him falling for you again. You both grew, priorities, needs, wants, goals changed. Such is life. At least he`s honest and told you there`s no chance.

 

Do what you must, NC.

[In Sync]

taylor3205,

when did you both end the relationship? was it recent...and yet he still comes around as a friend to talk...ABOUT WHAT? That's rather easy for him, I'd say. he get's to be comfortable (and you I gather are still in love with him?) so what do you get out of this new friendship aside from being reminded that he no longer has romantic feelings for you..geez..Hand him a teddy bear and cup of hot chocolate and send him away!

[taylor3205]

taylor3205,

when did you both end the relationship? was it recent...and yet he still comes around as a friend to talk...ABOUT WHAT? That's rather easy for him, I'd say. he get's to be comfortable (and you I gather are still in love with him?) so what do you get out of this new friendship aside from being reminded that he no longer has romantic feelings for you..geez..Hand him a teddy bear and cup of hot chocolate and send him away!

 

It was 2 months ago, he ended it, not me. We just talk about everyday stuff. Talk about what we used to talk about when we were together. And yes I am still in love with him. I enjoy his company, always have done. I dont want to give him up. We had a good laugh when he came round today. It was nice to talk and see him, not so nice when he walks out of the door but there you go. I dont want to live without him. Its allways the case, we get on like a house on fire when we dont see much of each other. We were both just getting stressed living on top of each other 24/7. He felt trapped and so did I, with all the commitment, the house, the debt, housework and all the rest of it and it all took a strain on the relationship, it was very rocky and turbulent to begin with infidelity etc but settled down after a year or so. And just the past 6-8 month it became a grind. My depression got worse and the relationship hit the rocks, we just used to vent on each other.

 

He is one in a million to me. Ive never felt this way about anybody in my life and very much doubt I will again and I just cant turn my back on that. It eats me up inside. I dont know if there will ever be a chance of us getting back together but I am not turning my back on him. I really cannot cope without him. 2 months and not a day goes by that I dont miss him with all my heart. I dont know how all this will end. I do enjoy his company, its not just about all the romantic stuff. He is my friend, just not my lover anymore (yes that hurts). I had depression when I was with him and now it is 20 times worse. We go way way back to school days, I allways fancied him and vice versa. We basically grew up together. Went to the same school, mutual friends and one thing and another. He says there is no one else and I believe him. If we still have friendship and get on well then surely there can be a chance for us. If/when he ever does meet someone else I know I will loose him all over again, I just really hope that never happens or maybe by some miracle I will be over him by then (not likely).

 

I was adopted as a child and I have read that that could cause me to take a relationship breakup badly, fear of abondonment or something, plus its my first love. Maybe subconciously that is a part of why Im clinging on to him. All I know is, he is the most important person in my world. I would do anything for him. I really have went to pieces since he left, just not functioning, sleeping a lot, drinking a lot, self destructive behaviour. I know if I really really needed him for anything important he would be there like a shot. Every single solitary last thing in my life reminds me of him, plus its a small town where everyone knows each other. Even if he did stop coming round I would bump into him guaranteed. If I had NC at all I would still bump into him, I would still hear about who he was with. I couldnt shut him out of my life 100% even if I wanted too.

 

I dont know what to do for the best. My heart tells me one thing, my head tells me another. Everyone gives there advice and my head is spinning. I wish I could just take off somewhere and never have to come back. I have to face the empty house, the memories on a daily basis. I cant remember the last time I went away anywhere without him. We have never really been apart in the 7 years we have been together. I feel like nothing without him. I really did think id found my soulmate. Its all hollow. Christmas!! We met on boxing day, wouldve been 7 year this boxing day. I am really going to try to enjoy it but I know I wont. I will put a brave face on during the day and just crumble when I have to come back here. I really think I should not be alone on boxing day, I am scared of what I will do. New years eve is going to be a killer as well, new year new start. Yea new year, new start to my lonely single life without him. Lets get the champers out!!!

 

This all started when he took a job as a karaoke/DJ guy a few months ago. Think he got used to being in the pub and the whole party atmosphere every night and then took a look at the daily grind, the stability, security, responsibility and our realtionship not being 100%. You know all the excitement and probably chat up lines in the pub atmosphere then coming home to debt, housework and a relationship that was going through a bad patch and he has thought well Ito hell with that. He thinks a relationship should not require effort, it should all just come naturally with no effort at all. Maybe it should? I dont know, I think all relationships do require effort. Theres not anyone I know that doesent think they can run away from it all sometimes. He says maybe if we were older he wouldve stayed, I guess he just wants some excitement. I know he thinks the grass is greener, and it maybe will be, who knows. A lot of people who know the situation say that he will regret doing this later on. I can completely understand how he see's it all. I wished I didnt have all the responsibility and I could go out every weekend with no money worries or worrying about whos going to let the dogs out and one thing and another. Things is I have been there and done that and he hasnt. I have done the going out every weekend for months on end before I met him. He didnt. Maybe we settled down too young. I dont know.

[Hot Chocolate]

To answer your question..yes, you CAN fall in love again. But should you or should he? NO! From what I've seen and experienced this almost NEVER works out. And you two have a history that almost guarantees failure.

[In Sync]

We were both just getting stressed living on top of each other 24/7. He felt trapped and so did I, with all the commitment, the house, the debt, housework and all the rest of it and it all took a strain on the relationship, it was very rocky and turbulent to begin with infidelity etc but settled down after a year or so. And just the past 6-8 month it became a grind. My depression got worse and the relationship hit the rocks, we just used to vent on each other.

 

He is one in a million to me.

I dont know if there will ever be a chance of us getting back together but I am not turning my back on him. I really cannot cope without him. 2 months and not a day goes by that I dont miss him with all my heart. I dont know how all this will end. I do enjoy his company, its not just about all the romantic stuff.

If/when he ever does meet someone else I know I will loose him all over again, I just really hope that never happens or maybe by some miracle I will be over him by then (not likely).

 

If I had NC at all I would still bump into him, I would still hear about who he was with. I couldnt shut him out of my life 100% even if I wanted too.

 

I dont know what to do for the best. My heart tells me one thing, my head tells me another. Everyone gives there advice and my head is spinning. I feel like nothing without him

 

I deleted certain parts because the real issues were within these sentences.

I do believe you secretly don't want to buy all this stuff you've written because you would not have written on LS and would have been happy to just stay in your situation, but somewhere deep within you, I think you know your situation is like a drowning person in the ocean who does want a life preserver. Because you do know that your are slowly staying in a sinking position. So I'm going to address you honestly.

That man is not the only man on the planet. AND yes I know the feelings of being dumped and still to this very day feel some feeling of "if only", but I know now it's because of that demon called 'fear of loneliness'. In a nutshell, you are accepting this setup with him, but the message you are also giving him is..I have no self respect, I need you and I will accept whatever crumbs of your existence because I am using you as a life support. Wow that sounds really inviting for him to want to go back to. Without a doubt no matter how much of a comfort zone you are to him...the first independent emotionally secure woman he meets whom he finds available that person is going to look waaaay more and attractive (not physical but chemistry) and he's going to want to be with that person. AND YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT? I also think that your biding time with how much he is willing to be your life support before it gets to be a burden. You are still dependent on him like a drug and having been this way myself and thinking I needed that guy, take it from me. IT'S A COMPLETE LIE and A CRUTCH. Therefore you get to be a victim. Wow!

Yes you can shut this guy out of your life. And the sooner you do hardcore NC, and regain your self respect the better.

So let me get this picture you are going to wait around for him (even while he has made it clear he no longer thinks of you in the romantic way) and keep focusing on him, but not think about getting your needs and romance and love and everything you deserve in your life. Uh, you know what.. that's really really sad. Listen, He's your drug and you need to kick the habit. Period.

[taylor3205]

I think you know your situation is like a drowning person in the ocean who does want a life preserver.

 

that demon called 'fear of loneliness'.

 

the message you are also giving him is..I have no self respect, I need you and I will accept whatever crumbs of your existence because I am using you as a life support.

 

the first independent emotionally secure woman he meets whom he finds available that person is going to look waaaay more and attractive (not physical but chemistry) and he's going to want to be with that person.

 

You are still dependent on him like a drug and having been this way myself and thinking I needed that guy, take it from me. IT'S A COMPLETE LIE and A CRUTCH. Therefore you get to be a victim. Wow!

 

Yes you can shut this guy out of your life. And the sooner you do hardcore NC, and regain your self respect the better.

 

So let me get this picture you are going to wait around for him (even while he has made it clear he no longer thinks of you in the romantic way) and keep focusing on him, but not think about getting your needs and romance and love and everything you deserve in your life. Uh, you know what.. that's really really sad. Listen, He's your drug and you need to kick the habit. Period.

 

Thanks InSync.........Harsh words..............but true. Was talking to someone the other night who I only just met and they said this has left me with 0 self esteem and that came from someone that hardly knows me!!! I have to pick myself up one day. I just need to accept this relationship is a lost cause. Getting there slowly.................I just need to believe in myself and have faith that there will be a brighter future of my own making. I am focusing too much [totally] on HIM and not ME, he was this and he was that and I have screwed it up and his soo much better than me and all the rest of the negative crap I have been thinking has got to change. The way I think of my ex right now as he is perfection, such a great person and I think I am inadequate.

 

I know what I need to do, its just doing it, letting go and resigning myself to the fact its never going to happen. Like Hot Chocolate said, even if it did, it would probably just end up like this again.

 

I am scared of being lonely, I admit that, I am scared of not loving again. I AM lonely...........but I know only I have the power to change that. I am not independant and I am far from emotionally secure right now, but I will get there.

 

Hardcore NC

 

^^ This will be hard. WHEN I actually do initiate it.

 

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Came across this link that some people might find useful:

 

http://www.abandonment.net/help.ctr.html

[newbby]

this just recently happened to a couple i know. they had been together a long time like you guys and he ended things after a difficult year. it was similar, practicalities etting on top of them etc. so they split, moved away from each other, now he is missing her and calling her all the time. i think the thing that did it here was the nc because of the distance. i think you should try nc. just say to him, it would be nice to see you sometimes, but as we are no longer together i need to build up a new life that doesnt involve seeing you. be firm with this. definetly do not ever sleep with him, and make it obviously that you are taking his decision seriously and getting on with your life.

[In Sync]

I am scared of being lonely, I admit that, I am scared of not loving again. I AM lonely...........but I know only I have the power to change that. I am not independant and I am far from emotionally secure right now, but I will get there.

 

Trust me you are not the only one who is scared of being lonely..hell, I could write a book on the subject, but now I recognize I can be lonely and regain my self esteem and dignity and if I can do NC, you can too. Of course the feeling loneliness is not going to disappear overnight. It would be foolish and childish to think so, but right now you are still lonely and allowing yourself to be suction cup to this guy. Show him you are strong and capable of standing on your own two emotional feet for awhile. You don't need to hate him or anything like that, but he's done with you as a person he wants to be with. Let him have the image of you as 'hey she can really survive without me.'

Your dependency on him will wear itself thin and I am not going to give you false hope by writing stuff like it's possible you will get back together because that won't get you to change your self perception. That's the core of the problem, that you've put him above you. You will get to being emotionally secure but you have to "dig and claw" (obviously a methaphor here) your way and be proud of yourself that you can do it!

[CaliGuy]

This is going to sound vain, but take some YOU time away from him to spoil yourself. Go to the gym, work out and get in good shape, get a tan, cut or do something to your hair, etc.

 

Sometimes just getting yourself in better shape and them seeing that will help. At least with some friends who broke up with someone because they gained weight, when they lost the weight and got back in shape they got interested again.

 

I know it's vain but really, the benefit is even if you aren't attractive to them anymore you will find yourself with more people interested in you!