I hate her and i can't stop loving her! help!

[AltplanB]

I was with this girl for a year and helped her through a bunch of issues in her life including bulimia, her fathers demise, and job depression. After she had gotten better, and turned 21, she dropped me stating that we didn't mesh. Up until that point it was "i love you" with so much meaning. A week after the break up she hooks up with some dude and is now dating him. It wraunches at my stomach and i can't get over how nice of a person she was but how mean she specifically was too me. She didn't even give me a chance to work out whatever problems we had even though i stuck with her through all of hers. I hold on to the belief that she will remember all of the times i was there for her and cared for her instead of just using and dropping me. She gives me less and less attention and i know its over, but i love her still and believe that she, although my first love, is the person that i could spend the rest of my life with, even after all the turmoil and such. I guess what i am asking is, how do you trick your brain to stop loving someone? I mean i am a nice sensitive guy. I want to move on without becoming a drunk, sleazy jock. and dont tell me it just takes time.

[JayKay]

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. Damn, nothing hurts like being ditched, does it?

 

She did it in such an insensitive manner, too. That sucks. No other way to say it.

 

I assume that since she has dealt with bulimia and depression, she may still have a number of emotional issues to iron out. You didn't mention whether or not she is currently in therapy? I guarantee you, she should be. Bulimia is not joke and one of the HALLMARK traits of bulimia and other eating disorders is an issue with intimacy.

Most people with eating disorders cannot handle too much intimacy and often sabotage relationships with people who get too close to their innermost feelings and thoughts.

 

The fact that she acted cruel towards someone who treated her kindly speaks volumes about her. She probably has a very hard time showing love and being generous with herself.

People with eating disorders and depression CAN overcome these issues...but only after a lot of hard work, focus and discipline.

 

She probably has difficult relationships with other people besides you. I'd guess she goes through friends fairly quickly as well.....

 

I don't know how to tell you the easiest way to get over someone. Usually keeping busy, excercising and pursuing new interests and ventures helps. Time really is the prescription for healing. While you're recovering, do not isolate and do not abuse yourself.

[Still_In_Love]

I have to totally agree with JayKay. The key in this situation is to heal yourself. No one can truly know how you feel, but there are many of us out here that have had similar things happen...that's why we found this board! My heart goes out to you for the pain you must be feeling. Knowing that this person may be the one you think you could spend the rest of your life with makes it hurt even more and don't kid yourself, she knows how you feel about her, who you are, and why you were there in her life.

My ex-gf told me in the morning how much she loved me and that night said goodbye. I still love her with all my heart and yes there are times it still hurts, but I am comforted knowing that I did nothing but love her and she will always know that whether she is in my life or not.

I am slowly moving on, finding more about myself every day. Don't use time as a healing tool, use your inner strength...you have it because you used it while you were with her! Find it again and use it for yourself!

Good Luck, you'll be fine!!!

[AltplanB]

A final message i sent her: She doesn't respond then its over.

 

I want to get something off my chest.

 

I just want you to know that I don't blame you for your decision and that I know you will be happy living in Berkeley. I want you to know that I really miss you and still love you very much. I'm sorry this has happened and I wish everyday that I could make it better. I look back at all the times we had, both good and bad, and pray that it isn't over. I try to keep myself busy, I try to put on a smile, but I know that you are happy without me, and that this is your choice. I know that I have problems, just as you do, and know that I am working on them as we speak. I know that you will be with other men, and that you might forget about all that we had, but I don’t want to give up on someone I think is really special, someone I truly care for, even through all that has happened.

I still have fun and I still have a life that has goals and meaning. I still party. I just miss you so much and wish that we could be together, if not now then in the future. I love everything about you, I am sorry, that’s just the way it is. You once told me that you couldn’t stand it unless you were absolutely in love. Well this is me, being utterly in love with you, no second thoughts, no unresolved anger, just love. Love for you and who you are. So I just want you to know how I feel. I just want you to know that I love you so much, that if that if you are happy with someone else instead of me, ill try to let go...If not, I'm always here for you and you should know that.

 

 

 

I know its a little sappy but my another ex of mine helped me write it. Its all true too. No lies. She turns me down solid i dont want anything to do with her. I dont want to be with the person she has become.

[AltplanB]

I guess we'll just have to wait to see her reply. Thanks for all your help.

 

Final Thought: This is the way i am about these things. If she isn't the same as me when it comes to this, then i guess we aren't compatable. I gave her a second chance but she wouldn't give me one. Thats the grounds for knowing that it could never work.

[I Miss Her]

Hey i was in the very same situation that u are in and now kind of am in it again..the first time my gf of 8 months randomly dumped me and said things werent working out even though a day before it was all i love u and we were meant for eachother..she went out with another guy that was actually a friend of mine..and proceeded to totally ignore that in a day or two she dumped me and was openly with my friend..i was in hell...i became completely depressed ..she is and was my first love yet for some reason she doesnt remember how i lost all my friends over being with her and how i hung out with her everyday and helped her when she was depressed and let her hang out with me and my friends cause she doesnt have many friends...i gave my heart and sould to her yet..in a second she loses her love to me? a little bit later i talked to her and she told me how she regretted everythin she did and that she wanted to be back with me. after everythin i let her back into my life and didnt give her **** for anything..i was the best boyfriend i could be ...but once school started again **** dwindled down and became bad again and now we broke up and a week later she is already fine with me talkin to other girls...i hope my experience helps u...girls just confuse the **** outa me but i truly believe that its all maturity level..they will realize the horrible mistake they made but it will take them a while..the best thing to do is pick up a hobby and just be there for her...she may have hurt u but she is still that girl u fell in love with:(

[AltplanB]

she read it and didn't respond. its over, i hate her. I can't believe that she would become this way and not help me the way i helped her. I don't even have any serious problems, just kinda a depressed outlook on life. She had bulimia, job depression, mood swings, her fathers demise, and i helped her through all of that. It was really hard but i did it because i cared for her. Now look where its gotten me. So screw her. I helped her find a better life and i got dropped because of it.