My Aunt is rude and Arrogant

[ceewers]

First, let me start off by giving you a synopsis of my aunt before i get to the real problem: She and my mom are twins, although they dont look alike, all of my life she doesnt refer to me by using my name she calls me "ugly", it doenst matter where we are thats what she calls me. she always criticizes me, saying she doesnt like my hair style, or the clothes im wairing at that particular moment when i am around her.

 

Here is the issue, i met the love of my life and he is 11 years older than me, i am 22 he is 33, he is from new york and just moved down here because his parents have died and he has family here. When everyone met him, they loved him, and this past Thanksgiving, he came with me and my family to my grandmothers to eat, and of course my aunt, judy was there. she always acts like she is mad, she storms in the house doesnt say nothing to nobody and walks in the living room where she sits, she then says that she isnt eating in the same room with me and my boyfriend, but my grandmother makes her.

 

during this time, judy doesnt say anything to me, but i see her out of the corner of my eye, and its like she is just staring at me from one end to the other, i felt like she was staring straight through me, and i didnt make eye contact with her because i didnt want to hear her insults, she starts in anyways, by asking if im passing school and i said yes and she said i bet you are, and one class in the summer i took i failed and she threw that in my face, asking why i failed it. and then my boyfriend got up to get some more food and she told me that i could do better than him, so i made him swallow the food so we could leave and we were leaving and she seen a ring on my hand and asked what it meant and i told her it was something between me and him and she asked what, and i told her again that was between me and him and she then told me that i needed couseling. and i said im not the one that needs counseling.

 

then this morning my mom tells me that me and my boyfriend will eat in the other room with my other aunt and they will eat in there with judy because judy told my grandmother that she doesnt feel comfortable around my boyfriend because he is older. and that has blown me away, and now i feel like i dont even want to go up there and even look at judy.

 

i have put up with her crap all of my life, my mom loves her to death and thinks she cant do no wrong, but now that comment about feeling uncomfortable, my mom and dad doesnt like, and they think judy is jealous of us and my other aunt, jealous of my mom because she had a daughter when thats what judy wanted, she had a son...and thats crazy of being jealous because judy is the one that lives in the "rich" neighborhood, not us nor my other aunt, so we arent sure why she is acting like she is, but i dont feel comfortable around her because of how she treats me, i never have, and now that i have heard this, it makes no sense, my boyfriend has never done anything to her, he has been as polite to her as possible, and i dont understand it. so, im just irritated right now and i really dont know what to do. i know that i will be up there for Christmas, but right now i really dont want to be because of her.

 

please help me.....

[Outcast]

The way you write makes you sound extremely young - too young for a guy who's 33. The reason I say this is that you should be old enough to deal with your aunt maturely. She seems to have some anger problems or some hostility and she takes it out on you. So understand that whatever she says or does is about her, not about you, and ignore it.

 

me and my boyfriend will eat in the other room with my other aunt and they will eat in there with judy

 

Problem solved. Neither of you has to sit with her during dinner. I would think you would be pleased at that.

[tinktronik]

Hello ceeweers,

It sounds to me as if you have stood up to your aunt ( told her that shes the one who needs counciling and such)and don't get why it's been okay with the rest of the family that she act this way.Some families become immune( my family included) to the person who is just not " right" or a family member who picks on others. They have simply gotten used to the "presense" of this person . It sounds as if your aunt does have problems picking on someone young enough to be her child.Im sorry youve been so embarrassed by her while trying to introduce your fiance' to your family,thats not pleasant.To e honest I wouldent go for X-mas if I had been relegated to a seperate room because of someone elses behavior, I have made the descision to sourround my life with possitive people who are happy to have me around.But if you decide to continue this you shold speak to your mother and explain the situation to her ,and explain your family dynamic to your fiance as well. Good luck with this .

[quankanne]

judy sounds resentful and jealous of what she thinks she doesn't have, and takes it out on others to make herself feel better. My thought? Pity her and treat her kindly, even as she spits in your eye or stab you in the back. Just kill her with kindness ~ just because she's a rude person doesn't mean you have to sink to her level, and it makes her look all that much more worse when you're genuinely doing your best to get along. Eventually, someone (like your mom or granny) is going to call her on her bad behavior.

 

that said, it's perfectly normal to choose to avoid being in situations with the woman: Why make yourself miserable when you don't have to be? Again, just kill her with kindness when you are stuck in her presence, and don't worry about it the rest of the time. No matter what you do, she's going to do her best to find something to hold/use against you just to make her as miserable as she is, and people like that eventually are rendered ineffective when you rebuff them with kindness.

 

explain to your guy that she's kind of an odd bird, and to pay her no mind, because while she IS a relative, she's NOT going to be there 200 percent of the time.

 

don't let her ruin your Christmas with her sour attitude, because it's more than just her in your family.

[ceewers]

Thanks for the advice, the reason we all eat in two separate rooms is that the kitchen area doesnt have enough room so, half the people split into the kithcen and the other half in the dinning room, and thats where ive always been in the dinning room with judy and her son and husband and my grandmother, my mom,dad and aunt and uncle are in the kitchen, so this Christmas my mom and dad will eat in the dinning room with judy and them and me and tristan (fiance') will eat in the kitchen.

 

Yes, i am younger than tristan, im 22 he's 33, and judy's son is 24..so i do agree that she seems jealous!