seachange Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Since his last name hasn't changed, he's been successful so far! He hasn't really been tested, though, has he? Since nobody's ever asked him to change it. a4a - just wanted to say I'm glad you guys managed to talk about it peacefully and without name-calling. I wish you continued peace and joy in your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
InTheMachine Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I like the tradition of the wife taking the man's name. Then again, my ex-wife STILL has my name -- and I want it back, dammit. Personally, since I never liked my own last name, if I was getting married again I'd wish my new wife and I could BOTH pick a brand new name and start over with that. Silly, maybe. But it'd give me a name I liked, and keep the woman equal. Hell, she can pick it, if she wants. Women have better taste. Only one thing you CANT do. Hyphenating is gross enough but thats up to you, but do NOT have both of you hyphenate. Yes, I knew a guy who did it. His name was like Green and hers was Leibowitz, and he's now Dave Green-Leibowitz. No, Im not kidding. Dont do that. Anything but that. Link to post Share on other sites
me25 Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 because i liked it better than his. because its been with me since birth. because i AM NOT his property. Slaves in the south took their master's last name. Ask HIM if he would take YOUR last name. He probably wouldn't so why should you take his?? I totally agree with you on this. I am currently attending law school...so I have no "real" excuse profession wise to keep my last name. But it's been my name since I was born...I like it. I like the way it sounds, I like that it carries an ethnic distinction...I like that it is who I am. If taking a name means unifying the two...then wouldn't that mean both last names would be included? And just b/c it's tradition..tradition doesn't make it the right way. it just means it's been done over and over again. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 a4a if you and your husband are happy with your marriage that is all that matters to and don;t listen to what anybody else says. Just look at some of the posts on this board. Not exactly the type of people that should be giving out marital advice so who are they to judge if you want to keep your name. If my girlfriend wants to keep her name when we marry I am fine with it. It doesn't mean that she loves me less or is any less commited. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 a4a if you and your husband are happy with your marriage that is all that matters to and don;t listen to what anybody else says. Just look at some of the posts on this board. Not exactly the type of people that should be giving out marital advice so who are they to judge if you want to keep your name. If my girlfriend wants to keep her name when we marry I am fine with it. It doesn't mean that she loves me less or is any less commited. You just said something quite awesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 I shall simply ignore those who want to turn others into clone drones forced to think just like them and respond to a4a's original issue and chime in with yet another woman's point of view and another couple dimensions not mentioned. My husband and I had this conversation before we were married. I am the last of my family line, and there are no males to continue the name. I completely understand the I-don't-want-to-be-subsumed-under-my-husband's-identity thing as Mrs. Husband's Name. YUCK! I am me, not an extension of my husband. But I was 21 when I married 25 years ago, and at that pt. in my neck of the woods (a very traditional society) even considering not taking my husband's name was blasphemy. I am a feminist (which for me simply means that I believe men and women should be considered equally valuable) and have been since the day I was born. Taking a man's name was tantmount to being considered his property, an acquiescence to patriarchy which hurts so many men and women with presuppositions about what "real men" and "real women" do. I saw no need to perpetuate that tradition. My husband, usually an easy-going guy, really cared that I took his name, though, which surprised me. As he pointed out, by having my father's name I am already participating in patriarchy. Touche! In some Scandanavian countries, it is the women's last names that prevail, which makes tracing lineage more stable. We talked about making up a name we both liked, too, but that would have insulted both our families. Hyphenates are just too complicated. Tracing family history is important to me, and I'm something of a geneaologist so the thought of suddenly disappearing in history due to a strange name change didn't appeal to me. Tradition prevailed. I took my husband's name but use my maiden name as a middle on many things (but I keep my real middle, too, because it's my mother's, which makes for one freaking long name to put on forms!). Interesting that I came across this thread after researching material on the Native American vision quest where the one question the questor contemplates for four days out all alone is a simple one: "What is your name?" Initiation rituals nearly all involve a change of name to signify new beginnings, identity, and purpose. So no wonder this is a bigger deal than simple logic would have us believe. Link to post Share on other sites
High Contrast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 because i liked it better than his. ... because i AM NOT his property. Slaves in the south took their master's last name. Hey Portable! Do you realize you're listed as male? Or am I being horribly heteronormative here? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Hey Portable! Do you realize you're listed as male? Or am I being horribly heteronormative here? I believe the default setting is 'male'. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Figures. (Couldn't resist!) Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 I shall simply ignore those who want to turn others into clone drones forced to think just like them and respond to a4a's original issue... Hear hear! I took my husband's name but use my maiden name as a middle on many things (but I keep my real middle, too, because it's my mother's, which makes for one freaking long name to put on forms!). The woman keeping her last name as a middle name is a tradition in Mexico (and other countries I'm sure). In fact, your full name can include several generations of maiden names, from mother to grandmother to great-grandmother etc. For a geneaologist, this would be a boon! Now, in answer to the OP's original post, my wife considered keeping her maiden name or combining it with mine. In the end, she decided to do neither and took my name. It was a pragmatic decision. Keeping her maiden name would have caused issues when we had children, and hyphenating would have been unwieldy and long. This was not due to pressure by me. I was fine with whatever choice she made - after all, it's HER name! Link to post Share on other sites
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