Confused woman story.

[sw]

The ex gf and I started out as just friends.. We started to hang out more and more and it was becoming obvious that there was attraction on both parts. Then one day she told me liked things the way they are right now, just as friends I was a little disappointed but I really liked her just as a friend, so I was OK with it. A few days later we were hanging out at her place, we started wrestling on the couch and I kissed her, she kissed me back and we started making out. She then reminded me what she had said about just being friends, but said “what the hell it felt so right.”

 

We were together as a couple for about three months and we got along amazing, we had so much fun together. We just clicked so well, but I always got the feeling she was hesitant or nervous about the relationship. She tried to break up with me one day , because she thought I was not committed to a relationship to her, I proved to her how much I cared about her and things were good for a couple of weeks .

 

then She broke up with me and gave me some excuse and told me she didn't want to be involved with me,but maybe in a couple of years if she was still single we could try again , she kissed me before telling me this though , but she was calling me again a few days later and asked me back after a couple of weeks. We spent a couple of nights together then she started to avoid me and broke up with me again. Told me she wanted to be just friends like we . I accepted this and tried to be her friend, but she was always giving me mixed signals (intimate touching).So, I poured my heart out to her one day and told her “I can’t be just friends with you”. She asked me out a couple of days later. She was holding my hand for the first time in two months and being very touchy around me, she was even hugging me. She invited me on a camping trip with her friends her words were “I want you to come, because I know I will have fun if you come”

She let me share her tent. The camping trip went Ok, but there seemed to be a little tension. So, after the trip she started to avoid me. Until I called her up one day, she told me she was uncomfortable around me now. I was frustrated and left it alone.

 

After a couple of months of NC I sent her a birthday card, she absolutely loved it. Because I had put a lot of thought into it .She talked about doing things together again in the future. We were talking for hours again and even being flirtatious. She asked me out a couple of times and again invited me to go camping with her friends .She invited a guy she dated briefly about a year ago. The first day I was a little quite around him, but I started to talk to him the next couple of days. I and the ex had a great time, we were just being friends but she was paying more attention to me than the other guys. I thought the trip went well. After the trip I started getting the feeling she was avoiding me again. but she was busy so I left it at that.

 

Now, after a few weeks I knew she was avoiding me, I just tried to be nice to her hoping she would stop avoiding me, but after a couple of months it was starting to bother me. I would see her around and she would talk to me one day and ignore the next, I couldn't figure it out So, I avoided her. But she was always very friendly too me when we see each other around.

I called her to ask her why she was avoiding me. Her reason; she did not feel comfortable around me because I was "cold" to her friend at the camping trip. That blew me away; I thought we had an awesome time. She said she couldn't be with someone who was not nice to her friends. She told me I was always good to her and she had a lot of fun with me, but I was not friendly to others. I am not the most outgoing person in the world but I am not unfriendly to people.

It seems like as soon as things get to close for her comfort she looks for any reason to get away from the relationship. She never tells me when something bothers her; she would rather just end the relationship. I have never once put any pressure on her, I never talked about relationship stuff, and I always tried to keep it light and fun. I always let her make all the first moves. She use to tell me that I was "different and not like other guys."

 

Well, after 4 months of ignoring each other we made up. We met one day on a bike ride and spent the whole day together just talking and we also went for coffee. The chemistry is unbelievable, at the end of the day she said “It was nice talking with you, and I am glad the anonymity is over". So, we were friends again and I only treated her as a friend. I didn't ask her out, or phone her .We would just talk on bike club rides. This lasted for a few weeks, BUT she started avoiding me again. She eventually asked a friend, to tell me she does not want any contact with me again because I have feelings for her and I make her uncomfortable.

 

That was a few months ago, we are now back to ignoring each other again. I got burnt again, and even though we were just friends and I knew this would probably happen again it hurt worst this time than ever before.

 

Oh yeah she is 34.

 

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[JayKay]

This woman seems to have hard time speaking her mind.

 

 

As for the chemistry...it sounds like most of it is on your end. It sounds like you are a great guy and she WANTED to like you more than she did, but in the end...you're just not the one she's going to fall in love with.

 

 

She probably feels bad about what happened and wanted to stay friends, but then realized you really will always want more. So she backed off.

 

I'm sorry you got burnt in this.

[drgnflybethany]

I didn't let the situation go on that far - but to shed some light on the situation, hopefully, I will share with you an incident that happened to me, a while ago.

 

First let me start out by saying, I'm an ambitious person. There's nothing wrong with going to a job, coming home, and eating, sleeping, and then getting up and doing it all over again. However, I'm just not the type to be happy with that kind of a lifestyle. My ex-husband was a gifted man - in the areas of listening and giving advice. On more than one occassion and by more than one person, he was told that he would be a remarkable pyschologist (I felt he could focus on teenagers and have a wonderful career). The only thing he lacked - a degree. So, as his wife, I took it upon myself to help him the only way I knew how - and that was to support him and try to get him back in school - because he said he had a desire to do this kind of work. Well - he lacked the ambition.

 

(And I'm not saying you do - this is getting to another place entirely, I promise...)

 

When I left him - it was because I wanted a lot more out of life - I am very involved in politics - and I lost a lot of that in being married to him - b/c he would never give me his opinion - he has a job that is okay - and he's fine with that.

 

But, I wanted a different life.

 

So, a couple of months after the divorce was final, I started flirting with a guy, who seemed to have everything in place to go further in life. He went to law school - passed the Texas Bar - and said he wanted a job as a lawyer, but actually, he was quite happy being a grease monkey. That's fine. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with me. Don't make me try to help you network, saying you want to be an attorney - when you don't want to be one.

 

Times were different for me - I had learned - I was willing to give him the information on how to get more involved in politics, in the community, because, quite honestly, you make a lot of contacts that way. And, it may take a year or two to get there, but in all honesty, you can honestly go far. He wanted me to work to find his job - not just help - I was supposed to go research this stuff for him.

 

So, that was my irritant number one.

 

He thought things were fine.

 

Irritant number two came when - first off - we had one night, where I'm not even technically sure if it was a "date" b/c he never classified it as that, but he didn't try to touch me, didn't try to kiss me - nothing. And I felt, well - if he was interested, he would at least attempt it. We had been out to dinner before - but this was a different night... anyhow...

 

So, that was a Friday - and we spent Saturday afternoon together - and then Sunday - I had a political meeting... and he text messaged me to call him when I got out. I was feeling very sick - and as a severe asthmatic, I know when I can't push my limits. I had to write two important emails from the Internet cafe we hang out in, and then, I wanted to go home. So, I called to tell him.. and he kept saying, well, come to my friend's house - come on over - oh, and we're going to this bar. First off, it was Sunday night - and I had to work the next day - and I get up and go to work early.... and he knew that. So, I said, no - I'm not feeling well (I said it about five times) - and that I was going to take care of somethings - and then I was going home.

 

SO... what does he do?

 

He comes up to the cafe - and sits besides me - doesn't talk - now, I took off my headphones (that I wear when I'm working) for the next ten minutes, expecting him to say something - and he never did. And, finally, I put them back on, and about five minutes later, he said - well, are you going to be a while? I said, yes.. and then I'm going home. I NEVER intimated that I would be up to going out - not even as a possibility. I told him to go have fun with his friends...

 

So, that made me angry, b/c I told him several times that I just wasn't up for it - and he didn't respect that...

 

Then, the next two times he saw me in the cafe, he came over - asked me what I was working on - and when I said I was busy - he STARED at my laptop screen. I'm not talking casually glanced at it - I'm talking, he came around the table - without asking - and stared at what I was working at - an absolute big "no, no."

 

I have a hard time confronting people... so I let it go - and I slipped quietly out of his life...

 

I know he was hurt by this and I regret it - but if he would just ask, I'd tell him, he didn't respect me, my feelings - and I don't like it when people check up on me.. especially people that don't have a right to.

 

The thing is - in his mind - he did nothing wrong...

 

We only have on side of the story here - and that is yours. We don't know her side, so it's impossible to give you great advice for the situation.

 

All I can say is - if she's made you into a yo-yo, why do you want her?

 

Chemistry is great, but why not try to find that kind of attraction with someone that you deserve, rather than someone that doesn't deserve you?