Jealous of my BF's nostalgia for his EX even though I know there is no problem.....

[Tangerina]

Grrrr.... I hate that I feel this way. I don't think it is completely unwaranted, but the only problem that my BF's nostalgia for his EX is causing is my jealousy, it doesn't affect the way he is in our relationship at all... basically he dated this girl about 2 years ago (when he was 17-18) for 7 months and it sounds like things were pretty awesome though in some ways it sounds as if the relationship was really heavy on the sexual side and that was what was so intoxicating about it, it was the first time he had a chance to explore kinks and fetishes.... but he really did love her but then this wierd thing happened where they agreed to find someone to join them for a 3-some and also started talking about having an open relationship and so my BF cuddled with another girl and told his GF and she was like "why are you telling me this?" and then she started ignoring him and finally broke it off with him and it turned out that she was banging some other guy... so all around a really wierd situation but I think it really hurt my BF to be left like that and even though they were talking about opening up the relationship he felt cheated on because she didn't tell him about the other guy... so he got over it and started to move on and all of that and started dating but he missed her a lot and about a year and a half ago they had a one night stand (which she cheated on her current boyfriend for, my BF was single at the time)... so fast forward, I met him this summer and now we have been together for 5 months and basically everything is about as awesome between us as could be, and for the most part we have a very trusting, easy going relationship but for some reason I am very jealous of this girl. For one thing, my BF admits to missing her and still having feelings for her, even though it is more nostalgia for when he was with her in his teens than for any idea of her in the present. Also, before my BF and I were serious he told me that the best sex he ever had was with her and I didn't think much of it, but now that we are serious and I am jealous of her for other reasons it makes me feel insecure (even though I know I am awesome in bed...) All of these feelings came up because yesterday I took my BF to my favorite coffee house in my new town (which is her hometown) for the first time and it turned out that he used to go there with her and he got all nostalgic about it and then got this idea to drive down to this lake he used to go to with her... it made me feel really uncomfortable but then I remembered the first time I went to Ballard (where my EX lives) with my BF and I was couldn't stop going "oh, and thats the coffee house I hung out at, and that is his dance studio, oh, and I love this restaurant, and this one time at this park...etc etc etc...." and all it was was nostalgia, it didn't mean I wanted those days back again, it just meant that I was enjoying fond memories, which I think is all that my BF was doing.... The thing is, I know my BF loves me so much, for who I am and I don't feel like he compares me to her, but I compare me to her... I only met her once but she was just so different from me that it made me feel so strange that he used to feel about her the way he now feels about me (kind of reminds me on another thread on here "Girls you f*ck and girls you marry... she is more of the former and I am more of the latter... I'm more the stable and intellectual and mutidimentional type) The real clincher is, he doesn't really keep in touch with her much and his nostalgia for her doesn't really have any effect on (or even hardly ever come up in) our relationship. The one time I met her was the only time he has seen her since we started dating, and basically he invted her to my housewarming party to catch up with her and so that I could meet her (I met his other EX and we got along well)... but she ended up doing a lot of things that really embarassed him since she was his guest (such as having public sex and cheating on her BF with another party guest) and ended up ignoring my BF so he isn't even really thinking of contacting her again, he is kind of mad about how she was rude to him.... so basically there is nothing there except for his nostalgia. He is obviously crazy for me as in he sees himself marrying me, and the conversation is great, the sex is mind blowing for both of us, we share tons of interests, are so attracted to each other, have similar life goals... etc ad nauseum..... How do I keep myself from being jealous of this person who obviously has a really special place in his heart but is ultimately a fond memory that went sour????

[Tangerina]

PS the other day I was telling my BF about ho a lot of my extended family and friends had told me in various ways "geez, your BF is so much better than that last one" (my EX, no one liked him) and my BF said back to me "so are you..." (as in better than his EX)