What to do?

[lost/found?]

I was hoping for some advice. About 6 weeks ago my live in girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me. She returned from a 2 week vacation in Ireland and dropped the bomb on me when she got home. I was so exited to see her after her trip. I know i was not perfect in our relationship but i was doing my best. I was smoking weed constantly throughout our entire relationship and for a few years before we met. We own a house together in a very small town surrounded by her huge extended family. 2 weeks before she went on her vacation she wrote me this long letter about how much she loves me and that she wants to be with me forever. I trusted this girl with all of my heart. But while on this trip she met a guy and made out with him in the pub after telling him she did not have a boyfriend. Then proceeded to go and meet this person again the next night and did it all over again. She told me about this as soon as she got home. I quit smoking dope then and there and have not touched it since because i realized it was ****ing with my life. A week later we had a very nice meal a bottle of wine and a long bubble bath together, after that she initiated sex with me which doesn't happen all that often and i must say it was the most intense it had been for years. @ days later i get home from work and she says that this is not working and that she is still thinking about this guy she met on her trip. She gave me the old " I love you but i am not in love with you" line and said she thought it would be best if i leave. I had nowhere to go but to leave the area. Now I have lost everything that is important to me my girl, my dog, my house, and my job. In the past few weeks i have tried to talk to her to show that i have changed and am serious about wanting to be with her but nothing seems to work it just pushes her further away. She tells me she needs time and not to wait for her and to do what i want to do. We talk and it's friendly and all but as soon as any thing about the relationship is brought up she gets all pissy and says some pretty hurtfull things. I guess what i need to know is what can i do to get her back? Why would someone write a letter like that 2 weeks before she left if she was so unhappy? And why would someone buy your mother an x-mas present with 4 days left in her vacation if she knew she was going to break up with you?

[CaliGuy]

There is no guarantee to get her back, but my best advice is this.

 

1. Clean yourself up. No pot, etc.

2. Put your life back together as best you can.

3. Initiate no contact. Let her be the one to contact you.

4. Go the gym, hang out with friends, get some hobbies, etc. Fulfill the time you would have had with her with hobbies, fun stuff and friends.

5. Resolve to better yourself mentally as well.

 

At least then if she decides to come back you'll be a changed person, much more attractive to her and then you are in the drivers seat.

[OOraver]

Sure nothing hurts more than to loose someone that you love. Me, I'm very scared. I'm currently in a relationship that has alot of bumps in the road and it's all because of another guy that my girlfriend had met when she went on a little 2 week trip to her home country.

 

They had met at the airport and I guess he took down some of her information and then went on a couple of dates together. I guess one thing had led to another in that 2 week period.

 

Durring the 2 weeks she was gone, I really missed her, e-mailed her everyday and made special plans to be with her on the day that she had gotten back from her trip. Even bought her presents to appriciate how much I loved her. Everything went great when she had gotten back, just what I had planned for.

 

Anyway a week later she decides to tell me that she had gone on a date with him. I asked her not to communicate with him anymore and that if she did, it would make me happy. A couple weeks goes by and I see that she had been lying to me. I could sense it, she wasn't her self anymore, a complete stranger to me. She decides to tell me that they had slept together and when I check her phone bills, it shows that she calls him more than me.

 

I asked for a second chance because I love her. After she had told me what had happened, she told me that she didn't want to be with me anymore because of the guilt she felt inside. I felt as if I couldn't live without her and wanted to let her know that I was willing to forgive because of the love I had for her.

 

Things didn't change, all of the sudden he was her friend and she thought I was being a jerk because I didn't accept the fact that they were just friends now. Love does hurt and I've never felt so neglected like this before. Even to this day she talks to him on the phone and it just kills me inside everytime I find out. I feel as if the person I had called my "best friend" isn't anymore and all I can do is just suffer with the pain of being hurt everytime they talk or when I find out they talk together on the phone.

 

Sometimes it's better to hurt the way you do and I know you don't want to hear it, but it does take time to heal a broken heart. My problem is that I would much rather take the stabs to the heart and try to make her understand that it was just a one night stand, but trust me, you don't want to feel the pain everyday when neither her or him see that I'm here in the picture as well.

 

The thing I don't get is that he lives about 1500 miles away also. I just don't get it. Love does hurt and sometimes there isn't an easy way or an explanation for some of the things that happen. Sometimes you just got to take it and feel the pain that it brings!

[lost/found?]

I kow what you mean, She has been talking to this guy on the phone now, i guess what really hurts is that she has thrown away a 5 year relationship for a stranger, maybe it is the fantasy or maybe she just was not happy with me anymore. Me and this girl lived all over canada in our 5 years together and have some wonderful memories. Ups and downs with the stress of new jobs and new places takes it's toll. I would do anything for this girl and i am trying really hard to hate her but i just want her to be happy. In our few conversations she has stated that she is not happy at this point in her life. And i try and tell her that maybe she doesn't realize what she's missing, she's missing me. When you live with someone for 5 years they have to impact your life in many ways and no matter what happens, at least i get the satisfaction that no matter who she ends up with she will undoubtedly think of me all the time, there are too many memories for that not to happen.

[omegaRED]

Stop. Right now. Both of you, dump your ... whatevers ... and move on. For god`s sake, not only did both of your GFs cheat on you, you want them back? Grow a backbone.

 

Yes, a similar thing happened to me. You think i`d take a cheating, lying b!tch back? That i`d WANT her back? So that she can stab me in the back again?

 

Fooled once...

[lost/found?]

yeah, your probaly right that's what my head is saying but my heart is saying diiferent, if i got her back i would probaly always be thinking about how she could do that to me, maybe what i am really missing is the rest of my life job, house, dog, friends etc... She feels really guilty about what she did that is why i believe that she broke up with me, she keeps giving me different reasons so i really don't know what to think anymore..