tamora222 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 My boyfriend loves me. We've been dating for 1 year and 8 months. He is the only person I have ever felt completely comfortable being myself around, and we have an incredible connection. I believe I love him. But for some reason I keep cheating on him - near the beginning of the relationship I had sex with two other guys, one was a one night stand, the other a continuing thing when my boyfriend and I had a long distance relationship. More recently it has just been random hookups at bars - whenever I get drunk, for some reason I feel the urge to just make out with whoever is interested. I've told him that I feel trapped in the relationship, as it is my first serious one (we are both college students, 19 and 20), but there is no way I could admit to what I've done. I don't feel guilty, but I feel like I should. How do I stop this behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Simple: Break up with him. Once that happens, you aren't cheating. You're too young to know what love is anyways. Go live life and stop playing around with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
wizzawhat Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Why are you doing this to him??? Just break-up...it really is that simple. Whats worse staying together and shattering him when he finds out he's been duped or breaking it off now, sure he'll be upset but better sooner than later. It seems like you care about him on some level...so do the right thing and let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 My guess is you are too immature to be forthright and honest with someone. In which case, you don't have an inkling what true love is yet. I think you like this guy, perhaps feel safe with him, but you niether respect nor love him. I agree, breaking up would be the kindest thing to do. That way you can get all your wild oats sown without feeling guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I'm gonna hazard a presumption... which may be completely off base. In my experience, if you're cheating on him, then somethings lacking from your relationship. You can feel the most comfortable in the world with someone, but if they aren't fulfilling your needs then people look for them from elsewhere. So either you don't feel the physical spark, or passion, that you want in your life. Or desired, or wanted. And you'll continue cheating on him as long as your relationship lasts. My suggesion. He'll find out sooner or later. No one's so good that they can hide that kind of behavior forever. Also, you are putting him at extreme risk from STD's. Even if you do use protection, it isn't 100%. If you care for him at all, please break up with him. You're behavior won't change because you don't feel any guilt over it. There's no point attempting to stop, when you obviously don't want to. The next available option then is to stop putting your bf in danger by your actions. Not only sexually, but also emotionally. You're being cruel, and uncaring towards him. I'm not saying you're a bad person, or evil. I just think you need to stop using your bf as a security blanket, or safety net. If you know you're going to behave this way, then at least have the maturity to accept responsibility and move on. Find the person you connect with on all levels. Or stop going to the bars and getting drunk. That'd probably stop it too. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 You're not respecting your boyfriend at all. But before you can be respectful of someone else, you have to respect yourself. Hooking up with guys in bars and making out with anyone who's interested indicates that you probably don't. It sounds like you're not ready to be in a relationship yet. Break it off with your bf and take some time off from dating, because you'll most likely end up cheating on the next guy too unless you've sorted out your own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 You are not evil, you're just young. Like a lot of young people, you enjoy the security of a relationship and want the excitement of these hookups, like kids want security from their parents but still want freedom to mess up, rebel, etc. However, many people (myself included) have default rules that prevent me from dating women who have cheated in the past unless it is in the distant past. I'd get started on operating above board so that in the future, no one is going to shy away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
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