Getting a female friend to like me (teenage)

[jamesbd]

I'm 16, shes 15. We're pretty much the same height and weight, i have black hair she has brown, both have brown eyes. We are both fit and reasonably attractive. She worries about her weight and may have mild bulemia.

 

Shes had quite a few boyfriends before, and isnt really shy.

I havent really had a girlfriend before, and I'm not shy.

 

We've talked to eachother over instant messages for about 9 months, she avoids talking to me at school and its always me talking, rarely does she talk about her life.

 

She knows I like her, we've discussed it and she said that I don't have a chance as anything more than a friend. I know this is because I've always been honest, not the least bit mysterious.

 

What can I do about my situation? I'm at a standstill.

 

I know that it used to be her always starting a conversation when she went out with a guy. I figure this is what I have to change, but how?

[jasmine111]

Not to give your hopes up, but it sounds like she doesn't want you to be anything but a friend. Doesn't seem like she's a good friend though. She avoids you at school? Is she embarassed to be seen with you? You've known eachother for 9 months and she still hasn't really opened up to you as a friend either. If I was you I'd give up on her. But there might be a small chance if you continue to be a good friend you'll grow on her.

[jamesbd]

So how do I grow on her? How do I get her to initiate the conversations and open up?

[lindya]

What can I do about my situation? I'm at a standstill.

 

I know that it used to be her always starting a conversation when she went out with a guy. I figure this is what I have to change, but how?

 

You've let her know you're interested in a relationship, and she's responded in very clear terms that it's not going to happen. Now you're asking how you can "grow on her." I think that the more you try, the greater the risk that she'll start to feel hassled and pestered by you.

 

As long as she doesn't see any relationship potential, there isn't any. I'm sorry - but there's just no magic formula for changing a person's mind on that, however much you like them or feel that the two of you are well suited.

 

I'd also caution you against speculating that she's mildly bulimic. Rumours and major bust ups often stem from exactly that sort of speculation.

[jamesbd]

she's told me a few times when she did throw up her food.

 

she also changes her mind often, and has trouble with decisions.

 

I know she doesnt want to be hassled, so talking to her a lot doesnt seem like a good idea.

The thing is, I know theres something I can do that will get her to start talking to me. One day I did something different, and it was like opposite day.

 

She kept talking about herself, sortof uncontrolably. I wish I had saved that conversation and the circumstances around it.

 

If I dont start off the conversation, she asks whats wrong.

 

Right now, we are struggling with even a platonic relationship. You can't say theres nothing I can do to recapture her interest, because I've done it before.

 

I just need some pointers, what a girl like this would like to hear. I'm thikning along the lines of asking her about how she is in depth.

[jamesbd]

OK, update.

 

I've been thinking about how to go about getting her to be more interested and I thought id seem a bit detatched, like still saying hello and all but not caring if the conversation stops. Sortof a noncaring attitude.

 

Right now, I try to get her to talk about herself and it's working pretty well.

conversation is much more even now, but right now all I have to talk about is her hobbies. but, if i ask a question or make a statement she usually doesnt respond to it but continue with what shes saying.

 

I'm thinking of getting her to notice our similarities. like common ground to talk about.

 

I'm avoiding arguements, or more really conflicting opinions. instead of trying to discuss something like why a band is bad and trying t ooppose what she says i agree and she seems to like it.

 

There is something I could be doing better, I know it, can anyone see it here?

 

If you need me to test something or whatever, I'll have a better description about it soon.

 

EDIT: oh and I think I do the right thing in terms of her eating habits, like when other people tlak about it I tell them they are wrong and tell her about what they said. I said to her if she can still compete in state taekwondo then her eating habits aren't bad, and she was thankful about it.

[jasmine111]

A lot of people are indecisive at that age, well at least I am. When you were sort of avoiding her did she talk to you more? Maybe you should play hard to get or something. Sometimes people don't realize they really like someone until they're not around. Don't completely ignore her though, just talk to her a lot less and stop trying to get her to talk about things.