Sailynn Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 In my mind, a revolting development has taken place in my second chance. This weekend, we had a truly romantic weekend, during which, she told me she was serious about me and wanted to date again. She also said, "She wants to be pursued." Personally, I find this rather selfish and one sided. However, this morning, she's suddenly busy this weekend with no mention of continuing our plans of getting together. Something else has happened. I have noticed a pattern develop. We will get together and have a wonderful time, with romance, serious talks, and lots of chemistry. There are talks of continuance, yet 24 to 48 hours later, she seems to pull back and engages in mysterious and incomplete messages. I'm tired of it and am going to put a stop to it. I deserve better because I'm a good man. Link to post Share on other sites
omegaRED Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 It takes strength to follow through with that thought. Anyways, if it`s too much hassle, put an end to it. Many more fish in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Good on ya, Sailynn. Attempts at pursuit and proving yourself worthy are just the beginning of an infinite spiral where the bar is eternally raised. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
fomerlyniceguy Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Who broke up with who? I could see such a request if you broke up with her, but if she broke up with you it's a pure ego thing and better off left unattended. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 In my mind, a revolting development has taken place in my second chance. This weekend, we had a truly romantic weekend, during which, she told me she was serious about me and wanted to date again. She also said, "She wants to be pursued." Personally, I find this rather selfish and one sided. Personally, I find this rather sweet. Why do you find it selfish and disgusting? There are talks of continuance, yet 24 to 48 hours later, she seems to pull back and engages in mysterious and incomplete messages. Pull the plug on this if you're not interested in her, by all means. But I'd be tempted to cut her and her nerves some slack. At least initially. My advice? Play it cool, back off a bit and alternate a little pursuit with having your own life. Don't emotionally invest in a long term relationship yet, but have fun and build experiences each time you meet. If she takes one step back, take two - let her come back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 She wants to be pursued how? Sounds like she read this in a book or got some stupid advice from a girlfriend. I think this is a case in which she says one thing but means something entirely different. Don't pursue her. In fact, don't even deal with her nonsense anymore. Just dump her, then maybe she'll pursue you. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Honestly, I've always supported your decision to be patient and giving her enough space, but I'm starting to believe she's an idiot. (Ok, I have a grumpy day today.... ) This woman seems like a pain in the ass. She's constantly needing something! I'm not involved with her, but even I feel tired of hearing her whining. Now she wants to be pursued?! I'm not sure if she understand how life is, it means taking some freaking self-responsibility even if she is a woman. Hell, she's not some little princess. If she was one of my girlfriend, I'd give her a kick and tell her to get some therapy. Why the hell is she expecting you to give her the world? Because you're the man here?? She should wake up soon, you want a relationship with her, not a therapist-patient thing. Back off. Let this spoiled brat come to her senses. Even she is smart to know that not everybody would put up with her crap and if she doesn't pull herself together she will end up alone. It's easy as it is. With her issues, she very likely is not going to find a nice and caring guy that soon and deep inside she knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 She wants to be pursued how? Sounds like she read this in a book or got some stupid advice from a girlfriend. I think this is a case in which she says one thing but means something entirely different. Don't pursue her. In fact, don't even deal with her nonsense anymore. Just dump her, then maybe she'll pursue you. Exactly! Enough of this nonsense! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I agree with RR. If she backs off then you back off even more. Make her come to you if she wants a relationship. If she doesn't then move on. She is playing a game and wants you to play with her. The choice is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 In my opinion, her hot and cold attitude is not good. She is clearly messing with ya. Trying to demand your full attention. I would be turned off, also. BUT, if a woman has a healthy self-esteem and sets boundaries during the initial stages of dating...this is not a game. I repeat...not a game. Well, I am not sure what to call it...maybe it could be called the 'liking ourselves' game. This game is not accepting just any treatment from a man. The game is being true to ourselves in a respectful & polite way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 She sent me an email cancelling our Saturday together, suddenly remembering she had a commitment to volunteer for the community. Her email was rather short and incomplete, so, I called her and told her I didn't understand her communique. She was rather bitchy and said she was being pulled from different directions and she was feeling a lot of pressure. I told her I could relieve her pressure immediately, if it's coming from me. Then, she wanted to get together tommorrow night and Sunday. I am not to keen on the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
omegaRED Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Those games *MIGHT* be fun at the beginning, but if they annoy you, scrap her. Besides, it`s not like you`re starting from scratch. I can see that you both don`t want to fall into the same pattern right away, but FFS... I enjoyed the games at the start of my relationship. I guess unconsciously i also played games, but they ended very soon. My best friend is in the same boat as you (except it`s not a second chance). And he`s grown tired of those games. I support him 100%. If you`re uncomfortable and annoyed, have an honest, long talk. See if you`re both on the same page here. If she continues with this behaviour, talk, dump, move on. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Listen, I'll be blunt. I wouldn't take this crap anymore. You're in love, infatuated, seeing castles in the sky, a rosy future with her, whatever, I'm not and I can tell you, she's starting to act like bitch, simply as it is. I wouldn't call myself someone who gives up too easily or who is not willing to stick through the rough times, but just reading your posts makes me angry with her. She wants this, she wants that. She constantly wants something. I wouldn't become cross with her or start fights, you don't want to ruin future chances with her, but just back off and let her feel how it is not to have a 24/7 personal service for her whimsical needs. Don't call her, she's come back and wonder why you're not kissing her feet when she needs it. If she asks why you didn't contact her, tell her you wanted to give her space and that you didn't want to make the mistake of pushing her too much. Don't make the mistake of lecturing her or anything. She's either smart enough to get the hint and take the adult road in order to get her sh*t together and treat you right or she will continue behaving like a baby. In the latter case you'd be wasting your time with explaining her things, she wouldn't understand them anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 Just a bit of comic releif. Actually, my instinct tells me to back off. I have a feeling she'll follow me at some point and I'll have to explain. On a positive note, if we aren't a couple during this holiday season, I'll save money by eliminating her from my Christmas present list. HA!!! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 at some point and I'll have to explain. No, you don't have to explain anything, regardless if she asks or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sailynn Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 Who broke up with who? I could see such a request if you broke up with her, but if she broke up with you it's a pure ego thing and better off left unattended. She broke up with me. We were apart for 1.6 years and have been seeing each other for the past 4.5 months. So, you're saying it's her ego? You may be right, because she has been teasing me for her own ego boost. I've confronted her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
fomerlyniceguy Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 She broke up with me. We were apart for 1.6 years and have been seeing each other for the past 4.5 months. So, you're saying it's her ego? You may be right, because she has been teasing me for her own ego boost. I've confronted her about it. She broke up with you, now she wants you to make a fool out of yourself to woo her back. WTF? Yeah don't play that game. I could see (to a point) making some admends and having some humility if it was the other way around, but to say hey I dumped you now beg to get me back. Could you look yourself in the mirror after that? Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 In my mind, a revolting development has taken place in my second chance. This weekend, we had a truly romantic weekend, during which, she told me she was serious about me and wanted to date again. She also said, "She wants to be pursued." Personally, I find this rather selfish and one sided. However, this morning, she's suddenly busy this weekend with no mention of continuing our plans of getting together. Something else has happened. I have noticed a pattern develop. We will get together and have a wonderful time, with romance, serious talks, and lots of chemistry. There are talks of continuance, yet 24 to 48 hours later, she seems to pull back and engages in mysterious and incomplete messages. I'm tired of it and am going to put a stop to it. I deserve better because I'm a good man. She is playing games with you. If she really wants you, she will stop playing these silly games. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts