ghosted after 5 dates? normal?

[JackFlash]

43 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

Why not tell her that you have feelings for her? Tell her that she's special to you. 

just told her, we'll see.

very confusing given everything 

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, JackFlash said:

just told her, we'll see.

very confusing given everything 

Things are pretty much over at this point with this gal. Don't wait around too long for her to give you a response.

How old are you two?

[JackFlash]

7 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Things are pretty much over at this point with this gal. Don't wait around too long for her to give you a response.

How old are you two?

why would things be over? I think she's just a hopeless romantic type tbh 

[Sony12]

3 minutes ago, JackFlash said:

why would things be over? I think she's just a hopeless romantic type tbh 

Because she has basically told you that she isn't that interested in continuing to see you. Ladies don't tell guys that they shouldn't see them again if they really do want to see them again.

 

[Wiseman2]

Agree. It doesn't seem like things are over, just that she's pacing herself.

Please don't buy into myths that unless women are throwing themselves at you that there is no interest.

Dating is complex and setting the pace and preferences is part of the getting to know you period. 

Edited March 10 by Wiseman2

[Lotsgoingon]

 

Texting has NOTHING to do with how close you are. You have to spend time in person. In the absence of in-person time, it's a distraction and a horribly confusing one--you think you are connecting to the person when you are not. 

On the other hand, you had five dates with her over two months. THAT was the revealing information. 

Now on ghosting, really you didn't have anything close with this person. You were under an illusion (from texting so much) that you guys had some kind of relationship. You didn't, and the fact that she ghosted you shows you had no real connection.  And it shows that she isn't mature. Or her life is a mess and so on. Bet you didn't cover those topics in all those texts.

Let's say you didn't ghost you. This woman would have only made up some fake story---she would not have come clean as to what was really going on. And btw: her ghosting has NOTHING to do with you personally. Texting feels personal, but it's not. 

How about go out with someone next time--cut the texting. 

 

 

 

 

[Rider on the Storm]

1 hour ago, JackFlash said:

why would things be over? I think she's just a hopeless romantic type tbh 

Doubtful. She told you that you were clingy, acted cold towards you, canceled one or more dates, and said that she has a difficult time opening up with you. That doesn't sound like a hopeless romantic to me. It sounds more like someone who has their concerns about you, or someone who is stringing you along because they are bored, OR perhaps someone who wants you as a back up in case the other relationship that she is pursuing doesn't work out. Personally, I would tread carefully here.

Edited March 11 by Rider on the Storm

[SurfCity]

2 hours ago, JackFlash said:

just told her, we'll see.

very confusing given everything 

Conversations like this should happen in person not over text. You rely too much on texting, romantic relationships happen in person.

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, JackFlash said:

just told her, we'll see.

very confusing given everything 

Maybe you need to be more convincing. Texting someone “Of course I have feelings for you!” is good, but might not be enough. Don’t expect her to be all over you just because you texted her that. She might have gotten some vibes from you that made her doubt your sincerity. Things like that can be solved only when meeting in person.

Set up a date and take it from there. A romantic date, not a “do you want to come over for sex” kind of thing.

 

[JackFlash]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Maybe you need to be more convincing. Texting someone “Of course I have feelings for you!” is good, but might not be enough. Don’t expect her to be all over you just because you texted her that. She might have gotten some vibes from you that made her doubt your sincerity. Things like that can be solved only when meeting in person.

Set up a date and take it from there. A romantic date, not a “do you want to come over for sex” kind of thing.

 

I've tried to set a date but she agrees then cancels.. now after I didn't ask her out for a week she thinks I don't care about her.

[ZA Dater]

In my view texting is the fundamental problem here. It paints a picture which may not be true, texting is a very one dimensional way of communicating and for many its something they try it into their day without a putting a lot of thought into what they are saying.

Sounds to me you are dealing with a very 'me myself and I" personality in the sense she clearly cant walk a mile in your shoes, unless there is something truly exceptional about her I would look to move on fairly quickly.

 

[JackFlash]

UPDATE

 

talked with her and she wants to see me again but just as friends, but had all these ideas of things we could do and Was acting all flirty on the phone which we talked on forever.

my guess is she just is saying that so she feels more comfortable about situation, but we talked a lot of it out and basically she thought things were going too fast. 

 

not sure what  to do from here? 

Edited March 12 by JackFlash

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, JackFlash said:

UPDATE

 

talked with her and she wants to see me again but just as friends, but had all these ideas of things we could do and Was acting all flirty on the phone which we talked on forever.

my guess is she just is saying that so she feels more comfortable about situation, but we talked a lot of it out and basically she thought things were going too fast. 

 

not sure what  to do from here? 

She gave you the friends line. Women say that when they don't have much interest in being romantic with the guy anylonger.

You can be her friend but be prepared for her dating someone else while she is being friends with you.

Edited March 12 by Sony12

[JackFlash]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

She gave you the friends line. Women say that when they don't have much interest in being romantic with the guy anylonger.

You can be her friend but be prepared for her dating someone else while she is being friends with you.

we'll see.. I think she's just worried about getting too deep w someone again (she mentioned enmeshment) but I'll just play it by ear next time we see each other.

she also was saying she wasn't sure if I really understood what being in love is (and said on text she didn't think I cared about her) 

I think I'lll probably just treat it like a first date 

Edited March 12 by JackFlash

[Sony12]

Just now, JackFlash said:

we'll see.. I think she's just worried about getting too deep w someone again (she mentioned enmeshment) but I'll just play it by ear next time we see each other.

I think I'lll probably just treat it like a first date 

It's not a date if she told you let's just be friends. You continuing to treat it as a dating scenario will be nothing but a turnoff for her. 

[JackFlash]

22 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

It's not a date if she told you let's just be friends. You continuing to treat it as a dating scenario will be nothing but a turnoff for her. 

no she said she wanted to START back as friends, because she said her best relationship started that way. and she mentioned 2-3 different activities we should do and was complimenting my voice, smile, how much she missed me etc..and was saying she didn't think I cared enough about her, and I didn't know what "real love" is. 

 

from what I gather, she's just saying this as an "excuse' in her mind so that we can meet up. Obviously if I'm wrong then I just won't see her again after this. no big deal. 

Edited March 12 by JackFlash

[Sony12]

9 minutes ago, JackFlash said:

no she said she wanted to START back as friends, because she said her best relationship started that way. and she mentioned 2-3 different activities we should do and was complimenting my voice, smile, how much she missed me etc..and was saying she didn't think I cared enough about her, and I didn't know what "real love" is. 

 

from what I gather, she's just saying this as an "excuse' in her mind so that we can meet up. Obviously if I'm wrong then I just won't see her again after this. no big deal. 

Regardless friends means just that. Friends. You treating it like a first date would be one of the worst things you could do at this point. If you don't think you can be just friends with her it's better you not hang out with her again at all. As it could be quite awhile before she chooses to be more than friends with you again........if she ever does at all.

Also if she gave you the friends line it's highly possible there is someone else she is interested in.

Edited March 12 by Sony12

[JackFlash]

2 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Regardless friends means just that. Friends. You treating it like a first date would be one of the worst things you could do at this point. If you don't think you can be just friends with her it's better you not hang out with her again at all. As it could be quite awhile before she chooses to be more than friends with you again........if she ever does at all.

nope you're wrong. you weren't on the call and have no context. 

imagine telling someone to quit instead of at least see where things go. lmao. 

Edited March 12 by JackFlash

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, JackFlash said:

nope you're wrong. you weren't on the call and have no context. 

imagine telling someone to quit instead of at least see where things go. lmao. 

I wasn't on the call but you are also showing clear signs of only seeing what you want to see.

[JackFlash]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

I wasn't on the call but you are also showing clear signs of only seeing what you want to see.

I've had someone I dated before tell me they just wanted to be friends, and then by the end of the date we are making out (this was on a first date, not after seeing her for a while though). Woman do this sometimes to feel less pressure when going out to meet someone and giving themselves an excuse. 

 

You are taking things too literally. Respectfully, I heard your opinion but you're flat out wrong. Telling someone to not even try is the worst advice I've ever heard. 

Edited March 12 by JackFlash

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, JackFlash said:

I've had someone I dated before tell me they just wanted to be friends, and then by the end of the date we are making out (this was on a first date, not after seeing her for a while though).

 

You are taking things too literally. Respectfully, I heard your opinion but you're wrong. 

Believe what you want. You have tried and she told you she wants you two to just be friends now.

Edited March 12 by Sony12

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, JackFlash said:

UPDATE

 

talked with her and she wants to see me again but just as friends, but had all these ideas of things we could do and Was acting all flirty on the phone which we talked on forever.

my guess is she just is saying that so she feels more comfortable about situation, but we talked a lot of it out and basically she thought things were going too fast. 

 

not sure what  to do from here? 

I’ve been in that kind of situation. 

I was coming on too strong, getting physical too soon, and women (especially younger ones) weren’t feeling safe or comfortable. They would sometimes tell me they want to be friends, but from context (tone, hints, general vibe) it was clear to me that was just a temporary protective measure.

What you should do is quickly accept her terms, remove pressure from her, and try to be in the same vibe as her. If she is being flirty, there are good chances that your case is in the same category as mine. Be flirty too, but not dirty flirty, if you know what I mean. Give her compliments, be gallant. Humor is always good. Don’t push her into anything, just keep meeting her, but make her feel safe, and gradually develop chemistry.

If she has feelings for you, sooner or later she’ll act on them, just play your cards right. If not, it’s hard to understand why she’s being flirty. Tone and vibe are everything; precise words mean less. 

[JackFlash]

3 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I’ve been in that kind of situation. 

I was coming on too strong, getting physical too soon, and women (especially younger ones) weren’t feeling safe or comfortable. They would sometimes tell me they want to be friends, but from context (tone, hints, general vibe) it was clear to me that was just a temporary protective measure.

What you should do is quickly accept her terms, remove pressure from her, and try to be in the same vibe as her. If she is being flirty, there are good chances that your case is in the same category as mine. Be flirty too, but not dirty flirty, if you know what I mean. Give her compliments, be gallant. Humor is always good. Don’t push her into anything, just keep meeting her, but make her feel safe, and gradually develop chemistry.

If she has feelings for you, sooner or later she’ll act on them, just play your cards right. If not, it’s hard to understand why she’s being flirty. Tone and vibe are everything; precise words mean less. 

exactly! thank you for understanding and relating.

I came on too strong, and she thought it was too much too quick and said she felt uncomfortable... yes from context and tone it seems like a temporary protective measure. 

we already have amazing chemistry, that's why it was so surprising to me how quickly things changed. I will take your advice and just mirror her and go at her pace. Thank you! 

[ShyViolet]

13 hours ago, JackFlash said:

You are taking things too literally. Respectfully, I heard your opinion but you're flat out wrong. Telling someone to not even try is the worst advice I've ever heard. 

Why are you even here if you're not interested in advice and only want to hear what you want to hear?

[smackie9]

Some women want to be chased, some like a challenge....she wants a challenge. She wants you to be different...cool/aloof/hard to read. If you want play the roll.