Parents dislike my wife

[Cuddles]

Dear all,

 

Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

The problem is my parents and sister. They dislike my wife. This started in August this year.

 

My sister has caused huge problems by coming round the house mouthing off with insults to my wife, and this was in front of my wifes son. The Police was called to move her. She told my wife she was hated by them, we would never last, that my ex wife is ten times better than she is, and that they can't stand her 7 year old son.

 

My parents justified her behaviour, saying my wife deserved it. They think that she is stopping me from seeing them (I'm 38) and that I should have stuck with my ex wife, the mother of my children. I was so angry. My Mother said, she didn't want nothing more to do with me because I stuck up for my wife. I responded by e-mail, 'Take both of us or nothing at all. You don't have to like my wife, but I expect you to respect her.'

 

Next was abusive e-mails. They have informed me after six years not speaking to my ex, they are now having a relationship with her. They said she had done nothing wrong and should have stuck the marriage out because divorce is unheard of in our family. My ex divorced me for another man, and countless nights I sobbed to my parents. My ex wouldn't even let me or my family see my kids for four months. We only talk kids via phone now. Contact is still erractic. I was on Anti-Depressants because I broke down. My parents answer was I should put my differences behind me? I did and I've moved on with my new wife. They continued to mock me saying there is nothing I can do?, because my kids don't live with me. They said they will alleviate poison my wife has fed the children. My parents used my children has weapons through anger. They claim I didn't send the e-mails and it is my wife what's doing it.

 

At this time, I'm still not speaking with my family. They have tried to contact me on my mobile and I have not answered. Messages were left how much they love me and want me only in their life, with my ex and my children. I've not responded to any of it. When I did initially, it was more hurls of abuse.

 

My Mother has Cancer now. I still don't wish to see her. I feel damage has been done and there is no return. All of my family say I'm a let down by not supporting my family and sticking up for 'The Bitch' (My wife) They believe I should let everything go and do as they tell me. Because my Mother has Cancer, I should forget about my wife.

 

I'm not willing to alienate my wife or tolerate the hurls of abuse, even through this. Is it wrong of me to do this? Or would you stick to your guns after all the above has happened?

 

Your opinions is greatly appreciated.

[New_Wife]

You are 38. It sounds like you have made your choice, and as a grown man, you have that right. In fact, it could be said that you have that obligation.

 

The problem is, you now have two sides that are absolutely convinced of the "rightness" of their position, and have dug their heels in.

 

My suggestion is to write them a letter, in your own hand, explaining that their actions are hurting you, could hurt your children, and causing a rift. Family or Clergy Counseling could be offered in this letter, because a lot of times people have a hard time showing their nasty side when they have to actually face it in front of a neutral human being. And if they do show it, most counselors will help them see where they are being bullheaded and cruel.

 

If you write this letter, you might want to work extra hard to focus on the result you want, as opposed to all of the things that led you to need that result. That is: "I want us to go to counseling so that we can see eye-to-eye, and I don't feel like we've been able to do that using the methods we've already exhausted." instead of "You have done this and this and this, and you suck for it, and you are bad bad people, and you still suck, and so you have to go to counseling with me to hear how bad you are.

 

My $.02

[Cuddles]

Thanks for your imput.

 

Tried writing by asking if their is a solution to this disagreement. Told them it's not fair to use my kids in our adult disagreements and to keep them out of it.

 

The response was, 'To get rid of my wife,' and 'They're not using my kids and they have every right to know that my wife is poison and will show them every communication sent as it's not from me.' They added, 'That they no longer wish to see my wifes son as she stands behind him telling him what to do and say, like she does with me.' My Stepson is 7. He wants to see them as he grew close to them. I'm lost for words, as for what to say to him.

 

My wife is at a loss. She has entertained them and done things for them. She really hasn't a clue what is happening with them. Hand on heart. My theory is by their communication, is she is in the way of what they want to happen. Me, my kids, them and my ex. No chance. I can't mourn for my Mother for the abuse and cruel comments aimed at us.