i need advice on the separation from my husband this week

[gmp]

I am 28 and my husband is 30, we have no children and we have just sold our house. We have to leave it in 5 weeks time. I have been very unhappy for many years and have had counselling for the last 6 months to deal with it and work our what is the best thing for me.

 

I have decided that it would be best to separate as I have never been fully satisfied in my relationship with my husband in many ways – sexually and emotionally being the main ones. However, he is a very good person and loves me dearly and this will be devastating to him. That is one of the main reasons I have procrastinated for so long, I don’t want to face his hurt and anger and resentment, but I know it will be worse the longer it goes on.

 

I also love him very much as my best friend, but it just doesn’t work. I have come to terms with how much I will miss him in my life, but that I need to find someone I connect fully with, and he needs someone who is truly reciprocal.

 

I am going to tell him I want to separate for a trial period from this week, as I believe I need to do that before cutting totally, to get a perspective from outside us living together. It will provide certainty either way, although I am sure I won’t need it. I want to tell him now as we pack our things to leave so that we can begin to pack separately, as much as this will hurt him. I would like to move out during that time, to my Dad’s and he could stay in our house or go to his Mum’s which is close by. Either way, he has those options.

 

I think it is right to tell him now to pack separately rather than at the end of packing when it might need to be redone again. That will make packing very hard, but it will have to be done anyway. Do you agree?

 

And, it will make it hard in that we will have to see each other, but once it’s done I can have a clean separation period and the transition from then will be easier.

 

It’s easy to write this now and helps me articulate it, but come tomorrow morning when I tell him and it is final, I know I will fall apart and he will more so. It will be terrible, I know as I have tried this before and always give in as I get so upset. But this is the first time I have done it as an informed thing, from having had counselling, and I feel strong now. But I need to know if there is anything in particular I should or shouldn’t do? Or, do you recommend to do the break up in the next few ways any differently? I want to make it as easy and clean for him as possible, and treat him with the respect and kindness he deserves as I love him and I know it will turn him against me now for a long time, and I will miss him like crazy, but I have to now.

 

Thank you.

[Grayce1973]

well, do you REALLY love him? or just care deeply as a friend? my first marriage was a best friend thing and it didnt work out for those reasons.....BUT, if he is everything a man can be and more than your best friend and you feel as though you're just not "cpnnecting"...maybe you could do couple's counseling? the grass is always greener you know...and nobody's getting any younger...the main things in a relationship are trust, understanding, committment and, of course, non-abusive behavior...if you have all these things, why want for more? life is not like the movies and you need to remember it is always better for you if someone loves you more than you love them...it is hard, but it can be worth it with a man who loves you completely. i'm not trying to tell you what to do here---just sharing what i've learned.

I am 28 and my husband is 30, we have no children and we have just sold our house. We have to leave it in 5 weeks time. I have been very unhappy for many years and have had counselling for the last 6 months to deal with it and work our what is the best thing for me. I have decided that it would be best to separate as I have never been fully satisfied in my relationship with my husband in many ways -- sexually and emotionally being the main ones. However, he is a very good person and loves me dearly and this will be devastating to him. That is one of the main reasons I have procrastinated for so long, I don't want to face his hurt and anger and resentment, but I know it will be worse the longer it goes on. I also love him very much as my best friend, but it just doesn't work. I have come to terms with how much I will miss him in my life, but that I need to find someone I connect fully with, and he needs someone who is truly reciprocal.

 

I am going to tell him I want to separate for a trial period from this week, as I believe I need to do that before cutting totally, to get a perspective from outside us living together. It will provide certainty either way, although I am sure I won't need it. I want to tell him now as we pack our things to leave so that we can begin to pack separately, as much as this will hurt him. I would like to move out during that time, to my Dad's and he could stay in our house or go to his Mum's which is close by. Either way, he has those options. I think it is right to tell him now to pack separately rather than at the end of packing when it might need to be redone again. That will make packing very hard, but it will have to be done anyway. Do you agree? And, it will make it hard in that we will have to see each other, but once it's done I can have a clean separation period and the transition from then will be easier. It's easy to write this now and helps me articulate it, but come tomorrow morning when I tell him and it is final, I know I will fall apart and he will more so. It will be terrible, I know as I have tried this before and always give in as I get so upset. But this is the first time I have done it as an informed thing, from having had counselling, and I feel strong now. But I need to know if there is anything in particular I should or shouldn't do? Or, do you recommend to do the break up in the next few ways any differently? I want to make it as easy and clean for him as possible, and treat him with the respect and kindness he deserves as I love him and I know it will turn him against me now for a long time, and I will miss him like crazy, but I have to now. Thank you.