2 steps forward----10 steps Back

[Tricia]

I was doing soooooooo good,until I talked to H.He told me what he has been telling me,he says that I haven't been listening "You never listen to me"It's b/c I don't like what he is saying,it hurts to much,I can't deal with it.He told me he knows he will prolly regret his decision to leave me.Doesn't change anything thou.In his words AGAIN,"he is done with me an does not want to be with me."He also said "he don't know how he will feel 2 weeks,a month or a year from now"He also said "Our Foundation is shot",but he loves me-I thought that was the foundation.

I am again, I feel like I'm at square 1.Wanting to forget or put it out of my mind what he has said,chalk it up to he is messed up in the head an STILL try to get him back.I know this will only hurt me in the end.I have tried to keep faith,hope an pray our love would bring him back,as corny as it may sound.I really can't imagine my life without him.I feel like my right arm is gone,my best friend,my everything.He thinks it's co-dependency,that I am just use to him.It's not!!

I Love him with my heart an soul,thats not easy for me-I don't give love easily.

I am soooooooooo Soooooo sad!!!

Like I said,I feel like it's the first time I have heard he is leaving me.

Blond

 

PS-As far as me filing for Divorce,he said "Do what U have to do"

[dontwanttoloosehim]

Tricia I am at work and i cried uncontrolably when i read ur post I had to go for a walk to cool down. I AM GOING THROUGH THE EXACTTTTTTTTTT SAME THING.

Could anyone help us analyze what these men think????

[fomerlyniceguy]

It sounds like you are listening, but just because you are listening doesn't mean you have to like what he says. My only advise is to make yourself a person that he will regret leaving. Take your power back and do what you need to do. Once that is complete he may very well regret having left to you. But the best part is you will no longer be who you are now. You will be thinking clearer, be stronger, and then at that point you make the decision as to whether that person is worthy of you. I know sometimes reading these threads it seems cliche, work on yourself, do your own thing, change yourself, etc. The reason they they are cliche is because they work. Eventually. I still have doubting moments, but then I tell myself I am doing the right thing and try to put it out of my mind. don't let the trees get in the way of seeing the forest.

 

fng

[scobro]

really can't imagine my life without him.I feel like my right arm is gone,my best friend,my everything.

 

I felt the same way 4 months ago when my wife ended our marriage, we were even trying to start a family at the time.I know how you feel it hurts bad but if you dwell on it all day and night long it will really start to take you over.The best advice is don't become in your mind the woman your husband left become your own person now.Try not to associate your whole concept of self as this peticular situation.Hang in there it does eventually get better but its up to yuou to make it better because you can for sure make it worse by thinking constantly about it.

 

Like I said,I feel like it's the first time I have heard he is leaving me

 

you should try no contact as much as possible or you will keep going back steps not forward.I had to hear my wife say she is "just getting to know someone and see where it goes" also she says to me "you are such a great person just not the right person for me" now stuff like this I never needed to hear and if I had done strict NC like I do now I would never have been crushed again and again by her and i sence this is happening to you.

A year from now you can either have a better outlook on life or just get destroyed mentally and emotionally by this guy,in the end he will move on and be fine and so should you, don't let this destroy you its not worth it.

[slubberdegullion]

Hi Tricia;

 

The pain that you're feeling comes through loud and clear in your post. My sincere sympathies.

 

Although you may find this hard to believe, I have no doubt that he's hurting too. He may not express it by saying "I am hurting" or something as direct as that, but phrases like "You never listen to me" and the like seem to point in that direction. I know this probably doesn't really help you in your situation, though.

I really can't imagine my life without him.

Tricia, you can't imagine your life without him right now because you are still too close, emotionally and chronologically, to the separation, and the wound is still too fresh.

 

There will come a day, sooner or later, that your plans for the future will start to take shape in your imagination and in your dreams, and those plans do not have to include him. You don't need him to complete you, despite what you may feel. You are a complete person, integrated, with an avalanche of emotions right now that is clouding your perceptions. That's normal; even healthy.

 

Some days will be good days, and some days will be not so good. So do what you can to focus your energy on the good days, and allow yourself the time to grieve on your not-so-good days.

 

You will be fine. You have already proven to yourself and the world that you have an inner strength which many (myself included) do not possess.