phrekmon Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Help ! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t75470/ the one above is how she left me http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t76329/ and this is the OM moving in for the kill I am throughly confused, my wife calls me to tell me how much money its gonna cost me to get my Mom's and Sister's rings out of pawn shop,(she tells me 160. then changes to 130.)then she asks to borrow 20.00 for gas I told her NO that I wasn't paying for her boyfriend to drive all over the island (it's small) in my car. Anyways she procedes to dog me out about cancelling their health insurance and my step daughter's cell phone, I tell her that I really can' t help her financialy with the unemployed,low life OM in the picture, she's now bawling that she didnt want any of this, misses me, we had a lifeplan etc.. ? here's where I'm confused. What is going on ? Really, is she mentaly ill ? she asks if we can talk or meet me somewhere. I told her I've been walking at the park everynight she could call me on the cell or come by if she wanted. O.K. 2 hours letter she calls says she has to work late and wont make it (it's not like I made a date or something) then asks if I'm O.K. ? And I have told her that there is NO WAY I'm going back to her or her coming to me. She did have the landline phone and cable turned off last night but the cable people where super cool and turned it back on for the night (even though she was the only one authorized to do it) then hooked me up today with brand new stuff in my name for no money upfront and her bill to today is hers. The people I rent from have another place close by for half the price, which is much cheaper than I have been looking at, so life does get a little better with time, things are looking up for ME !! I can do this ! I just dont know about my wife, I mean I feel so sorry for her, and whats she's doing with her and my stepdaughters life, her reputation as a person in the community and myself feeling embarrassed and shamed (I mean people have called me at work to find out whats going on, it's all very very sad. I saw the OM and my stepdaughter going to I guess pick her up from work today (damn small island)and my stepdaughter seemed to be in a daze. should I be feeling as worried as I am about their well being ? I never seen or heard from her tonight when I was walking (I was hoping she'd show) Am I sick or what ? I have 1 more meeting with the councellor this week and next week it's the shrink. What can I expect ? I started reading the bible, it's like I'm searching for something but I dont know what ? Oh thats enough, sorry for the long post, thanks again for listening and responding, Dennis Link to post Share on other sites
bigbrowneyes Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Hey Phrekmon, I've been following your threads and I have to say that you are in a very emotionally stressful situation. I'm glad that you continue to go to counseling. My X has put me through turmoil for the past 18 months so I feel your pain. When I stopped seeing him the first time (new years, 2004) after finding that he had cheated on me with several woman, I was devastated. My coworker invited me to attend her non-denominational church. Somehow, I did find some comfort in the message I received that day. I continue to attend service and it has changed my life. If you are searching for inspiration you may want to try Joel Osteen's book "The Best Life Now". He also has a daily reading version if you perfer reading a few pages a day. I think you'll find this book very encouraging about the life you have to look forward to. It's inspiring and an easy read...not over powered by scripture but references certain passages. In my situation, my fiance and I got back together in August 2004. We went to counseling and tried to work things out. At first he couldn't do enough but before long, he began to hide things from me and be mysterious again. Not to mention that when I confronted him on the date we were planning to marry (just to see where his thinking was) he said we couldn't even think about that until I learned to trust him completely. I decided that I would give him until October 30th to show me who he was as a person (I set this date but never shared with him that I was doing it). I wrote in journal each day and defined deceptive things he did and endearing things he did. What I discovered is he had a pattern of behavior....doing something sneaky and than "courting" me with cards, flowers, extra attention and affection...than sneaky. Boy, I wish I would have done that 6 years ago! I would have stopped seeing long before my heart was broken...twice! I made a decision this October to break all ties after he went to a conference in NY and spent the weekend in a hotel room with his female employee (and never shared any of this information with me prior to leaving..no way to reach him etc.). So here I am going through all the pain and hurt again. My point here is, situations similar to ours never change without alot of hard work as a couple. I mean basically, you'd have to live with Dr.Phil to get yourselves out the mess you have now. Don't feel sorry for your wife. Life is about choices and as mature adults, we have to live with the consequences. Let her learn lifes lessons on her own. I think my mom called it tough love. This is about YOU now. Get yourself healthy so that you can live the best life you can. Enjoy the paradise you live in. When you wake up in the morning say "This is going to be a great day!" Don't spend energy feeling sorry for your wife. She made a decision that impacted the rest of her life and now she needs to sort it out without your help. You've been suffering and this has not been her concern...until now that her life stops being what she wants it to be. It appears from your post that she hasn't been honest with you in a number of ways....look at the financial surprises you just found out about! She needs help and if you feel sorry for her the best thing you can do is direct her to a good counselor. As far as the step daughter goes, I think it's important to let her know how much you love her and that this situation has not changed the fact that you will always be there for her. In my opinion, it's unfair that this poor girl is dragged into mess. Leave the door open for her to come to you when she needs you. Well, take care and God bless. You can get through this...but don't weaken your resolve by meeting with her. She'll suck you back in because she knows how to touch your heart. Stand strong and live well....we all know the best revenge in life is living well. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Help ! I started reading the bible, it's like I'm searching for something but I dont know what ? brother.....read Romans 7 and 8 then read 1 Corinthians 12 and 13 Link to post Share on other sites
reddog63 Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Sorry to hear about situation. My only comment that came to mind is that you have a discussion if at all possible with step daughter. Letting her know that you still care for her, etc and that since you are not her real father, that legally her mom can prevent you from seeing her. But, give her your number and an open invite anytime she wants to talk or needs something, that you would be there for her because none of this is her fault. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
ThumbingMyWay Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Sorry to hear about situation. My only comment that came to mind is that you have a discussion if at all possible with step daughter. Letting her know that you still care for her, etc and that since you are not her real father, that legally her mom can prevent you from seeing her. But, give her your number and an open invite anytime she wants to talk or needs something, that you would be there for her because none of this is her fault. Just a thought. thats great advice.....plant a little hope in a young mind....it can go a long way Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Dennis, She's scared...... she's broke..........she probably didn't plan into all of this when she started this whole mess. You do still love her. I know you do. Would you consider working it out if she would go to marriage counseling and stop all contact with the OM?? She's waffling a bit because she's scared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phrekmon Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Mz. Pixie, First I don't know if I could ever trust or believe what she says. NC with the OM is a gimmee as is going to MC, AND a shrink for her because I think she has some real problems to deal with. (Did I do this to her?) I am not ready to live with her right away though. she could stay with her parents but then again her relationship with them is strained too. Although it would make it easier to begin to trust her again, but then again she did just lie to me yesterday so I dont know ? I do Love her and I do want to get back together but I also see what we have done to our lives and each other the past 12 years, what she has done to us and our marriage has awoken something inside me that I have to take care of (Getting my life back on track !) I have repeated to her almost every phone conversation we have had the last 20 days that I don't want this and would be here for HER whenever she needed/wanted to talk, but again NC with OM. but I guess she's not ready ? I Know i'm going to be back up running (Emotionally, spiritualy, physicly and financially) it is my goal to get it together, looking back at my life right now, it is so very sad to see what I have/had become. Have you ever heard the saying "If you do something for 21 day's it becomes a habit" ? I'm at 20 days since she left and I'm starting to feel "REAL" if that makes any sense. Oh ya, my day was uneventful she did call me this morning to tell me not to go to her work (about getting my rings out of pawn shop) because she was sick. Went to see the councellor during lunch, got me all emotional but did point out some interesting things too. Anyways thanks to all here ! for the advice and support, Dennis Link to post Share on other sites
Author phrekmon Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 ThumbingMyWay, Thanks for the verse's, I had forgot how many answers to life were in the bible Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Thanks for the update Dennis, glad you are feeling better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author phrekmon Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 Well it was another mostly uneventful day, I went to see some old coworkers, told them how much better I feel and guess what ? One told me that the OM was seen driving both of our cars (her's was repo'd)long before he was supposedly here 1-2 years ? I can't believe ! Oh well it doesnt really matter. Can anyone tell me how long to expect this 5 stages of grief to go on for ? I do long for company,there's just me and her (had to have)(but can't take care of) macaw who's pissed at the world cause no ones here anymore. I think I'm going to end this thread as its served it's purpose, I'm just sitting here bitchen. MUCH MAHALO'S TOO ALL OF YOU !!!! Dennis Link to post Share on other sites
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