J Blaze Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I met my exgf my freshman year of college second semester. She lived accross the hall from me in the dorms. She always hung out with this fraternity and i started to... i ended up joining and had a great time with them, met alot of guys i would call brothers. We grew closer and then it seemed we never slept apart, i just about lived in her room the rest of the year, sex was great.. a few times a day. There was one problem tho, she loved me emensly and i didnt know if i loved her... i had always been the type of person that walks through a hall and looks down, and wispers hi to cute girls. I am pretty outgoing when it comes down to it, but inside i guess im shy, so i struggle back and forth with it. But anyway, it wasnt until we took a little break right before the superbowl that i realized i did love her. I went home to visit my buddy and he surprised me with a sugar cube on a dinner plate... he told me to take a seat and have one of these with him... if you dont know what im talking about, you shouldnt... but after that crazy night, when it was over, i gave her a call and we got back together. I loved her and she loved me, we were happy the entire sophmore year, sometimes we would fight about how i didnt make enough time for her, didnt call her enough, stuff like that... but i liked to $moke and hang out... it wasnt that i was ignoring her, i just didnt think of her. The begining of my junior year i moved out of the fraternity house and into an apartment with 4 other guys from my house. Me and my girl were still together, but we were fighting alot, one night in bed she told me a couple of incidents in my frat house when my brothers tried to take advantage of her but she got out of there and that it was no big deal. It didnt bother me at first but then it started to get under my skin... if i cant even trust my brothers, who can i trust? So i guess i gave her some **** for going to my house every once in a while, and she took it the wrong way. She stopped hanging out there altogether. These were her closest friends that she stoped seeing, i guess to make me happy... I guess i gave her **** alot because all her friends were guys, and i didnt understand it. She joined a sorority and all the people she hangs out with are guys, so it bothered me a little... and i do mean a little. I trusted her because i loved her, but i knew eventually something might happen. Not because i am a jealous insecure a**h*** (which im not), but because she had a very flirty personality and horny dudes take words the wrong way. So, to make up for her lost friends at my house, she went over to the house next door and started drinking there all the time with her good friends she said. I continued to give her **** (thats the way i am, i was just pulling her leg tho, there were only half truths to what i said), i told her she might not want to be with these guys, but they definetly want to get with her. She said, " Just because they want to be with me, doesnt mean i want to be with them"... We broke up a couple weeks later, and now 2 months after that she has been dating her good friend from the house next door for a few weeks now, the one she said she would never want to be with because she loved me. I was seeing this freaky girl for a few days but nothing progressed from it, i didnt want another relationship so soon. A ****ty thing happened at the time too, the first night i was with this freaky girl, my exgf saw us making out from accross the room at a party, i didnt even know she was there...but even though it is soo soon that she is dating this guy since we broke up, that doesnt bother me so much. Its what i found out recently, and the fact that she is calling me an a**h*** and just sent me a message how i cheated on her that does bother me... I found out this guy has been trying to get with her for a year now, at valentines day he sent her roses, sweetis day a bear, and presents and offers every so often inbetween. She never told me about any of this, just accepted the presents and turned him down each time. Now tonight she sends me a message saying the only one she ever loved lied and cheated on her, and completed the message by telling me to F off... we havent talked for a month and she just now send me a message saying im an a hole, i think the pot is callin the kettle black... she hid something like that from me for so long and then dates the guy just about as soon as we break up( granted i didnt like when she told me about all the guys that flirted with her, i took it the wrong way when she was just makiing conversation, but it never stopped her before). I know for sure i dont want to be with her again, but i do still love her, or maybe its just the idea of her i love... someone to be there for you to complete yourself even... Im just confused i guess, if i dont want to be with her why did i write all this? Why do i still read her away messages, and why do i want to reply to her? Its probably just hard to let go of her even tho i dont want to be with her... just life i guess, hope you enjoyed hearing about the last couple of years of mine, good luck to everyone going through the same thing... and sorry about the huge post, just felt like getting it all down Link to post Share on other sites
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