was i abused or am i just imagining it?

[danja]

15 years ago I was sent for private tution at a teachers house (from another school). I was 7 at the time, I may have had-may have dyslexia (forgive my terrible spelling), I remember his name Frank and I remember not being able to solve a few maths questions........he put his hand down my pants and started touching my testicles, I just remember feeling so uncomfortable, I think I remember him asking me if it felt good and to just relax and that he did it with all his students. I can't remember any form of anal penetration although I can't be sure, I know that he was suspended from his school for alleged assaulting of a group of girls, I don't know whether I'm adding 2+2 and making 5. Where can I go for advice? Will some sort of hynosis help me find out whether or not this actually happened. I know that ever since junior school I have found it difficult forming relationships due to massivley low self esteem, I've seen councilors about the fact that I was bullied and beaten up from the age of 12-15-this has helped but I'm friends and familey have kept on telling me that something in my life that happened at some point has really damaged me. Where do I go? What do I do?

[stitchie21]

It sounds to me that it could have very well happened. From what you said about him abusing other children, to me that seems like pretty good evidence for your case. As a child, when things like that happen, you are able to remember them - maybe not as vivid as you would remember things now, but you remember it in a different way. Also, you may have repressed the memory. I would bring it up to your counselor, explain how you feel and see if they can give you any further advice. I wish you the best and hope you can overcome this and begin living your life without having to deal with the stress of your past!

[Becoming]

You were definitely molested from what you remember, and that can affect you. A seven-year-old isn't equipped to handle these feelings, so it's possible you repressed even more. It might be time to get back into therapy and try hypnosis with a counsellor who's qualified to deal with child sexual abuse.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. It can really mess with your mind in ways you'd never suspect.

[crazy_grl]

I've spent quite a bit of time wondering about the same things as you. When I was in middle school, my mother told me that my father (they were recently divorced) had been kicked out of the house of the family he'd been staying with because they claimed he was molesting their son. She was adament that he didn't do it, but right after she said it, I felt like it was true and I had a memory of him touching me. For nearly the next 10 years, I tried to convince myself that I was wrong and to ignore it. But I just kept seeing more and more signs that it was true. I've accepted that it is, and I'm dealing with it now.

 

I don't recommend hypnosis at all. I've done a lot of reading about repressed memories over the years, and one of the things about hypnosis is that you take the chance that the therapist will accidently create memories that didn't happen. And if you try to explore to remember more, there's a chance that you'll simply create events from your imagination, which can lead to you thinking much worse things happened than what really did. (Some of the implanted memory studies I've read have been pretty startling, so I wouldn't even go there. It's too risky.)

 

Some psychologists think that you need to remember every specific detail to heal, but I (as well as other psychologists) don't think it's necessary and that it actually has potential to do more damage than good. Once you've accepted that the abuse happened, I think a focus on the future and modifying behavior and thought patterns is more important than remembering specific details.

 

From what you know now, I'd say you were abused. There are a lot of books about dealing with it. One is "Outgrowing the Pain" by Eliana Gil. It's mostly about the psychological manifestations of sexual abuse. It takes about an hour to read.

 

I'd also suggest reading up on possible treatment options before you see the psychologist, then finding one who generally agrees with you on how the treatment should be handled.

[sparticuss]

I have my doubts that sexual penetration occurred. Most seven year olds have pretty good memories by that age.

And, if it was so traumatic that you can't remember it then I doubt that you would remember him grabbing your testicles either.

 

But this is still definitely abuse.

 

The only people that counselers ever hurt are those victims that have never been assualted. There was a notorious one of a nineteen year old girl who had been molested , by a relative, when she was a child. Full on penatrative rape to. Not just a bit of fondling.

The counsellers had all the evidence they needed for the plice to arrest and convict the perpertrator. Hymnosies, the girls testimony,the lot.

They arrested him but insisted that even though the offences had occured over ten years ago that a medical examination was required.

 

The doctor found that the girl was a virgin.

 

But, despite the rape being proven false, the girl ended up suffering all the traumas ofa genuine rape victim.

 

 

 

But you are the opposite.

You already remember. And its chewing you up from the inside.

Go to one counseller. If you're not satisfied change to another straight away. Do it as many times as you need to.