Do you have to be a bitch to deserve love?

[Nicole]

I was dating this guy for over a year. We were very close to each other with our own language and expressions that only two of us would understand. I am a very loyal and greatful person for the one who treats me the way I treat him.

 

However, recently he started seeing occasionally his ex again, he denies that he does but I know 100% and I told him it's over. My trust was betrayed and I just feel so dirty. She is a cheap, dirty whore (that's exactly how she looks and behaves) and so he is for that matter, I am not giving either one of them any preference right now. I am so hurt right now not by the fact that I lost him but the fact that I am trying to figure out why when you give so much energy , understanding and time to somebody...that's what you get in return. Do you have to be a real bitch to deserve someone's love and affection or am I always fall for the wrong one?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Do you have to be a real bitch to deserve someone's love and affection or am I always fall for the wrong one?"

 

It helps sometimes.

 

Being a bitch or not has nothing to do with what happened to you. I am totally convinced that the minority of men are capable of total loyalty. The ones who are were subjected to intense and rigid religious, ethical, moral and social training as children. Many of them were promised eternity in hell if they strayed from the course.

 

It is the evolutionary nature of men to be on the prowl. It is only through self restraint and control that many of them don't. But even the very best of men are subject to temptation.

 

Many people are just emotionally weak. When they get in a certain headspace, they call an ex...regardless of whether or not they are in a relationship or not. It doesn't even matter if they are happy or not. Most of the men who cheat are happy in many respects with their partner.

 

Your ex probably loved you more than life itself. He screwed up in a moment of human weakness and he'll now have to pay for that. He was a victim of evolution, in which just a few thousand years ago men lived in communes and shared females...there was little jealousy...moving about and spreading one's genetic material was just a way of life for the male. Further back in evolution, it was even less organized but we'll stay away from that now.

 

It could take several thousand years for men to evolve into a state of near complete loyalty. I don't really know how long it will take females.

 

Meanwhile, the process is certainly not helped by the media, TV shows like Jerry Springer, the degeneration of the family unit, etc. Cheating is glorified and promoted in the media. You wouldn't believe the types of shows on the air these days...and young people are absolutely affected by them.

 

It also doesn't help when we see our celebrity heroes, such as Tom Cruise, start going off to romantic islands with girlfriends (Penelope Cruz) while they are still in the process of divorcing their wives.

 

When our married Presidents (Clinton) and married Congressmen (Condit) have affairs with interns 30 years their junior, it doesn't help the process either. Further examples are being omitted for lack of sufficient space.

 

God Bless humanity!!!

[Liquid Dream]

You sound like a woman who appreciates being treated good from a guy. That is totally cool! Don't even worry about this guy. He is a loser! If you aren't worth that much to him that he has to cheat on you with a slut. Then he doesn't deserve you! Plain and simple. I honestly would NEVER do that to a woman. Especially one that shows she cares when I'm good to her. That is just wrong. He basically spit in your face and you don't deserve it! Don't even waste your time trying to figure out what you've done wrong. Stay busy, do things that you like to do on your own or with friends. Call up all of your girlfriends and have a lady's night out. I think that would help get this guy off of your mind! I hope this helps at least a little bit. Just keep your mind ocupied with the things you like to do. That has helped me get over a similiar relationship that I just ended not too long ago. Only she didn't exactly cheat, it was lies and head games, and the fact that she told me that she loved me but never made time to see me. So good luck and you never know when or where you could meet Mr. Right!!!

I was dating this guy for over a year. We were very close to each other with our own language and expressions that only two of us would understand. I am a very loyal and greatful person for the one who treats me the way I treat him. However, recently he started seeing occasionally his ex again, he denies that he does but I know 100% and I told him it's over. My trust was betrayed and I just feel so dirty. She is a cheap, dirty whore (that's exactly how she looks and behaves) and so he is for that matter, I am not giving either one of them any preference right now. I am so hurt right now not by the fact that I lost him but the fact that I am trying to figure out why when you give so much energy , understanding and time to somebody...that's what you get in return. Do you have to be a real bitch to deserve someone's love and affection or am I always fall for the wrong one?

[stangbabe]

I was dating this guy for over a year. We were very close to each other with our own language and expressions that only two of us would understand. I am a very loyal and greatful person for the one who treats me the way I treat him. However, recently he started seeing occasionally his ex again, he denies that he does but I know 100% and I told him it's over. My trust was betrayed and I just feel so dirty. She is a cheap, dirty whore (that's exactly how she looks and behaves) and so he is for that matter, I am not giving either one of them any preference right now. I am so hurt right now not by the fact that I lost him but the fact that I am trying to figure out why when you give so much energy , understanding and time to somebody...that's what you get in return. Do you have to be a real bitch to deserve someone's love and affection or am I always fall for the wrong one?

[stangbabe]

I was dating this guy for over a year. We were very close to each other with our own language and expressions that only two of us would understand. I am a very loyal and greatful person for the one who treats me the way I treat him. However, recently he started seeing occasionally his ex again, he denies that he does but I know 100% and I told him it's over. My trust was betrayed and I just feel so dirty. She is a cheap, dirty whore (that's exactly how she looks and behaves) and so he is for that matter, I am not giving either one of them any preference right now. I am so hurt right now not by the fact that I lost him but the fact that I am trying to figure out why when you give so much energy , understanding and time to somebody...that's what you get in return. Do you have to be a real bitch to deserve someone's love and affection or am I always fall for the wrong one?

I know exactly how you feel. It's ironic, but my boyfriend and I had this discussion the other night. I have a friend, well, I guess she's not really my friend anymore. She is married to a wonderful man, wonderful looking, treats her like a queen, is a good provider. Although she hasn't admitted to me that she's sleeping around on him, I highly suspect it. She's a mother of (3) and out in the barrooms on a regular basis without her husband, yet he sits home or works, and waits for her. I don't understand it. I'm like you. I'm in a relationship now, that I give so much, but it's not being returned. I asked him the other night if he would care more for me if I did as my ex friend. His response was, "no".

 

In short, for some reason it seems that all the men/women who treat their spouses like crud, are the ones who get the good spouses. As for your boyfriend, he's obviously confused, and if that's the type of woman he wants, let him have her. You deserve MUCH better than that. I know that doesn't ease the pain, but obviously he has some insecurity issues. Maybe he's even intimidated by you or maybe he feels like you're too good for him. Why not ask him? Are their children involved with this ex? A lot of times I've found that men, for some reason, hold on to extreme guilt when there are children involved, and even though they don't love the ex, or have any kind of feeling for the ex, they feel an obligation to their children so they "hang in". You sound like a sweet, caring and compassionate person who deserves MUCH more than this. Good luck - there is someone out there who will not do this to you.....it's just a matter of locating them! :0)

[Nicole]

Thanks so much to everyone for their responses.

 

Stangbabe, I've read your posting too and it reminded me your situation. The age difference is even the same )

 

He used to say that I am too good for him but I'd say it was just an excuse. There are no children involved on his side. I have a child and they seem to be getting along very good. Anyway, thanks so much to everybody, it helps a lot.

 

Nicole.

[marzipan75]

No you dont. I know where you are coming from and I don't think you do. Unfortunately I am the one on the ex-girlfriend end in my situation and in my case it was my trust that was betrayed. I gave everything thinking it was okay because you love somebody, but you can't blame yourself. Yes the ex is a factor and yes I am sure you want to tear her eyes out, I understand this very well. My ex left me for another girl and slept w/her before we broke up, only I didn't know about it at the time. So yes it hurts and no you don't have to be a bitch to deserve love. It's good that you told him it's over and that you have enough self respect not to be the one in limbo while he decides what it is he wants. Don't be that person.

 

I don't know what it is with guys but sometimes they get scared or stupid (take your pick) and then they are like dogs, they go running to the most familiar thing they can find because it is comfortable. Me, I'm the ex and I am happily staying away from my former guy because I don't want any part of his "confusion" or to know anything about his new relationship.

 

I'm going to ask you to do one thing that may be against your better judgement here and that is to consider the "whore's" feelings. She is the ex and although I don't know the circumstances of his former relationship with the ex, I can tell you that what you're feeling is the exact same thing that she was feeling when he got together with you. I hope you follow that. Maybe she's a dispicable person but I want to garantee here that she is not the only one at fault, it is also him. If she was not leaving him alone it is also his doing not just hers. At some point in time he decided that he wanted her back in his life and that's his fault not necessarily hers. You leave that behind and you will be surprised at how good things can get for you.

 

I don't know how long you were together but please please please don't give up on finding someone new. You need time to heal right now but I think later you will begin to feel a lot better about things. I know it's really easy for me to say that right now but actually it's not, I've been broken up only a month now and sometimes I surprise myself.

 

I don't know if you've been through a break up before but it will get easier.

 

I really can sympathize with the way you're feeling right now. You feel cheated and used and yes dirty is the perfect word for it. Let it go. Just try to breathe deep and let it go. Anger is a great motivator and you feel like you'll be angry forever over this but it goes away. I've thought a lot about the failure of my relationship and blame myself largely because I gave so much to him and he let me but the point is it doesn't matter, no matter what you are always going to put yourself out on the line and you can't give up. I happen to believe that you shouldn't because chances are there is someone ten times better out there waiting to give you what you want.

 

I hope that helps some. Take care and please don't give up.

I was dating this guy for over a year. We were very close to each other with our own language and expressions that only two of us would understand. I am a very loyal and greatful person for the one who treats me the way I treat him. However, recently he started seeing occasionally his ex again, he denies that he does but I know 100% and I told him it's over. My trust was betrayed and I just feel so dirty. She is a cheap, dirty whore (that's exactly how she looks and behaves) and so he is for that matter, I am not giving either one of them any preference right now. I am so hurt right now not by the fact that I lost him but the fact that I am trying to figure out why when you give so much energy , understanding and time to somebody...that's what you get in return. Do you have to be a real bitch to deserve someone's love and affection or am I always fall for the wrong one?