Age Gap

[SproadicQuestionaire]

I understand that everyone has a different opinion on age gaps. I went on a cruise last week and met a 21 year old who was still in college. I’m 31, have a great career and have my own home. On the cruise, I had asked this girl how old do I like after she asked how old was I, she responded and said 27. I replied with, yeah you’re right! (And went with it) as the cruise progressed, we got closer and closer and actually bonded as weird as it sounds. We eventually danced, made out, but never did anything sexual as I told her I’d rather wait so there was built up tension to keep seeing each other after we got off the cruise. Final day comes around, we go our separate ways, I immediately am like f***, I should probably just tell her my actual age. Back and forth until I eventually shoot her a text telling her I was actually 31. I was hoping she wouldn’t care or appreciate my honesty, but boy was I wrong. She replied along the lines of being shocked and that she’d rather no longer talk to me anymore. Now this girl is a legit 9/10 so I assume she gets constant attention from guys but I was pretty bummed to be honest. Any advice or anything for the future?

[Sony12]

Well this question really isn't about age gap and more along the lines of people being honest about their age. Ten years difference isn't really that big of a difference when both people are in the adult world but when one is still a college student ten years is a huge difference.

Be honest about your age from now on. Age gap dating is pretty prevalent these days and isn't that big of a deal as long as both individuals are honest about how old they are.

In any case you probably didn't miss out on much anyways. She was 21 years old and on a cruise. For all intents and purposes she was living a fantasy. She probably wouldn't seem like the same person if you ever were around her in her everyday life.

Just out of curiosity was she with her family or a group of friends who split the cost of the cruise? 99% of college students wouldn't have the money for a cruise unless they had some financial help with it.

Edited March 11 by Sony12

[SproadicQuestionaire]

10 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well this question really isn't about age gap and more along the lines of people being honest about their age. Ten years difference isn't really that big of a difference when both people are in the adult world but when one is still a college student ten years is a huge difference.

Be honest about your age from now on. Age gap dating is pretty prevalent these days and isn't that big of a deal as long as both individuals are honest about how old they are.

In any case you probably didn't miss out on much anyways. She was 21 years old and on a cruise. For all intents and purposes she was living a fantasy. She probably wouldn't seem like the same person if you ever were around her in her everyday life.

Just out of curiosity was she with her family or a group of friends who split the cost of the cruise? 99% of college students wouldn't have the money for a cruise unless they had some financial help with it.

She was with a bunch of sorority girls. I’d assume it was for spring break or something 

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

She was with a bunch of sorority girls. I’d assume it was for spring break or something 

Oh yeah don't spend two more minutes thinking about this young lady. She was on a cruise with her sorority sisters. Probably half of them were hooking up with someone during the cruise. They were living a spring break fantasy before they finished up the school year.

If you ever met her outside of the trip she likely would have seemed like an entirely different person.

[SproadicQuestionaire]

12 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Oh yeah don't spend two more minutes thinking about this young lady. She was on a cruise with her sorority sisters. Probably half of them were hooking up with someone during the cruise. They were living a spring break fantasy before they finished up the school year.

If you ever met her outside of the trip she likely would have seemed like an entirely different person.

I guess what irritates me the like you were totally into me then you go and block me the next without me doing anything lol 

[SurfCity]

2 minutes ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

I guess what irritates me the like you were totally into me then you go and block me the next without me doing anything lol 

Well, except for the lying.

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

I guess what irritates me the like you were totally into me then you go and block me the next without me doing anything lol 

Don't worry about it. She's in college. If you like younger women probably better to look at women in their mid to late 20's than their early 20's.

You probably wouldn't have heard much more from this specific gal even if you were the exact age she guessed. 

Just be honest about your age from now on no matter who you are talking to.

Edited March 11 by Sony12

[SproadicQuestionaire]

3 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

Well, except for the lying.

Valid point 

[Wiseman2]

Lying about your age is what turned her off. Cruises are for fun and people do fun things, but sometimes it's a "what happens in Vegas" kind of thing.

31 isn't ancient and probably wouldn't have mattered, but lying to her face about being 27 was a real turn off and block worthy because you treated her like a naive fool. 

Edited March 11 by Wiseman2

[SproadicQuestionaire]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Lying about your age is what turned her off. Cruises are for fun and people do fun things, but sometimes it's a "what happens in Vegas" kind of thing.

31 isn't ancient and probably wouldn't have mattered, but lying to her face about being 27 was a real turn off. 

Yeah absolutely never gonna do that again. We had really great chemistry and a lot in common (I know, a 21 year old) as lame as that sounds….

[Gebidozo]

59 minutes ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

I understand that everyone has a different opinion on age gaps. I went on a cruise last week and met a 21 year old who was still in college. I’m 31, have a great career and have my own home. On the cruise, I had asked this girl how old do I like after she asked how old was I, she responded and said 27. I replied with, yeah you’re right! (And went with it) as the cruise progressed, we got closer and closer and actually bonded as weird as it sounds. We eventually danced, made out, but never did anything sexual as I told her I’d rather wait so there was built up tension to keep seeing each other after we got off the cruise. Final day comes around, we go our separate ways, I immediately am like f***, I should probably just tell her my actual age. Back and forth until I eventually shoot her a text telling her I was actually 31. I was hoping she wouldn’t care or appreciate my honesty, but boy was I wrong. She replied along the lines of being shocked and that she’d rather no longer talk to me anymore. Now this girl is a legit 9/10 so I assume she gets constant attention from guys but I was pretty bummed to be honest. Any advice or anything for the future?

Age gap might create problems, especially if one of the partners is so young (speaking from experience here), but in this case I don’t think it’s that. It’s probably the fact that you initially lied to her about your age. Some people can forgive such lies quickly, while others adopt a zero lies policy, especially early on; they see it as a definite red flag. In any case, I don’t know anyone who is thrilled about being told a lie. 

[Sony12]

Just now, SproadicQuestionaire said:

Yeah absolutely never gonna do that again. We had really great chemistry and a lot in common (I know, a 21 year old) as lame as that sounds….

Well you had chemistry on the cruise. But that wouldn't necessarily translate to you having chemistry with her when she was occupied with her homework and concerned about the going ons amongst her fellow 21 year old friends and the drama going on in their lives.

[SproadicQuestionaire]

16 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Well you had chemistry on the cruise. But that wouldn't necessarily translate to you having chemistry with her when she was occupied with her homework and concerned about the going ons amongst her fellow 21 year old friends and the drama going on in their lives.

That’s a completely valid point. I think I’m just sad cause it seemed like too good to be true if that makes sense 

[SproadicQuestionaire]

17 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Age gap might create problems, especially if one of the partners is so young (speaking from experience here), but in this case I don’t think it’s that. It’s probably the fact that you initially lied to her about your age. Some people can forgive such lies quickly, while others adopt a zero lies policy, especially early on; they see it as a definite red flag. In any case, I don’t know anyone who is thrilled about being told a lie. 

I would have loved to find out why exactly. Whether it be the age gap or the lie itself or the middle ground 

[FredEire]

16 hours ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

I understand that everyone has a different opinion on age gaps. I went on a cruise last week and met a 21 year old who was still in college. I’m 31, have a great career and have my own home. On the cruise, I had asked this girl how old do I like after she asked how old was I, she responded and said 27. I replied with, yeah you’re right! (And went with it) as the cruise progressed, we got closer and closer and actually bonded as weird as it sounds. We eventually danced, made out, but never did anything sexual as I told her I’d rather wait so there was built up tension to keep seeing each other after we got off the cruise. Final day comes around, we go our separate ways, I immediately am like f***, I should probably just tell her my actual age. Back and forth until I eventually shoot her a text telling her I was actually 31. I was hoping she wouldn’t care or appreciate my honesty, but boy was I wrong. She replied along the lines of being shocked and that she’d rather no longer talk to me anymore. Now this girl is a legit 9/10 so I assume she gets constant attention from guys but I was pretty bummed to be honest. Any advice or anything for the future?

Just don't lie. I don't think the age gap was the main issue (6 years is already a large one), but the fact you weren't honest with here.

I got into my last relationship when I was 25, my ex told me she was the same age and it was only four months later I discovered she was actually 33.

The age gap of course was an issue for me, but something that wouldn't have necessarily been a deal-breaker if she'd just told me the truth from the start.

But if you lie about something so basic, the other person starts to wonder what kind of other important information are they keeping/could they keep from me? It's a blatant lack of respect and makes it look like you are taking them for a fool.

Edited March 11 by FredEire

[SproadicQuestionaire]

45 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Just don't lie. I don't think the age gap was the main issue (6 years is already a large one), but the fact you weren't honest with here.

I got into my last relationship when I was 25, my ex told me she was the same age and it was only four months later I discovered she was actually 33.

The age gap of course was an issue for me, but something that wouldn't have necessarily been a deal-breaker if she'd just told me the truth from the start.

But if you lie about something so basic, the other person starts to wonder what kind of other important information are they keeping/could they keep from me? It's a blatant lack of respect and makes it look like you are taking them for a fool.

That’s what was more leaning to as well. I guess it’s one of those things where it wasn’t ever meant to be from the start. 

[FredEire]

11 minutes ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

That’s what was more leaning to as well. I guess it’s one of those things where it wasn’t ever meant to be from the start. 

It sounds like it was a fling at best, I mean you met her on a cruise. So no it wasn't likely to progress past this, but the lying about age is bad in any situation. Just take it as a lesson and move on I say.

[SproadicQuestionaire]

3 minutes ago, FredEire said:

It sounds like it was a fling at best, I mean you met her on a cruise. So no it wasn't likely to progress past this, but the lying about age is bad in any situation. Just take it as a lesson and move on I say.

Absolutely. I seem to always find myself in these vacation flings where I get infatuated pretty easily. It’s pretty annoying 

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, SproadicQuestionaire said:

Absolutely. I seem to always find myself in these vacation flings where I get infatuated pretty easily. It’s pretty annoying 

I used to be the same. I got over it though, the solution was to recognise what it was from minute one and embrace it, that way I was more true to myself and I'd have more success due to not having to fake it, and when she left I'd thought damn it was nice spending some time with that girl rather than damn I wonder if we could start a long distance relationship.

[ShyViolet]

The age gap really wasn't that big.  Next time don't paint yourself into a corner by lying.  That was a pretty dumb thing to do and it backfired on you.  Can you really be surprised that she wants nothing to do with someone who would lie about himself?  It's a sign that she has good judgment.

[SproadicQuestionaire]

3 hours ago, FredEire said:

I used to be the same. I got over it though, the solution was to recognise what it was from minute one and embrace it, that way I was more true to myself and I'd have more success due to not having to fake it, and when she left I'd thought damn it was nice spending some time with that girl rather than damn I wonder if we could start a long distance relationship.

Yeah I think my issue is I get way too emotionally connected to someone too fast and it ends up biting me in the ass

[SproadicQuestionaire]

2 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

The age gap really wasn't that big.  Next time don't paint yourself into a corner by lying.  That was a pretty dumb thing to do and it backfired on you.  Can you really be surprised that she wants nothing to do with someone who would lie about himself?  It's a sign that she has good judgment.

10-11 years when this girl is still in college isn’t that big? I feel like if it had been she was out of college, woulda been easier. 

[GypsyArcher]

The reason you went along with the lie is because you knew it would make her feel more comfortable if she thought you were closer to her age. 

And that is really, really creepy. 

The fact that you thought she shouldn't care that you started off your affair by lying and misleading her is also creepy. 

Age gaps aren't always a big deal. But she's barely an adult yet, relatively inexperienced in life, and you honestly were kind of preying on her.

However, it was kind of silly of you not to sleep with her on the cruise if she was willing. If she's as hot as you say she is, and willing to have sex with a guy she just met on a boat, do you really think the odds were good that your fling would have continued or become something meaningful? Should have just struck while the iron was hot and then let it go. 

Edited March 11 by GypsyArcher

[SproadicQuestionaire]

9 minutes ago, GypsyArcher said:

The reason you went along with the lie is because you knew it would make her feel more comfortable if she thought you were closer to her age. 

And that is really, really creepy. 

The fact that you thought she shouldn't care that you started off your affair by lying and misleading her is also creepy. 

Age gaps aren't always a big deal. But she's barely an adult yet, relatively inexperienced in life, and you honestly were kind of preying on her.

However, it was kind of silly of you not to sleep with her on the cruise if she was willing. If she's as hot as you say she is, and willing to have sex with a guy she just met on a boat, do you really think the odds were good that your fling would have continued or become something meaningful? Should have just struck while the iron was hot and then let it go. 

All valid points. I’m just not the kind of guy to do that unfortunately which makes it ironic I’m the kind of guy to lie about age to make her feel more comfortable. Ironic

[FredEire]

43 minutes ago, GypsyArcher said:

The reason you went along with the lie is because you knew it would make her feel more comfortable if she thought you were closer to her age. 

And that is really, really creepy. 

The fact that you thought she shouldn't care that you started off your affair by lying and misleading her is also creepy. 

Age gaps aren't always a big deal. But she's barely an adult yet, relatively inexperienced in life, and you honestly were kind of preying on her.

However, it was kind of silly of you not to sleep with her on the cruise if she was willing. If she's as hot as you say she is, and willing to have sex with a guy she just met on a boat, do you really think the odds were good that your fling would have continued or become something meaningful? Should have just struck while the iron was hot and then let it go. 

Yes, I read it quickly so missed the part that he passed up on that opportunity.

With all due respect that's absolutely daft. Even ignoring the age gap, holiday romances 99% of the time will finish when you go your seperate ways, given you live god knows how many miles apart and only knew eachother for a moment in time.

Either you act when the chance is there or just leave it and forget about something happening. You don't plan for some fantastical future together when that thought is likely to be very, very far from her mind.