Tired of waiting for the rut to end... long.

[Luxie]

I'm having a really rough time at the moment.

 

I am 25. When I was 20, I left college and moved to another state. I have spent the past five years doing various things, and have now settled on a career path and learned some things. I now (desperately) want to return to school and get my degree. I've decided that writing and photography (a journalism career) is where I want to go.

 

The problem is getting there. After spending the past few years working at various office jobs and part-time retail gigs, I have saved up almost enough money to pay off my old, defaulted student loans. I'm planning on entering college again in fall of 2006.

 

Here's the problem. It's been such a long road of trying and failing to get this to work, that I'm experiencing serious burnout. I'm really, really unhappy- I feel like my whole life has slipped by in the past few years, while I'm scrabbling for money and doing things I hate. It's just not possible for me to enter school any earlier than fall, because my loans are in default and must be paid off before my transcript will be released and before I can get any more govt. grants. Also, my boyfriend and I are going to move to another city together in order for me to go to school, and his job prevents him to move until the fall.

 

I guess my question is how to cope with the next six months or so. I am currently working at an office job. It could be worse, but it's still pretty bad. I make good money which is why I know I'd be an idiot to walk away from it now, especially with only six months to go. But I come home in tears at least once a week, and today I picked a fight with a coworker, because every day I spend in that office I just get more depressed. The worst part of it is that I'm very limited as to what I am 'allowed' to do at work- it's a copywriting firm, and although my writing skills are very strong, I am not allowed to write because I don't have a degree. That is literally, actually what they told me- my skills are good but the CEO does not want anyone without a degree writing final copy. So I spend my days retyping and loading other peoples' writing- it's like it's getting thrown in my face every day that I can't do what I want to do because I haven't finished college. I know I shouldn't complain about that- it IS my fault that I didn't finish- but it is just very disheartening.

 

Anyhow, I think I just need some inspiration because everything is gray right now, and I'm living with constant headaches and stress, and just hating every minute of monday through friday. On top of that I now have the stress of paying off the loans and emptying my bank account again, and applying for schools, and scholarships. It just seems so overwhelming. I feel like I'm three times my age.

 

Does anyone have any recommendations for a good coping strategy for me? I am surprised at myself for asking for advice here, but I realized tonight how badly this is affecting me.

[westernxer]

Can you find another copywriting job that allows you to spread your wings a bit, until you return to school?

 

A degree, oftentimes, is nothing more than a facade, but it is important if you want to advance in the workplace. Some employers don't put too much emphasis on it, but others will. My aunt, who never got her degree, makes great money as a grant writer, more than me (even though I have a degree). A boss at my old job hired a warehouse worker to write proposals after hearing he had writing experience. Sometimes it just depends where you go.

 

That being said, it sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Just relax, and take a look at your short term versus your long term objectives. You may want to look into freelance work, if you have time to do it. You can make a helluva lot more money, too.

[Apathygrip]

ya sometimes the daily grind can really take us far from the beaten path. Put things in perspective....Rite now Im 21 still at a junior college working at a togos:mad: ....but this time about 6 years ago I was a drug addict and homeless.....I live with my parents and prolly no where in the near future have enough to be on my own.....but I have goals and won't stop till I get there.

 

 

Take a deeep beath.......everything will be fine!

[Gold Pile]

Westernxr said it right, as far as that take.

 

 

I've known so many that defaulted on their loans. They get what deadbeats deserve...years of messed up finances.

[lindya]

I often find when I'm having to spend a period of time in a situation I really don't want to be in, I enter something of a danger zone when I can see the end in sight. I don't know if that's a common phenomenon?

 

Looking at the plans you're starting to lay down for yourself, I think it would understandable if you're already getting into student mode in anticipation of and preparation for what's to come. If you're already mentally moving on, it might be harder for you to sustain the energy, concentration and tolerance (eg coping with colleagues consistently denying you opportunities to do the sort of work you're capable of) required for your existing job.

 

 

As Westernxer says, you could always move on. Alternatively, you could start looking at your existing workplace and figuring out ways to exploit your remaining time there to full advantage. If you want to move into journalism eventually, it makes sense to look out for networking opportunities...and there probably are quite a few of them where you are just now.

 

Regarding the limitations that are being placed on you, it might be worth trying to push the boundaries there a bit. If I ask my boss for something and she says no, I'll find out why not - then say "okay then." Because she knows me, she'll say "And DON'T be coming through here asking again in two weeks...."

 

But she knows full well that I will be back - armed with additional reasons as to why I should have what I want. I take the view that she'd be disappointed if I didn't.

 

If the CEO seems to be your obstacle here, then it's the CEO you need to approach - though obviously you need to weigh up the risks and advantages of doing so. I've had jobs before where senior management are blamed for the fact that you can't do A and B or have C and D...then when you actually speak to senior management you discover that they have no problem with you having/doing any of those things at all.

 

So in short, this remaining 6 months could be your opportunity to start learning the art of office politicking - that's not about getting people's backs up and ruffling feathers, it's more about learning to get what you want at work without it causing undue drama or conflict. Once you start viewing these 6 months as a training period in learning how to deal with common workplace difficulties rather than as a prison sentence, I think you might feel you have a bit of renewed energy for the job. Worth a try, anyway.

 

Most importantly, if you're feeling depressed make sure you see your doctor about it. You don't want that to go untreated...

[westernxer]

So in short, this remaining 6 months could be your opportunity to start learning the art of office politicking - that's not about getting people's backs up and ruffling feathers, it's more about learning to get what you want at work without it causing undue drama or conflict.

 

This is the best advice anyone can ever receive about the workplace. It goes a long way toward job stability, too.

[Luxie]

"I often find when I'm having to spend a period of time in a situation I really don't want to be in, I enter something of a danger zone when I can see the end in sight. I don't know if that's a common phenomenon?"

 

That is it, precisely. Mentally I feel as though I've already checked out of this situation, and yet I'm not yet prepared to take the next step. It is frustrating.

 

Thank you all for the solid advice. I think I'm depressed just to add that to the mix, because all of this seems intensely overwhelming and sometimes instead of doing something productive, all I can do is come home from work and fall into bed.

 

In answer to the freelance suggestion, that is an excellent idea, and in fact I was working freelance for awhile- it was time consuming but I was making really good money on the side. Unfortunately that job fell through and I haven't been able to find one since.

 

Regarding the deadbeat comment- I appreciate the 'two takes' view, but do not appreciate being called such a thing. If anyone is interested in the situation, the loans went into default because I was working full time to pay family medical bills, and since I lived in a different state and had my own expenses, payment on the loans just wasn't possible for awhile. I have now saved up enough to pay them off, and I also kept in contact with the loan holders the entire time.

[Becoming]

Luxie, I like your moxie. Sounds like you've had a tough time which resulted in you not finishing school in the first place. If you really are depressed, get some help. Is there something you can do that you'd look forward to doing that will help you fuel your dream. When I was stuck in a place working toward a dream, for instance, I spent hours looking at houses online. Kinda crazy, but it helped. Can you research your new city, for instance? Or maybe even start reading some of your textbooks for courses by getting a course bibliograpy? Staying busy will help. And just go ahead and check out of your work situation emotionally. Just do the time and smile to yourself as you check off the days. Don't let it get to you. (Easier said than done, to be sure.) Best wishes!

[Luxie]

Luxie, I like your moxie. Sounds like you've had a tough time which resulted in you not finishing school in the first place. If you really are depressed, get some help. Is there something you can do that you'd look forward to doing that will help you fuel your dream. When I was stuck in a place working toward a dream, for instance, I spent hours looking at houses online. Kinda crazy, but it helped. Can you research your new city, for instance? Or maybe even start reading some of your textbooks for courses by getting a course bibliograpy? Staying busy will help. And just go ahead and check out of your work situation emotionally. Just do the time and smile to yourself as you check off the days. Don't let it get to you. (Easier said than done, to be sure.) Best wishes!

 

Thanks, Becoming. That makes me feel really good to hear that. Thanks also for the advice. I have actually spent a little time looking into my new city, but I am hesitant to do it too much because I'm so afraid this is going to fall through- I feel like I might be getting my own hopes up. Also, part of the move depends on my boyfriend's job, and if he can't get a job in that city we'll have to pick a different one- so things are so much up in the air that I'm afraid to get too wrapped up in a plan.

 

I am also stymied when it comes to preparing for school- since I can't actually register until my transcript is released, which won't be till the loan is paid off, which won't be until the end of January. It's definitely an in-between, waiting time. I'm sure it's most of the reason I'm feeling so down- it's affecting everything, right down to me picking fights with my boyfriend and vice versa. We are just so wound up and stressed and stretched so thin.

 

I think I need to call on some mental creative resources to get through this... unfortunately the 8 to 5 and all of the stress is making me a little zombie-ish.

[Becoming]

I know you can't officially register, but I know universities. Some profs are more than willing to release a bibliography of books if you ask for one, telling them your situation and asking for their advice. Just email someone whose course you're really looking forward to taking, let them know a little of your situation and why you're writing and ask for something to read while you're waiting to matriculate (dandy university word that means officially attend and work toward a degree, as you probably know).

 

You're afraid of disappointment, of getting your hopes up only to be let down. Sounds like you've suffered much disappointment already in your life and afraid to trust that anything good can come to you. It can. It really, really can. The trick is not to let your fear of disappointment sabotage you. Stay on course and watch yourself. You deserve this dream and you can do it!

[Luxie]

I know you can't officially register, but I know universities. Some profs are more than willing to release a bibliography of books if you ask for one, telling them your situation and asking for their advice. Just email someone whose course you're really looking forward to taking, let them know a little of your situation and why you're writing and ask for something to read while you're waiting to matriculate (dandy university word that means officially attend and work toward a degree, as you probably know).

 

You're afraid of disappointment, of getting your hopes up only to be let down. Sounds like you've suffered much disappointment already in your life and afraid to trust that anything good can come to you. It can. It really, really can. The trick is not to let your fear of disappointment sabotage you. Stay on course and watch yourself. You deserve this dream and you can do it!

 

I will try this- I didn't even know it was a possibility, but in fact I already know exactly what professor/ department to contact. Thanks for the advice- that will also come in handy when it comes time to actually take the class. I've been out of school so long that I'm terrified at how rusty my studying skills must be, and I know that having read up on some of the material will help, a lot.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I'm bookmarking this discussion and checking back with it. It really does make me feel a little more energetic about everything.

[Becoming]

Hey, I just thought: Best advice anyone ever gave me was to read a book by Mortimer Adler (donchya love the name?) entitled How to Read a Book. It seems like such a silly book, but honestly, I only wished I'd read it during my BA studies instead of right before PhD comprehensives. It's probably the best thing to do to get any rusty study skills up to date. You can probably find a cheap copy on amazon.com or alibris.com

 

You're gonna do this, and it's gonna be good. Keep us posted, ok?

[Gold Pile]

[quote=Luxie.

 

Regarding the deadbeat comment- I appreciate the 'two takes' view, but do not appreciate being called such a thing. If anyone is interested in the situation, the loans went into default because I was working full time to pay family medical bills, and since I lived in a different state and had my own expenses, payment on the loans just wasn't possible for awhile. I have now saved up enough to pay them off, and I also kept in contact with the loan holders the entire time.

 

Well, although the hard times story falls deaf on the ears of someone who has endured them and still satisfied creditors, at great sacrifice too. ....

 

I do appreciate the staying in contact part. I hate DBs who not only withold your money, but then also waste your time/money by giving you the run around.

 

So I offer you a skeptical apology. (I've heard so many ~turning my life around and paying you back~ tales, that I can't help the skepticism.

[Becoming]

I know the difficulty of hard times and creditors, too, GP, and I, too, am still and always will be working through some things. May your health insurance always cover whatever ails you because there's a whole different reality out there for those with health issues and no money.

 

But it seems to me that it's more helpful to all if we try to keep from projecting our own issues on to people as much as possible and leave judgment to God.

 

Hmmmm .. . . Only wish I could do that more myself!

[Gold Pile]

I know the difficulty of hard times and creditors, too, GP, and I, too, am still and always will be working through some things. May your health insurance always cover whatever ails you because there's a whole different reality out there for those with health issues and no money.

 

But it seems to me that it's more helpful to all if we try to keep from projecting our own issues on to people as much as possible and leave judgment to God.

 

Hmmmm .. . . Only wish I could do that more myself!

 

Such a gentle slam:) . As a matter of survival, we must pass judgment on those that want our money.

Health issues: Usually we can trace back to some imprudence in the debtors history that led to this. He didn't carry cobra, because it would use up his fun money. Or it really was too expensive because he had more children then he could afford. Still his fault. Use credit cards wisely.

[Luxie]

Hey, I just thought: Best advice anyone ever gave me was to read a book by Mortimer Adler (donchya love the name?) entitled How to Read a Book. It seems like such a silly book, but honestly, I only wished I'd read it during my BA studies instead of right before PhD comprehensives. It's probably the best thing to do to get any rusty study skills up to date. You can probably find a cheap copy on amazon.com or alibris.com

 

You're gonna do this, and it's gonna be good. Keep us posted, ok?

 

I will do just that. And I'll look for the book- might be the perfect holiday present to myself.

[Luxie]

So I offer you a skeptical apology. (I've heard so many ~turning my life around and paying you back~ tales, that I can't help the skepticism.

 

Skepticism understandable. I know everyone has a 'hard times' situation and I never believed myself to be any worse off than anyone else. I did the best I could, and I'm thankfully almost out of it.

[HokeyReligions]

Do your own writing. Keep it to yourself. Build a private portfolio and when you finish college you will have that to bring with you, or you can use that to seek other positions where they are not so stringent about degrees. It will be an outlet for you now and a great resource for your future. If you are writing for the company's clients --keep contact information for those clients and when you leave that company you can go directly to their clients and market your writing freelance. No one has to know exactly when you wrote the pieces. If you write them while employed you have probably signed some kind of waiver that your company owns whatever you do there -- but there is often a time frame for that after you leave a company.

 

Even if its not something that you will sell, you will have it to show your work when you are looking for a new position (or maybe even be able to use some of it for college coursework / internship).

[Becoming]

And Hokey's a technical writer, so she knows some of what you're in right now. How lovely that the universe has sent you folks to help you through this time.

[Luxie]

And Hokey's a technical writer, so she knows some of what you're in right now. How lovely that the universe has sent you folks to help you through this time.

 

Most definitely. Hokey, can you offer me any advice on what kind of work I could set aside for a portfolio that may be useful later? My company does online retail and the work involves product descriptions as well as keyword articles. Is there any particular type of thing that is good to set aside as a portfolio? I've never created a writing one and would like to start, for all the reasons you have listed.