jesse01 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 My husband and I went out last night to a local bar that we frequent on Wed. nights because its open mike and he plays every instrument up there. Most of the time he'll join in and play for a while and the rest of the time we stand and talk to friends and such. Well, we were just coming of a bit of a stupid argument that was just his bad mood starting a chain reaction of misunderstandings over absolutely nothing. That was 2 days ago, but we've both been so busy we haven't had the chance to "recover", and get that weird distance out of the way. So last night we went to the bar and I was determined to get that awkwardness out of the way and have fun. I did all night, laughing and joking and messing with him, and he eased a quite a bit as the night went on. Here's the thing. He is the type guy to watch peolpe, how they act, who they talk to, overal observing behavior. We do it all the time and laugh guessing who is going to hit on who next in these places. He's not the type of guy to "Check out" women that walk by, he pretty much makes eye contact and "sees" everyone that passes by, everywhere we go. He always makes an effort to acknowledge me when he's talking to others and what not. But last night, there was a woman sitting near us, attractive, and I'd guess 5-10 years older than me, that wasn't dressed seductively or anything, and she wasn't overly attractive. Someone he and I would both say, "She's a pretty woman, and seems like she's probably older than she looks." But I kept catching him looking over at her throughtout the night, and he even spoke to her twice, once joking about her joining some guy on the dance floor that was coming on to her, and another time asking if she worked at so and so when he saw a friend of his speaking to her. I did my best to let it roll off, reminding myself that he speaks to and looks at everybody all the time. But even after that I kept seeing him cutting his eyes over to her like he didn't want me to see him doing it. Finally, just before we left, I saw her glance up at him and I stepped back a bit so he couldn't see me and I watched him staring at her. Finally he realized I was watching and he jerked his head around and smiled at me, put his arm around me and asked if I was ready. I could see it in his eyes, he knew I had seen him. He immediately offered to let me walk out first so he could "watch me from behind", suddenly being attentive to me like he normaly is. I didn't say anything, smiled and we drove home (we were on seperate cars) and when we got home he was very distant (he knew I saw him) and when we crawledinto bed he said "So what are you pissed about?" Well, I had been in a great mood till that moment and he had only seen me walk to my car and then go into the house since. I said I was fine and asked if he was going to put his arm around me and warm me up, he did and we went to sleep. What I'm trying to get is WHY he would stare at someone like that, when he's never done it before, and while he was with me for that matter! We've been together a year and half and just married a few months ago. Please explain why he would do that! I feel like that girl went home to her friends saying "there was a hot guy eyeballing me all night with his wife standing right there!" Now that ticks me off!!! Help me understand this so I don't end up saying something to him and getting nothing but denial and being pegged as just another jealous crazy woman! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Its human nature that people will look. However, is it possible that he knows this woman? Played it off as he didn't? Maybe he was intrigued by her for whatever reason. Not trying to justify his 'staring", but some people will do that, for whatever reason. Ask him and why he was doing that. Its obvious he knows you saw him starring at this other woman. Just out of curiosty see what he has to say. Just a thought. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I think we all look male or female we aren't dead but i think he was looking way too much maybe he did know her as Jade had said or she just fancied him a little too much !! That would bother me if my h done that but i have never caught him looking at a girl while being out with me usually his eyes are on me!! i think it very disrespectful to you and very inconsiderate from him to do it and make it known!!! Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I said I was fine... So you lied to him. You said everything was OK when, in fact, it wasn't. Yes, it was disrespectful of him to be eyeing up that woman in the bar. And it was disrespectful of you to think one thing and say another. IMHO, he should apologize, and so should you, and put the entire episode behind you once you have both cleared the air. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Let it go. You are looking way too much into this. Get yourselves into the bedroom for makeup sex and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 What the last two guys said. You sound like entirely too happy a couple to let something like this ruin your day. Link to post Share on other sites
Suesue Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 I agree, no need to talk about it. You'll never get the explanation you want and he is going to tell you that you are too jealous. Let it go. He'll never see her again (hopefully). Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsP Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Check out the most recent Sports Illustrated mag's inside cover ( 12/12/05 with Tom Brady on the front). The ad shows a groom checking out the bustier bridesmaid while at the alter with his beautiful (but flatter bride). Apparently, this is an ad campaign for Ford. Although it made my stomach turn, the company must have tested it with the male SI audience and found that such looking is universal and appealing. If your situation involves "just looking" at least here's an ad campaign that provides confirmation of how many guys are doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 I agree too. Don't put more into this than it's worth. He is married to you, he's not dead in a sense - He can appreciate beauty, enjoy it for what it's worth. You probably wouldn't have reacted or felt bad if the stuff hadn't happened before. Frame of mind is everything and yours at the time wasn't good..Neither was his. Maybe he played it up abit, just to piss you off, I don't know. I honestly wouldn't let this get in the way. we were just coming of a bit of a stupid argument that was just his bad mood starting a chain reaction of misunderstandings over absolutely nothing. This is what you need to talk about...Clear the air then have makeup sex. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 My parents have been married for 45 years. My dad is 75 and I catch him looking to this day. I It's not where his eyes go it's where his body and heart go that matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 I dunno, Jesse. I agree with Slubber. If it made you uncomfortable, why not tell him? To not tell him is hiding and dishonest to some degree. You owe him honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
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