Chaka Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 I wrote a post a day or 2 ago, and appreciate hearing the advice from Tony and ajay. I agree with all you said regarding my "admirer" but disagree with the statement Tony made re: infertility does NOT put a strain on your marriage. Does anyone else feel as I do? I can tell you from my own personal experience that taking hormones, temperatures, having timed sex, meeting with disappointment time and again, and basically feeling like less of a woman (because the infertility stems from me) cannot help but impact your sex life and in turn your marriage. I'm not saying that every infertile couple is on the way to divorce, I'm just saying that it does negatively impact aspects of your marriage. Comments please. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 TONY SAID: "infertility does NOT put a strain on your marriage." What I meant is infertility should NOT put a strain on your marriage. This is something that two people who are married work together with in a loving fashion. Of course, if you have a desire to have it be a strain, that's your choice. The way we go through life is a choice. If people have the desire to strain their marriage, there is a litany of trials and tribulations they can choose from. Sure, infertility is a challenge. Thousands of couples go through it all the time. So is it when a spouse gets cancer, or gets critically injured in an accident...or when a child is five hours late getting home from school. Many married couples go the entire distance in trying to get pregnant and use up all their options, including using a surrogate...before deciding to adopt. I sincerely hope you get pregnant soon. But if you are seeing this wonderful work the two of you are doing as a strain on your marriage, you have the strange idea that we live in a utopia. Make the decision to not think of it as a strain but as something you are working on together. If you no longer love your husband, now that could be the source of strain. Also, stop taking the blame for all this. Your biological situation is something that came with the package. If your husband is being a jerk and not being understanding and patient, give him a piece of your mind. But please be kind a gentle to yourself. Life is full of ups and downs, it just isn't fair a lot of the time. Life can be very painful at times. Decide to make it the least painful you can. I read not too long ago of a lady who worked with her husband six years to get pregant. She was struck and killed as she walked alongside a road in her neighborhood by a 17-year-old boy who sped around a corner and didn't see her until it was too late. Both mother and unborn child died. I'm really sorry I can't explain life very well. But I can say it's very important to look at things with a positive attitude...and be very gentle to yourself always. Link to post Share on other sites
booshe Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 TONY SAID: "infertility does NOT put a strain on your marriage." What I meant is infertility should NOT put a strain on your marriage. This is something that two people who are married work together with in a loving fashion. Of course, if you have a desire to have it be a strain, that's your choice. The way we go through life is a choice. If people have the desire to strain their marriage, there is a litany of trials and tribulations they can choose from. Sure, infertility is a challenge. Thousands of couples go through it all the time. So is it when a spouse gets cancer, or gets critically injured in an accident...or when a child is five hours late getting home from school. Many married couples go the entire distance in trying to get pregnant and use up all their options, including using a surrogate...before deciding to adopt. I sincerely hope you get pregnant soon. But if you are seeing this wonderful work the two of you are doing as a strain on your marriage, you have the strange idea that we live in a utopia. Make the decision to not think of it as a strain but as something you are working on together. If you no longer love your husband, now that could be the source of strain. Also, stop taking the blame for all this. Your biological situation is something that came with the package. If your husband is being a jerk and not being understanding and patient, give him a piece of your mind. But please be kind a gentle to yourself. Life is full of ups and downs, it just isn't fair a lot of the time. Life can be very painful at times. Decide to make it the least painful you can. I read not too long ago of a lady who worked with her husband six years to get pregant. She was struck and killed as she walked alongside a road in her neighborhood by a 17-year-old boy who sped around a corner and didn't see her until it was too late. Both mother and unborn child died. I'm really sorry I can't explain life very well. But I can say it's very important to look at things with a positive attitude...and be very gentle to yourself always. Don't you know what infertility is so important. If you can't make love to the person you love you will go find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 20, 2001 Share Posted July 20, 2001 YOU WRITE: "If you can't make love to the person you love you will go find someone else." There may be some truth to this statement but exactly how does it apply to the above post? People who have infertility problems can make love all day long. Infertility is the full or partial inability to conceive a child. Link to post Share on other sites
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