meltwithme Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Well I met a girl and she seems really nice and interested in me but I’m really scared of getting hurt again. It’s like I want to get back out there but I’m having to risk going through all the pain again. I really like this girl and I’m not sure why I’m worried about it, I think I don’t want to fall in love again right now, it messed with my emotions and my head last time. Can anyone relate to this? If so how did you overcome it? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Work on your self-confidence. Take things slows. Have interest outside of her that makes her have to work a bit to have you. Learn to let go of things outside your control. Stop looking to others for approval - seek it within. Never let your emotions get the best of you. Never, ever need her. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 You're not ready yet for a "Relationship". You're emotionally unavailable to another woman right now but it won't alway be that way. There's nothing wrong with a casual relationship or friends now, it might even do you some good. Everyone here can relate to this, you just need time. Link to post Share on other sites
omegaRED Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Agreed. Just take it slow and easy with her. Don`t, repeat, don`t jump into something serious. But some casual dating can do you some good to atleast get some confidence back. But, be straight up with her about what you want right now. Link to post Share on other sites
countrygrrrl Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I can relate. I have had several opportunities since my husband left me. It as been almost 14 months and he is still the only person I want to be with. I find myself rejecting others because of the fear of being hurt again. I want to move on, but it is so hard. My therapist says take it slow... that I am the only person who can say it's time for another relationship. But, I feel like I am gonna be single the rest of my life. I am afraid of letting someone else get to know me. Mostly, I am afraid that all men are alike . Link to post Share on other sites
omegaRED Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 And, us men can say that all women are alike. Maybe it`s true. But you wont know if you don`t at least try Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I can relate. I have had several opportunities since my husband left me. It as been almost 14 months and he is still the only person I want to be with. I find myself rejecting others because of the fear of being hurt again. I want to move on, but it is so hard. My therapist says take it slow... that I am the only person who can say it's time for another relationship. But, I feel like I am gonna be single the rest of my life. I am afraid of letting someone else get to know me. Mostly, I am afraid that all men are alike . Love is a gamble, a risk. It's no different than playing craps. Like chips, you lay your heart on the table and roll the dice, hoping that the dice land in your favor. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. The only way to find true love to open yourself up to hurt again. It's cruel and unusual punishment, but you're already ahead of the game. You have battlescars and memories of behavior you just won't accept anymore. Sure, you're going to be skeptical of others and that's natural. But you can not win in the game of love unless you're willing to play. There are great rewards awaiting you and yes, the possibility of failure. Just remember, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. You'll come out of this fine if you remember to make your needs #1. Link to post Share on other sites
caring guy Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 I'm a sucker for this too, i jump in, fall in love too soon & when it may be over it crushes me! I feel that i am so used to being in a relationship, i miss that companionship & sometimes we can rush into it. The feeling of never being ith anyone again is horrible. Cali Guy I hear you about not being needy, i was because of my anxiety & i'm scared of being that way again, but 'need' is in so many love songs & maybe we do all need someone to love! Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 When I recall what lead to my unhapiness in the relationship it was my need to be with him, which came from my insecurity. Of course when I was "in it" I didn't see it as being needy. I just wanted to be with him, and the more he pulled away the more I wanted his company and that became "needy". I think it's difficult to be able to see those pitfalls when you are in the throes of a relationship and honestly say "oh I'm being needy here." It's easier to watch yourself when you feel "so-so" about a person, it's the ones that get your blood hot and boiling at the mere sight. You know, when you lose yourself and that's why we say we fall in love. You don't cautiously fall in love it usually happens like wham. All these practical suggestions will be moot at that point because you are " deep in it." You want to be with that person, in every way...and as long as things are smooth and that love is returned you never see red flags, you never backtrack and become cautious and careful again. So unless you remain 'on guard' throughout your relationship you will be vulnerable in the game of love, as you can not control the other's actions. There's no guarantee how anybody will feel about you as a relatiobship will evolve so. That's the risky part about love and commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
caring guy Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 It's not like a job where if you do something wrong & get told off & you learn, you seem to get carried away & get into old ways & as insync says being needy is something you don't wanna but being in love i feel is like that! If you weren't in love, you wouldn't need them! What a great post nsync, a classic that needs to be framed & so true! CG Link to post Share on other sites
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