cplfun13 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 My husband’s dearest friend is a female; they have been friends since 3 grade and are constantly in contact with each other. She lives in another state and we also are friends now. Well last night my husband accidentally slipped about them sleeping together when they lived in the same state. The problem with this is not that he did, but that he has lied to me about that for years. He has always said they never slept together. I am not jealous, worried, insecure or anything like that, I am just flat out mad. I have always trusted in our openness with each other, but now feel that maybe I have placed to much trust in it. Not questioning or doubting. He first acted surprised, "I told you we never slept together? Hmm I don't remember that" of course you don't... I asked why he lied about it and has continued to do so; his reply is "he doesn’t know" How would you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 You just learned about a skeleton your hubby has.. Let it go.. Why make an issue over something that means nothing.. When you asked him years ago you most likely worded it in such a manner that made him believe that you would've been jealous of her if he told you he slept with her.. so he said no to keep the peace. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I would be pissed to. Sentance him to a couple of weeks of nagging, housework, and taking you out for dinner (throw in an opera visit too); but don't sacrifice a marriage because of this. After all (I assume) this was before he even met you. Like Art_Critic said, it is a skeleton in his closet. He feels like dirt because of it, mostly embarassed as well. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 I would be pissed to. Sentance him to a couple of weeks of nagging, housework, and taking you out for dinner (throw in an opera visit too); but don't sacrifice a marriage because of this. After all (I assume) this was before he even met you. Like Art_Critic said, it is a skeleton in his closet. He feels like dirt because of it, mostly embarassed as well. I totally agree with Art and Ultimate !! He feels bad enough let it go and leave it at that !! We all have past but the fact remains you feel betrayed cause he should have told you before now!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cplfun13 Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 I hate being lied to. I know its his past and not a big deal now, but if its not that big of deal, then why do you have to lie about it, at any point? Yes, I am being crabby and bitchy.... Yes, it will blow over and life will go on, but for now I am mad and I get to vent.... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Did he lie early in your relationship? Anyway, I'd let him know that was very low class and that you assume he won't be hanging out with her anymore (assuming you care about that). Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 So no skeletons in your closet? Hmmmm? No 'accidental omissions' at all, nothing you prefer to leave be? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cplfun13 Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 So no skeletons in your closet? Hmmmm? No 'accidental omissions' at all, nothing you prefer to leave be? We all have pasts and a skeleton somewhere, including me. But, if you ask someone a specific question, such as “did you sleep with her"? I have to lean towards slim possibilities of an "accidental Omission" He thought about it and made a choice to lie, for whatever reason. I have been open with my husband even when I did prefer to leave it out or when I was embarrassed of what my answer was. I do see your point that some things can be overlooked, but that does not apply here. I wish it did. I think I am just really surprised about it. Again, it is not that huge of thing, but I don't want it to be completely swept under the rug as if it’s nothing. Does that make sense? Cecelius=that you assume he won't be hanging out with her anymore (assuming you care about that). I have no problem with the friendship, and will continue to support it and be apart of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 I do see your point that some things can be overlooked, but that does not apply here. I wish it did. your making a mountain out of a mole hill.. Cut him some slack...Please.. you are going to do some damage to your relationship over this.. and it just isn't worth it.. Link to post Share on other sites
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