Want to Move FAR AWAY from My mother soooo bad!!!

[ConfusedGal]

Hi all,

 

OK, here is a long one! Another one about an adult woman being controlled and manipulated by her mother. I am 26, married for three years, and am an attorney. My mother previously made my and my husband's life hell. She was so possessive, and anything I didnt agree with her about, would say I had been brainwashed by my husband. Before we were married, she would actually force expensive gifts on my husband, which he didnt want but he would be forced to except out of respect for her. When we first got married, she wanted to know everything, finances etc, his salary...I think I mustered up the courage to tell her she doesnt need to ask all of this. She had a massive tantrum and swung the car, started screaming how I ws brainwashed, how much she'd done for me, and how she was no longer my mother. There were MANY episodes like this. Needless to say, my wedding was a veru unpleasant one with a justice of the peace. My parents were there but very unhappy. My mom actually showed a LIST to my sister in law of all the money she spent on my husband!!

 

Anyways, she made me SOOOO miserable with guilt trips, maniac like episodes, etc for the first 6 months of my marriage, that I actually tried to kill myself. I couldnt handle it any more. I am not proud of this, but that was a breaking point for me. She started being nicer to me after but still indirectly would comment how nothing was her fault.

 

Fast forward now to 3 years after my marriage. She still gets nutty at times, but not as much. Still makes horrible guilt producing statement when we are alone etc, but I have learned to try and ignore, and avoid spending time with her. Anyways, my Dad does nothing cause my mom has way too strong of a perosnality...

 

Her entire life, she has blackmailed all us with her health, saying she had such high blood pressure, the doc said she would die etc. Now she has severe osteoporosis. Though I feel for her, she has started making those same mean and terrible stataments she did way back... My brother lives across the country, so he managed to "escape" and kisses her butt on the phone and visits once a year for 3 days.

 

Anyways, I am so bloody tired of being around her...I mean, I always avoid trying to spend alone time with her because it is SO unhealthy for me... I have wanted SOOOO badly for my husband and I to move to another state farrrr away. Everytime we make that effort, something backfires jobwise and it doesnt work. I have been pushing my husband so hard for us to move, but he thinks I am being a big baby, and shouldnt let it affect me. He is like "well, we cant just pick up our bags and move. We have great jobs and make great money here!" I SOOOO cannot visualize being near her forever...Raising my kids here. Being in the same state, makes me feel so bloody handicapped, like I am 5 years old, like I can never establish my own world and grow up and be a woman and a wife...I know I can get a great job elsewhere, but my husband says he doesnt want to jeaopordize his career. I know that, but I feel so trapped. I KNOW moving far away from her would give me such a new lease on life, but my hubby just things of it as me being stubborn and immature. Please dont tell me to talk to my mom about it... Talking to her makes NOTHING better, especially now that she feels she is so sick and no one loves her etc etc. HELP!

[Christinekalin]

I so know what you mean!! We moved away from my mother for 3 yrs and it really did make a difference. Of course, she will always be in your head, no miles will change that.

It was nice knowing though that I didn't live near her. She never came over or anything but it was nice knowing I had my own life.

 

I am now living with her to save some money and within 2.5 months we have had 3 major fights. I am getting out in the next 1.5 months.

I can't stand it anymore. It's not healthy.

I am here with my 2 kids and husband.

 

Stay strong and tell your husband that its not about being a baby, it's about being healthy in your head.