J dub Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Alright I am sorry I dont know why I waste my time, its painfully obvious you dont want to hear what anyone else has to say unless they are agreeing with you. It seems all you are seeking is permission to do the things you think are right, because you completely ignore anything but OR you have some kind of response that indicates youre not hearing the persons suggestions. Honestly I wish you would reconsider what you are saying because you arent taking the right direction here to better yourself, but I knew you would blow off anything I said by dodging it or having some kind of "knowing" response so ...fine. Its like hitting my head up against a wall. Thats great if you want to argue semantics about what love and being needy are, but essentially its not the words you should be focusing on but the IDEA I am trying to project. All I can say at this point is, good luck. She's not a dog who gets "rewarded" with things when you feel she is ready. she is a human and she deserves to be loved and appreciated and SHOWN that she is both of those. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Contemplating applying NC with my threads then?? :::big huge sigh:::: It is crystal clear that you STILL dont understand the principle of No Contact. Good luck dude, I feel sorry for a girl whos with someone so incredibly stubborn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 Perhaps you don't understand that my intentions are not to push my luck in this second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 whyd she leave you in the first place? Bear in mind, there is such a thing as being TOO Cautious. You CAN make her feel neglected and confuse her to the point of walking away again. Making things too difficult will backfire. But, you dont want to hear it anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 How can I make her feel neglected when she was the one who made the decision to leave in the first place? People break up because they don't want to be around the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 :::big huge sigh:::: It is crystal clear that you STILL dont understand the principle of No Contact. Good luck dude, I feel sorry for a girl whos with someone so incredibly stubborn. I will admit that I am very strong willed man who needs to be broken sometimes. That's fine if I never get any responses from you from here on out. I don't expect any response. I deserve to be ignored forever. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Just because she left you doesnt mean you should limit how much love you allow yourself to feel for her. You still didnt answer my question: whyd you break up in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 We broke up because she could not handle the stress of the intense arguing we had. We argued for like 3 days in a row before the break up. She has seziures and doctors tell her not to get stressed so she had to end it. During those 3 days we argued I raised my voice and hit the steering wheel in anger while we were in the car. So that scared her. After that is when she said we'd be better of as friends. Actually she started NC on me saying that she didn't think it was a good idea for us to talk for awhile and that she would call me or pm me on messenger when she's ready to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 NOW I get it. Youre not limiting yourself because youre scared of giving her too much too soon, there's an entirely different problem going on here. >I even told her that if she wants to meet up with another guy just for sex since I refuse to go that far that I would support her. That was something you said in another thread and now its clear: you dont want to sleep with her AT ALL. Lack of sexual interest is a problem and stems from an array of different situations. Judging by your tone and actions on here, you sound like you may be depressed. I am by far not a doctor but I also recall you saying you cut yourself...I hate to say it but this relationship is going to be a burden eventually because you both have entirely different ideal needs here. Youre not interested in what others have to suggest but rather are seeking support in decisions which youve already made. I sense a lot of pent up problems behind this whole relationship and strongly suggest you look in to professional help. I mean that in the sincerest way. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Ok, playing devil's advocate here: I think it is smart to be taking it slow. BUT.....JDub is right. Withholding and pushing and pulling is TOO much work and TOO confusing....Here is my take. 1) Look at it as a NEW relationship....if you feel like kissing her, kiss her. BUT.....don't be all over her all the time. If the moment calls for a kiss, go for it. Don't hold back.....BUT...don't initiate it all the time. Just BE....... 2) Not sleeping in the same bed....Cuddling/snuggling is NICE...you can cuddle/hug etc...which will bring that spark back...those feelings of LOVE.....without going "too far"........BUT.....not with you being all over her.... just a mutual touch....if it feels right, let it be, hold her...but it's a difference of holding on too tight and all the time......just enjoy the moments without over analyzing......for me it was always ME...seeking out touch, kisses, hugs....NOW........it just happens..naturally and I just go with it...not thinking about it too much. My "thinking" and "keeping things in check" are me NOT reaching out ALL THE TIME....that's what I meant...if we are in the "moment" I just go with it.....(with him showing me, I show back....) 3) You want her to feel "at ease" and feelings of "love' and happiness....not feelings of what the heck is going on......just BE...........when the moment allows or is right, and esp. if SHE is initiating "physical contact/hugs/cuddling" then go with the moment....but don't be pawing away at her(which gets us into trouble...) reach out for her hand on occasion, give her a kiss hello and good bye...things like that....be FUN, be layed-back, be "I'm cool, but loving guy", I reciprocate, but not initiate all the time, guy.....be I am loving and caring, but not overly clingy......don't call all the time, but sometimes if you just want to call to chat, that's okay, BUT....not 24/7......JUST LIKE when dating someone new.....romantic, fun, light, casual, not too heavy too soon. but...some show of affection.....and definitely not some show to NO show.....that is going to scream "I'm still unstable" you need to show you are "stable" and by just going with the flow, keeping busy, not being too stand-offish, just "being" you will show that.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Women don't like to be smothered either. I am proving that I am emotionally independent and don't need her in my life. Women are not attracted to needy men. I think that you are showing her that you are weak not strong.. be a man.. that is what she wants.. By playing the game of "oh no I kissed her and shouldn't have or this 50/50 who calls who crap" you are showing her that you are in deed needy. You are playing games.. stop it..She will lose respect for you if you continue on this path Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 What is the best way to break up with someone? I don't want to be mean about it when I break it off. I thought about just applying strict NC and she'll just go away. I feel I've made a mistake in taking her back. I've been doing alot of thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 The most honorable way is to sit her down and tell her. Once you do, then go into strict NC mode. I honestly believe that is the best way to go about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 The most honorable way is to sit her down and tell her. Once you do, then go into strict NC mode. I honestly believe that is the best way to go about it. I agree with Outcast Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 ?? You lost me, AC Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 What is the best way to break up with someone? I don't want to be mean about it when I break it off. I thought about just applying strict NC and she'll just go away. I feel I've made a mistake in taking her back. I've been doing alot of thinking. Outcast was answering this post.. and I agreed with her Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Oh, I never found the post. I'll search again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 I think I'll wait for her to call me again and then ask to meet up with her and then tell her its over. I'd still like to keep the friendship with her but if she says no then I'll go into strict NC mode. I'll go along with whatever she decides. It's going to hurt me like hell when I make the anouncement but it has to be done. There are no other options. In the meantime I'm going to continue working independently to improve myself. I don't think I'll ever date anyone else. There is nobody else I want nor is there anyone else interested in me. I feel like just crawling into a hole and never coming out. I'm lucky she was willing to try again with me. I didn't deserve another chance. I had the day off work today and its just one of those days I don't want to go anywhere or talk to anybody face-face. I'm not worth anybody's time or attention! God hates me! Lonlieness is something I'll have to get use to. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I don't think I'll ever date anyone else. There is nobody else I want nor is there anyone else interested in me. I feel like just crawling into a hole and never coming out. I'm lucky she was willing to try again with me. I didn't deserve another chance. I had the day off work today and its just one of those days I don't want to go anywhere or talk to anybody face-face. I'm not worth anybody's time or attention! God hates me! Lonlieness is something I'll have to get use to. Are you sure you want to do this ?.. I'm not trying to talk you out of it. I was thinking that maybe something else is going on to make you feel so bad.. Maybe it has nothing to do with her.. are you on any anti-depressants ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 No i'm not on any medication. No anti-depressants. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I was just trying to get you to make sure this is what you want.. that is all.. If it is then pull the trigger on it.. just be honest and respectful towards her Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 I outta call my local police department and see about getting a no contact order on myself so I won't be tempted to call her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 As lost_in_chgo said "don't ever seek advice from another woman on how to fix your relationship with a woman". There are alot of cold hearted women on this darn forum! I won't mention any names because I'm not in the mood to embarass anybody yet! Sex is a privilege not a right. I have not earned the privilege to have sex with my ex. I don't have a right! I'm surprised we made it a month back together. But I'm ending it before she has a chance to again. I'm pulling the trigger when she calls! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 I'm sending her flowers one last time. She enjoyed the flowers I bought her when we met up during the break up for the first time. I did not have to apply strict NC to get her back. I'm not saying the flowers brought her back either! The only regret I have is not buying her flowers that often during the entire relationship. One more order of roses or flowers outta do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Just out of curiousity. I'm taking a survey on how often couples keep in contact with each other. When you were dating your exs or whoever in the past how often would you keep in contact? Did you call each other everyday or every other day or every 4 to 5 days? What is considered a normal amount of contact? And guys, how often did you send flowers to your girlfriends? What is considered the norm? At the minimum how often should a guy send flowers, gifts, roses, etc before he can be sure he has done his duty in the relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
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