Art_Critic Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I'm sending her flowers one last time. She enjoyed the flowers I bought her when we met up during the break up for the first time. I did not have to apply strict NC to get her back. I'm not saying the flowers brought her back either! The only regret I have is not buying her flowers that often during the entire relationship. One more order of roses or flowers outta do it. You need to admit yourself into a mental ward dude.. one minute you are breaking up with her and the next you are sending her flowers.. You are wacked if you think sending flowers is doing any good Do not send mixed messages to her.. Don't send the flowers.. save your money.. they won't have the effect you think they will Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Just out of curiousity. I'm taking a survey on how often couples keep in contact with each other. When you were dating your exs or whoever in the past how often would you keep in contact? Did you call each other everyday or every other day or every 4 to 5 days? What is considered a normal amount of contact? And guys, how often did you send flowers to your girlfriends? What is considered the norm? At the minimum how often should a guy send flowers, gifts, roses, etc before he can be sure he has done his duty in the relationship? I send flowers all the time.. At least once a month if not more with someone that has caught my attention.. My ex wife I bought roses/flowers for at least twice a month for 5 years and I also bought my step daughter flowers all the time too Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Well I'd say 30 months out of the relationship I did not send any flowers. That means I would have to send flowers 30 times this month to compensate for it! Or I could break it down to sending flowers 6 times per month for the next 5 months in order to compensate. That would be true repentance but I don't have a whole lot of time to compensate for the past. If I got started now buying flowers once a day then I'll be all caught up by january 14th. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I thought you were breaking up with her the next time she calls ?? Repentance for gifts ??? your nuts Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 It all depends on how fast I can make up for the past. Now I feel like I have unfinished business! It may already be too late. If she sticks around for the next 5 months then I might have enough time to compensate for not buying flowers as often as I should have in the past! Once I'm finished then it's time to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Arrrrrghhh Damn Me! I Hate Myself! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Sorry guy.. It sounds like you have some serious things going on inside your head.. Maybe someone else can offer you some other advice.. I think I have gone as far as I can.. I hope you figure out what you what from her Peace Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Go for it. Use the NC approach on me. Anybody else want to use the NC approach on me? Going once... going twice... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Go for it. Use the NC approach on me. Anybody else want to use the NC approach on me? Going once... going twice... Come on man.. I just don't know how to help you anymore than I already have.. I'm not doing NC with you..I'm out of ideas.. if someone else can bring some new ideas to the table I'll talk about them with you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I will just say, I think it's time for a therapist. Man, you're ALL over the map here. WTF DO you want? WHY are you playing games with your ex? IF you love her and want to be with her, f**k'n grow up and act mature! IF you don't love her and want to end it with her, then DO JUST THAT. Don't do the s*** you're doing right now. You're being a class A a**h***! Guess now you wanna do NC with me? hehehe... Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Listen sorry you wasted your time trying to help out. That's cool if you don't know what else to tell me. I appreciate your efforts and persistance. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Thats great you think so highly of this lostinchgo dude that you take every word he says as if its a sudden epiphany, but youre losing sight every passing second on what YOU WANT. >As lost_in_chgo said "don't ever seek advice from another woman on how to fix your relationship with a woman". Perhaps what he is referring to is, not to take advice from a female who is not in her right mind from being hurt or decieved? Or how about one who might not have your best interests in mind? You havent taken ANY females insight on here at all and now I can see why: you worship this other guy like a godsend. Whatever he says MUST be the only way to go. >There are alot of cold hearted women on this darn forum If it makes me a class a b.tch to tell you that I think you need some serious mental help, so be it. I dont mind what you think because even YOU dont know whats goin on in your head. >I'm not in the mood to embarass anybody yet Except, apparently yourself. I'm sorry youre so incredibly confused right now with your situation, but I can tell you that flowers wont make up for the past. I wish you all the best of luck, its pointless to continue trying to assist when you think I am out to ruin you. I am most certainly done here, take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Then what the hell will make up for the past? A blood sacrifice on my part? Tell me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Thats great you think so highly of this lostinchgo dude that you take every word he says as if its a sudden epiphany, but youre losing sight every passing second on what YOU WANT. >As lost_in_chgo said "don't ever seek advice from another woman on how to fix your relationship with a woman". Perhaps what he is referring to is, not to take advice from a female who is not in her right mind from being hurt or decieved? Or how about one who might not have your best interests in mind? You havent taken ANY females insight on here at all and now I can see why: you worship this other guy like a godsend. Whatever he says MUST be the only way to go. >There are alot of cold hearted women on this darn forum If it makes me a class a b.tch to tell you that I think you need some serious mental help, so be it. I dont mind what you think because even YOU dont know whats goin on in your head. >I'm not in the mood to embarass anybody yet Except, apparently yourself. I'm sorry youre so incredibly confused right now with your situation, but I can tell you that flowers wont make up for the past. I wish you all the best of luck, its pointless to continue trying to assist when you think I am out to ruin you. I am most certainly done here, take care. You know what? You are just a self righteous stuck up woman. You think you know everything about relationships. You think you are the expert. I wish I had an ignore feature on this damn thing! You know what. I'm going to apply NC on you because I'm sick of you acting like God. I will say one thing. I did get my ex back without taking any advice from you. The hell with you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 What will make up for the past? You make it sound like that my past should be held against me and that there is no forgiveness for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 I'm not breaking up with my ex yet until I know what I can do to make up for the past. I'm trying to make the most of what I have with her. I didn't buy flowers that much before so why won't buying flowers more often from here on out make up for the past??? Anybody got any ideas. I'll apply NC with J DUB after she gives me her "insight" on this business! Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Don't anybody take any advice from JDUB. She just enjoys showing off how much she knows and wants me to believe that she's better than me. She wants me to believe that she has all the answers to relationship problems. She's put me down from day one and she'll do it yet again. She does not have my best interest in mind. She just wants to mock my posts! I notice that she'll pick on me and pick apart everything I say. I don't care if I do get kicked off loveshack for saying this. I'll come under a different name! Gosh I feel sorry for her boyfriend too. I don't blame him for leaving her the first time. I feel sorry for any man who puts up with a stuck up woman like her! Her ideaology is this: "my way or the highway" She tries to convince me that her way is the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Nikita20 Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Grace: Everyone in here is giving you sound advice. You can't take it is because you are seriously confused, hurt, scared and irrational. One moment you want your gf back and the next you want to break up with her. Then you want to send her flowers and the next moment you don't. And, you have these statistical facts and figures brewing in your brain that justify your actions and provide you with answers. This is the wrong way to go. Love isn't based on an equation. It sounds like you don't trust her and are afraid that she is going to hurt you again. If that is the case, then why did you get back together with her? Link to post Share on other sites
omegaRED Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Grace, what`s with the attitude man? People are giving you advice, and you insult them? First off, there`s no making up for the past. The past happened. You cannot change it. The only thing you can do is to make sure the present and the future are NOT like the past. Learn from it, and don`t make the same mistakes. You need to take one step at a time. If you approach this relationship wanting to "fix" the past, you`re not going to have a present, nor a future. You`ll be stuck in the past. Do things because you want to do them NOW, not because you should have done them BEFORE. Second, sex is not a privilege. Sex is a thing both people enjoy. It`s not HER gift to YOU, dammit. If you treat it that way, you`re damn sure you`re putting WAY too much pressure on her. Just get this in your head: Live now, not in the past. Treat her like you believe she should be treated at all times, but don`t try to make up for the past. The past is just that, the past. If you focus on the past, you`re robbing yourself and her of the present and future. Link to post Share on other sites
angel0912 Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Grace This is a forum for people who are currently dealing with breakups and not being able to get their ex's back- so otherwise they probably wouldn't be here. What people tell you is generally sound advice to avoid getting hurt- they play to the worst case secenario because it creates no false hope and generally, in the end, will always work out in your best interest. As for your situation- you want her, you don't want her, you do want her....maybe you should putting your feelings into a word document instead of posting into forums- because I'm with everyone else here- you need to sit down and figure out what you want, but don't do ANYTHING! until then- write down your feelings and read them later, and figure out why you are all over them map.... A note to those who reply- I do have to agree with Grace that sometimes you are a bit harsh- especially when people break stuff down line by line (and i don't just mean JDub- there are several others)- people don't needed it pointed out that something is over, they know....some of these posts are downright and overly harsh- if someone is posting on here, they probably aren't in the best of shape emotionally- im sure none of you were or maybe even are....there is a difference between the truth and being mean...everyone deserves to hang on to a still hope that someone couldn't "just get over them"...for their own selfesteem if nothing else!....of course advice that they aren't coming back and to move on is legit...but come on people, think of how you felt when you got those repsonses and be a little more considerate...the truth hurts enough on its own, no one deserves to have it presented cruelly Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Alright I think I got it now. It's too late to fix the past. It is engraved forever. The only other option I have is to break it off. Since I refuse to forgive her or myself of the past then there's no other solution. I already did make up my mind to break things off but not until I can fix the past. But seeing how that's not possible then there's no reason for us to go on. It will hurt as hell. The sooner I get use to being single the rest of my life the better. I took her back because I did love her and I still do but I'm setting her free. After she calls me and I give her the break up speech then I'll go into strict NC mode if she does not want to keep the friendship. The ball is 100% in her court now. The only advantage of the break up is that I'm free to go back to my self mutilation practices. Besides the self mutilation will help me deal with the loneliness again. I pray that Lord Jesus will take my life from me for it is better for me to die than to live. Jonah felt the same way in the old testament bible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Gosh I'd rather spend my free time here than go out with friends. It actually feels good to be the dumper for once. Maybe she'll chase and beg me not to leave. If she does not come after me then it just proves she does not love me enough to fight for me. Is there anyway for me to get a NC order out on myself? I have not called her yet but I'm tempted. When she said she wanted to try again with me it's not like she gave me a choice anyway. I've come to the conclusion that a guy should spend a certain amount of money on a woman before he should feel entitled to have sex of any kind! If the man does not work hard for sex then he won't have much motivation to buy her gifts and take her out to dinner. Fortunate for me I'll never have to worry about meeting a woman like JDUB because she sets the bar too high on what she expects out of a man. My girlfriend never sat the bar not even nearly as high as JDUB does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 Grace This is a forum for people who are currently dealing with breakups and not being able to get their ex's back- so otherwise they probably wouldn't be here. What people tell you is generally sound advice to avoid getting hurt- they play to the worst case secenario because it creates no false hope and generally, in the end, will always work out in your best interest. As for your situation- you want her, you don't want her, you do want her....maybe you should putting your feelings into a word document instead of posting into forums- because I'm with everyone else here- you need to sit down and figure out what you want, but don't do ANYTHING! until then- write down your feelings and read them later, and figure out why you are all over them map.... A note to those who reply- I do have to agree with Grace that sometimes you are a bit harsh- especially when people break stuff down line by line (and i don't just mean JDub- there are several others)- people don't needed it pointed out that something is over, they know....some of these posts are downright and overly harsh- if someone is posting on here, they probably aren't in the best of shape emotionally- im sure none of you were or maybe even are....there is a difference between the truth and being mean...everyone deserves to hang on to a still hope that someone couldn't "just get over them"...for their own selfesteem if nothing else!....of course advice that they aren't coming back and to move on is legit...but come on people, think of how you felt when you got those repsonses and be a little more considerate...the truth hurts enough on its own, no one deserves to have it presented cruelly I most certainly believe JDUB and several other cold hearted women here use "truth" as an excuse to come down hard. It's all a smokescreen. They want to feel better about themselves by coming down on me. Some of my worst enemies are on this forum and worse than any of my exs. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 I most certainly believe JDUB and several other cold hearted women here use "truth" as an excuse to come down hard. It's all a smokescreen. They want to feel better about themselves by coming down on me. Some of my worst enemies are on this forum and worse than any of my exs. Sometimes, I'm afraid...the truth hurts. Here, on the other hand...I tried nothing but to stand positively for you and offer up anything I thought might help break you free of the emotional turmoil you are enduring. I never meant to hurt you, for gods sakes what would that provide for me? Its the holiday season and I want nothing more than for everyone to be happy. Its what they deserve. Seriously, look back on my posts, all I ever did was try to help. I'm sorry youre not able to see it that way. BTW, I post my responses line-by-line so as to not forget certain points, to highlight others, and to be sure I am making it reader-friendly and not confuse any more than some people already are. Its my style and if you are interpreting it as disrespectful, I think you have me wrongly pegged. For what its worth: when I was going thru my dilemma, it hurt like hell to get the bitter truth in the responses on here from the other LS'ers. But you know what? It helped me face the reality of the situation and stop clinging to false hope. It forced me to see that I was better than that. You see, I NEEDED the slap in the face to wake me up. Therefore, I refuse to provide others with BS. I am not mean or disrespectful and have never intentionally insulted anyone on here. Perhaps you are projecting your own feelings on towards others? I never mocked you Grace, its a shame you are disregarding my responses as any kind of foolery on your behalf. You have me all wrong. Cold hearted? Hardly Link to post Share on other sites
Author grace2005 Posted December 15, 2005 Author Share Posted December 15, 2005 What difference does it make whether it's the CHRIST mas season or not? Why can't you cut me some slack regardless of the time of year it is? Link to post Share on other sites
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