women ending marriages

[Woggle]

I want to be married to someone who puts me second next to God and not below his job, his hobbies, his friends.

 

Are you willing to in return treat him the same way?

[SmoochieFace]

No. It would make you 'trustworthy'. Odd concept, I know

 

That's bulls***. And the sarcasm does nothing to help your position.

 

There are ways of being honest and *trustworthy* without having to be snookered into promises that may or may not be possible to keep.

[SmoochieFace]

Are you willing to in return treat him the same way?

 

Doubt that. She'll put her damn shopping above everything... the husband, the kids, the house, even the friggin' car payments.

 

That's MY experience talking!

[Mz. Pixie]

Are you willing to in return treat him the same way?

 

Absolutely.

 

The man I'm married to now??? He says he's never been treated as well as he has been by me. My exhusband just never knew how good he had it. And I asked so little in return.

 

I am perfectly capable of being a good wife, I did it for a long time. But when you keep talking about what you need that you're not getting and no one is listening you begin to feel that your words don't matter.

 

For the man who tries and tries and tries, I suggest marriage counseling. The man shouldn't wait on the wife to suggest it, it's okay for the man to suggest it if he thinks things aren't working.

[SmoochieFace]

Unfortunately, when women post about legitimate complaints, the Misogynist Patrol leaps on her like lions on a freshly killed antelope. I have called out plenty of women who I felt were being unfair to their men. We do have some LS men who are capable of thinking rather than just spouting bitter man cliches but they haven't weighed in here, unfortunately.

 

And what happens when men post about THEIR legitimate complaints?

[Outcast]

without having to be snookered into promises that may or may not be possible to keep.

 

Typical. Cast blame instead of taking responsibility. Poor helpless boy can't manage to stand on his own two feet so 'gets snookered' ? Give me a freakin' BREAK. What is impossible to keep about sitting and holding someone's hand? Or kissing her? She wasn't asking him to build the freakin' Great Wall of China.

 

Sorry but your little whines just don't cut it here. Quit taking sides just to take sides and engage your brain.

 

And what happens when men post about THEIR legitimate complaints

 

Like what? Got news for ya: 'All women ...bla bla bla' is NOT a 'legitimate' complaint. Wog's got a legitimate complaint. Fine. He got himself a bad deal. But she's not everywoman. I'm sorry he went through that. I've had bad deals too but I refuse to allow myself to fall into the (IMHO) unintelligent trap of characterizing all men by those people's behaviour.

 

However, there does seem to be a lot of men who will promise things endlessly and deliver on none. I'm not talking the ADD sorts here, just regular men like the one Pixie was married to. And Moose defends

[SmoochieFace]

For the man who tries and tries and tries, I suggest marriage counseling. The man shouldn't wait on the wife to suggest it, it's okay for the man to suggest it if he thinks things aren't working.

 

This makes it still sound like the man is the one with the problems... why would the wife suggest it to begin with?

[Mz. Pixie]

Doubt that. She'll put her damn shopping above everything... the husband, the kids, the house, even the friggin' car payments.

 

That's MY experience talking!

 

Smoochie- I'm not sure why you're attacking me when you're upset with someone else but you're dead wrong about me.

 

My husband will call me on his way home- after midnight and say he really needs a hot bath. I will have one waiting on him when he gets home. With a glass of tea and be at the door waiting to kiss him. I do these things because he'll do the same thing for me if I need it. Give and take.

 

I'm not material, never have been. There's not one person who knows me that would accuse me of being that way. As a matter of fact when we were dating my husband would say that his last gf would say she felt that he wanted sex everytime they spent the night together. I was like "Well you only see her once a week right? Of course you do" So, I always joke with him and say, "You KNOW I'm expecting sex tonight right?"

[Mz. Pixie]

This makes it still sound like the man is the one with the problems... why would the wife suggest it to begin with?

 

I suggested it for BOTH of us. I thought there were things we BOTH could work on.

 

What I'm saying is that Woggle said he felt like there were problems so he just gave up- I'm saying he could have asked for counseling.

[SmoochieFace]

Typical. Cast blame instead of taking responsibility. Poor helpless boy can't manage to stand on his own two feet so 'gets snookered' ? Give me a freakin' BREAK. What is impossible to keep about sitting and holding someone's hand? Or kissing her? She wasn't asking him to build the freakin' Great Wall of China.

 

Sorry but your little whines just don't cut it here. Quit taking sides just to take sides and engage your brain.

 

Hey, I don't work that way any more. I don't get conned into anything. Know why? Because I grew a pair after my marriage ended. I quit allowing people to manipulate and use me. These days I will f***in' come right out and say if I can't or won't do something.

 

Unfortunately, there are many men out there who need to learn this. Thank God I did. I even to this day continue to thank my X for that.

[SmoochieFace]

I suggested it for BOTH of us. I thought there were things we BOTH could work on.

 

What I'm saying is that Woggle said he felt like there were problems so he just gave up- I'm saying he could have asked for counseling.

 

Counseling doesn't prevent bad people from doing bad things - Woggle's X would in all likelihood still have s*** on him. He would have just been out some good cash that could have been put to better use if he had done the counseling bit.

[Outcast]

Counseling doesn't prevent bad people from doing bad things - Woggle's X would in all likelihood still have s*** on him.

 

Fine but not all people are bad. Some people do respond to counseling. They are the ones who would otherwise wake up only after the marriage is over. In fact going to counseling separates the good ones from the bad ones. The good ones will work to change. The bad ones won't. That's why I suggest counseling as the step to take before breaking up - it will let you know if you have a good one worth fighting for or a bad one that you're better off to ditch.

[Woggle]

Absolutely.

 

The man I'm married to now??? He says he's never been treated as well as he has been by me. My exhusband just never knew how good he had it. And I asked so little in return.

 

I am perfectly capable of being a good wife, I did it for a long time. But when you keep talking about what you need that you're not getting and no one is listening you begin to feel that your words don't matter.

 

For the man who tries and tries and tries, I suggest marriage counseling. The man shouldn't wait on the wife to suggest it, it's okay for the man to suggest it if he thinks things aren't working.

 

Well at least you are willing to give in return. Many women just see the man as disposable.

 

I wanted to go to marriage counseling but after she cheated it was over. There was no coming back from that. I am glad that you found somebody that makes you happy. I have as well

[Mz. Pixie]

Could be Smoochie, but what I dislike is the mass generalizations. ALL WOMEN are prone to leave for no reason, SHE will put him below her kids, even her car payments?? ALL MEN are cheaters, ALL men are yada yada.

 

Everyone is different.

 

I understand Moose is all about pro marriage and he's coming from a more conservative stance than alot of people are.

 

Moose, what would you say to a preacher who thought I had legitimate complaints and that most of it was his fault? After counseling us both??

 

By that time I was so over the whole thing. I can't even tell you how many times I asked him "Let's go see the pastor, let him help us"

 

"We don't need help" he'd say.

 

When is enough enough?? You may say until death but I'm sorry I just believe that my God wants me to be happy, and sane and for my children to have a sane mother.

 

Couldn't have stayed there and done both.

[SmoochieFace]

Fine but not all people are bad. Some people do respond to counseling. They are the ones who would otherwise wake up only after the marriage is over. In fact going to counseling separates the good ones from the bad ones. The good ones will work to change. The bad ones won't. That's why I suggest counseling as the step to take before breaking up - it will let you know if you have a good one worth fighting for or a bad one that you're better off to ditch.

 

Well, reading up on Woggle's story I certainly would not have wasted any cash on any shrink... instead I would have gladly held the door for the *wifey* and kicked her sorry ass out!

[SmoochieFace]

Everyone is different.

 

I will agree with this, however, the *good* ones are the exception - certainly not the rule.

 

I got very lucky this time around. She is definitely a breath of sweet air.

[Woggle]

Well, reading up on Woggle's story I certainly would not have wasted any cash on any shrink... instead I would have gladly held the door for the *wifey* and kicked her sorry ass out!

 

That is exactly what I did and she got nada in the divorce.

[Moose]

First off, the next person who claims I'm defending Pixie's ex can kiss my behind. Nowhere, no how am I defending anyone! Show me where I am, and I'll eat these words!

Moose, what would you say to a preacher who thought I had legitimate complaints and that most of it was his fault? After counseling us both??

I'd be interested in what he said the appropriate recourse would be. I'd hardly doubt it would be to divorce him. There was no infidelity mentioned, so divorce shouldn't be suggested if it was.

 

The preacher, or pastor should've instructed you to live as a bride of Christ, the rest will fall into place.....if that wasn't suggested, then I'd question your preacher or pastor's relationship with God.

 

There's no doubt you went through a lot of pain and suffering. And you found yourself in a place you no longer wanted to be in.

 

Instead of looking for solace and strength to get you through this, you took the selfish approach and removed yourself from him, and left him on his own.

 

Had you stayed, and been patient, your actions and example could've snapped him out of this immature behaviour, and made him an honorable man, even one who fears God. (this should've been your duty to begin with, since you are a Christian).

 

I'm not defending your ex. He sounds like he was an immature, no good, irresponsible playboy. It sounds like he had very little to contribute to your marriage.

 

But unless he cheated on you, or was a physical threat to you, in my mind, you should've stuck it out. And you shouldn't of expected that you were going to be able to change him. Or that he would change for you.

 

Never think that someone loves you enough to alter their very being for you. When people marry, they better have a good idea of what they're getting into. Did you not?

[Outcast]

Had you stayed, and been patient, your actions and example could've snapped him out of this immature behaviour, and made him an honorable man, even one who fears God.

 

How long, Moose? Ten years? Twenty? Forty? Until her own mental and physical health are in ruins? Is it her 'duty' to give up her entire self for him? Would you do it if the tables were turned? I seriously doubt it.

 

(this should've been your duty to begin with, since you are a Christian).

 

Thank you, Bishop Moose

[EnigmaXOXO]

I got very lucky this time around. She is definitely a breath of sweet air.

 

I love that, SmoochieFace!

 

And it doesn't matter if you think she'll ever grow tired of hearing it … you just keep reminding that sweet lady of yours how much you love and appreciate her every single day.

 

THAT'S what a lot of folks sometimes forget they need to do…

[SmoochieFace]

I love that, SmoochieFace!

 

And it doesn't matter if you think she'll ever grow tired of hearing it … you just keep reminding that sweet lady of yours how much you love and appreciate her every single day.

 

THAT'S what a lot of folks sometimes forget they need to do…

 

Totally agree.

 

Now, excuse me while I play Ol' Blue Eyes' "Tell Her (You Love Her Each Day)" for my .

 

Oh, she won't ever get tired of hearing it... no way!

[seachange]

Smoochie and Woggle: why is it that the women you like are making less of a strong impression on you than the ones you hated? I find this extremely puzzling. For some reason, the women in your lives now, who you love, represent "exceptions" to a "rule", as represented by the wives who done you wrong. Bizarre. I find that to be often true, though, on these boards - people who did the hurting get far more weight as being representative of their gender than people who do the loving. Sad.

 

So, should Ms. Pixie do the same? Should I? My exH cheated, lied, wouldn't go to counseling, wouldn't tell me what was wrong, stayed mum rather than explain what was wrong and then just left.

 

My most recent ex didn't cheat and I would call him honorable, but he did have a problem being straightforward when something upset him and telling me, instead assuming that I should just be able to read his mind. (He basically admitted this; I posted about it elsewhere. Something that was being called a stereotypically feminine behavior, which just cracks me up, it's so not true.)

 

So seriously, I don't get what you all are saying. Why do you think this is gender-specific, rather than just recognizing that you had bad relationship experiences and are now having good ones, and therefore generalizations like the ones you've been making in this thread are complete crap? :confused:

[Moose]

How long, Moose? Ten years? Twenty? Forty? Until her own mental and physical health are in ruins? Is it her 'duty' to give up her entire self for him? Would you do it if the tables were turned? I seriously doubt it.

Maybe you don't understand. Had she lived her life, as a bride of Christ, all joy would've been added to her. That's a promise from God Himself.

 

BUT, we are weak. We as in each and every one of us. It's a good thing God loves us unconditionally. I'm sure Pixie knows we are not without our faults. And our mistakes are forgiven.

 

Please understand, I'm not condemning Pixie. Nobody is perfect. I am saying that if some things were done differently, she very well could still be married to her ex and have a happy marriage.

[Outcast]

Why do you think this is gender-specific, rather than just recognizing that you had bad relationship experiences and are now having good ones, and therefore generalizations like the ones you've been making in this thread are complete crap?

 

May I hazard a guess? The intellectually lazy and non-introspective person will prefer to slot all humans into categories, paint them with a broad brush as all the same, and look at life that way.

 

It takes a lot more thought to deal with complexity than it does to live in a world of broad generalizations, cliches, and myths.

 

Maybe you don't understand. Had she lived her life, as a bride of Christ, all joy would've been added to her. That's a promise from God Himself.

 

Oh bull.

 

Please understand, I'm not condemning Pixie.

 

Yes you are. You're blaming her husband's bad behaviour on her - that he was the way he was because she wasn't 'christian' enough. It's crap, Moose. Funny how women are expected to take responsibility for everybody's behaviour.

 

[Woggle]

The reason my girlfriend represents the exception is because I dealt with so many crap from women before her that when I met her she seemed like such a breath of fresh air. If you think I am a misogynist now you should see some of my early posts before I met her. Even I offend myself when I read them.