SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Smoochie and Woggle: why is it that the women you like are making less of a strong impression on you than the ones you hated? I find this extremely puzzling. For some reason, the women in your lives now, who you love, represent "exceptions" to a "rule", as represented by the wives who done you wrong. My GF is making a strong impression on me - a positive one for a change. All other relationships I have been in have been bad... and that's being considerate. I see this selfish, rude, and condescending behaviour in plenty of other women - I don't need to be *involved* with them to know that they are indeed bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Woggle, actually, I have read them, and I'll agree, it's a relief to see that you no longer feel the way you did then. But see, all of us - men AND women - have had bad relationships in the past. So I don't get the generalizations, unless you want to say most people are heartless, cruel bastards. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 There's a big difference between 'many' and 'all'. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 The reason my girlfriend represents the exception is because I dealt with so many crap from women before her that when I met her she seemed like such a breath of fresh air. If you think I am a misogynist now you should see some of my early posts before I met her. Even I offend myself when I read them. Totally agree and can easily relate too. I was the same way right after my marriage ended and the anger still crops up from time to time - especially when I see and hear the same bulls*** behaviour from other women that was exhibited by my X. I have a co-worker right here in this office that is about the biggest control freak I have ever had the misfortune of meeting... almost as bad as Mommy Dearest. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 ...most people are heartless, cruel bastards. Roll your eyes all you want but I agree with that. Most people are heartless cruel bastards. I'm not even gonna get into that discussion right now with all the bulls*** going on in the world these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Totally agree and can easily relate too. I was the same way right after my marriage ended and the anger still crops up from time to time - especially when I see and hear the same bulls*** behaviour from other women that was exhibited by my X. I have a co-worker right here in this office that is about the biggest control freak I have ever had the misfortune of meeting... almost as bad as Mommy Dearest. Quite honestly I am almost starting to blame the men for putting up with it. I see men putting up with crap that I would never put up with. Uf men start respecting themselves then in turn they will find a great woman or be happpily single. I found a great woman but I would be happy if I didn't. Many women these days disgust me but men are the ones that need to stop putting up with their crap. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Quite honestly I am almost starting to blame the men for putting up with it. I see men putting up with crap that I would never put up with. Uf men start respecting themselves then in turn they will find a great woman or be happpily single. I found a great woman but I would be happy if I didn't. Many women these days disgust me but men are the ones that need to stop putting up with their crap. As I said earlier, the best lesson I have learned is to grow a pair and have self-respect. I will never allow myself to get tangled up in the bulls*** I had during my marriage again. It is a two-way street, no question about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 As I said earlier, the best lesson I have learned is to grow a pair and have self-respect. I will never allow myself to get tangled up in the bulls*** I had during my marriage again. It is a two-way street, no question about it. That's exactly what I did. I grew a pair and realized that if a woman wants my love she has to be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 OK, could the Misogynists' Club take their rants to their own thread for once? It's so tiresome to see every thread hijacked by this junk. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 OK, could the Misogynists' Club take their rants to their own thread for once? It's so tiresome to see every thread hijacked by this junk. What the hell is so *misogynistic* about standing up for oneself, being a confident man, and not taking bulls*** from PEOPLE (not just women)?! Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Quite honestly I am almost starting to blame the men for putting up with it. I see men putting up with crap that I would never put up with. Uf men start respecting themselves then in turn they will find a great woman or be happpily single. I found a great woman but I would be happy if I didn't. Many women these days disgust me but men are the ones that need to stop putting up with their crap. This is so bizarre to me. How do you respond if I reword like this? Quite honestly I am almost starting to blame the women for putting up with it. I see women putting up with crap that I would never put up with. Uf women start respecting themselves then in turn they will find a great man or be happpily single. I found a great man but I would be happy if I didn't. Many men these days disgust me but women are the ones that need to stop putting up with their crap. I think they both sound like a bitter, unhappy person who's been disappointed in love and is trying to project that unhappiness onto 50% of the population. Come on. It's ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 This is so bizarre to me. How do you respond if I reword like this? You are looking at it from a woman's perspective and I am looking at it from a man's perspective. Both versions make some sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Oh bull.Well, it probably is to you.....Yes you are. You're blaming her husband's bad behaviour on her - that he was the way he was because she wasn't 'christian' enough. It's crap, Moose. Funny how women are expected to take responsibility for everybody's behaviour.You're not reading the entire thought in my post. You're picking out that which benefits your arguement. That's ok....I know how that works..... I don't deserve my wife. At all. The first three or four years of our marriage was a wreck thanks to me. I was out all the time. Drinking, dancing, flirting, (never slept around).....we seperated for about three months, and all the while, she was home, cooking cleaning, changing diapers, fixing my meals. She stayed true to her faith, and lived as she was instructed. And I thank GOD each and everyday that she did. She couldn't change me, and I didn't want to change. Then my overdose happened, and boy......talk about a wake up call....I believe God allowed that to happen to reward my wife for her patience, and to teach me how fragile I really am. I still feel guilty, to this day that I put her through all of that. But she forgives me, as does God. She'll tell you as she's told several others that she stuck by me because it was her job to honor the vows she made before God. It was tough, but through God, ALL things are possible. This is why I think Pixie's situation could've been different. These are my experiences, and where I do believe I have a little bit of insight in the matter. Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 You are looking at it from a woman's perspective and I am looking at it from a man's perspective. Both versions make some sense. I edited my post to show my true perspective - it's at the bottom of that last post of mine. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 This is so bizarre to me. How do you respond if I reword like this? The concept of *putting up with crap* isn't gender-specific. It works both ways... with guys being nutless wussies and not standing up for themselves and turning into basket cases when the women leave them AND women being dumb enough to fall for the playuh antics over and over again and subsequently whining about how there aren't any *decent* guys left. Such bulls***. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 She'll tell you as she's told several others that she stuck by me because it was her job to honor the vows she made before God. It was tough, but through God, ALL things are possible. This is why I think Pixie's situation could've been different. These are my experiences, and where I do believe I have a little bit of insight in the matter And the mistake you make is thinking that every situation and every person is identical to you and yours. You're lucky she stuck by you, yes. But she saw that you'd be a good guy if only you got your shxt together and you did. Some of these guys haven't got any shxt to get together. They're just not good persons. Or, rather, they are so self-involved that they will never be repaired. They aren't alcoholics who are decent underneath. They are just not good partners. There will be no redemption. Some people never ever get their acts together, Moose, and you do people a disservice by insisting they are to blame when it's their partners who are the problems. You took responsibility for your issues. These guys are not, have not, and will not because alcoholism is a much more visible recognizable problem than is selfishness or narcissism or laziness. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 The concept of *putting up with crap* isn't gender-specific. It works both ways... with guys being nutless wussies and not standing up for themselves and turning into basket cases when the women leave them AND women being dumb enough to fall for the playuh antics over and over again and subsequently whining about how there aren't any *decent* guys left. Ah but Moose will tell a woman to 'put up with crap' until the end of her days because God wants her to Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 The concept of *putting up with crap* isn't gender-specific. It works both ways... Such bulls***. Now on this we can agree! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Ah but Moose will tell a woman to 'put up with crap' until the end of her days because God wants her to Nice try but no bite... I won't fall for the *religion* bait. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Ah but Moose will tell a woman to 'put up with crap' until the end of her days because God wants her to I never said that either. If you're a Christian, it's clear what your job is. But LIKE I SAID BEFORE, we ALL make mistakes. Whether it be not sticking to your committment, or getting married to a person like that in the first place. Your problem, Outcast, is you're trying to place blame, (so are others) everyone needs to realize, there isn't an innocent party in this. Two people make vows in front of each other, and God too, (if you believe in Him), it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 First off, the next person who claims I'm defending Pixie's ex can kiss my behind. Nowhere, no how am I defending anyone! Show me where I am, and I'll eat these words!I'd be interested in what he said the appropriate recourse would be. I'd hardly doubt it would be to divorce him. There was no infidelity mentioned, so divorce shouldn't be suggested if it was. The preacher, or pastor should've instructed you to live as a bride of Christ, the rest will fall into place.....if that wasn't suggested, then I'd question your preacher or pastor's relationship with God. There's no doubt you went through a lot of pain and suffering. And you found yourself in a place you no longer wanted to be in. Instead of looking for solace and strength to get you through this, you took the selfish approach and removed yourself from him, and left him on his own. Had you stayed, and been patient, your actions and example could've snapped him out of this immature behaviour, and made him an honorable man, even one who fears God. (this should've been your duty to begin with, since you are a Christian). I'm not defending your ex. He sounds like he was an immature, no good, irresponsible playboy. It sounds like he had very little to contribute to your marriage. But unless he cheated on you, or was a physical threat to you, in my mind, you should've stuck it out. And you shouldn't of expected that you were going to be able to change him. Or that he would change for you. Never think that someone loves you enough to alter their very being for you. When people marry, they better have a good idea of what they're getting into. Did you not? I didn't expect that I would change him Moose, but the person he showed me in the beginning while we were dating wouldn't have even thought to take me for granted. He MADE me think it was going to be a different way and then once we'd been married for a few years he changed the rules on me. I didn't change, he did. We dated for five years and no where in that time did I ever get a whiff that he would take me for granted like he did. Bottom line is he thought he had me, he thought I would never have the guts to leave him or that I could never financially leave him. He thought I had to take it. No, the preacher didn't want me to divorce him but he wanted to sit down and counsel with us. He told my exhusband that he'd failed in his duties and had not been a Godly husband or the leader of that family and that he would have to answer to that from God. He told me that he could certainly understand how I was emotionally empty because I had one of the worst childhood stories that he'd heard in his 20 years of pastoral counseling. He told me he could totally tie into how the way my exh treated me was just like my abusive mother treated me. I tried leading him as a bride of Christ. The problem was he had confessed he was a Christian to be before we married and he had shown me that he was. Yet, I was the only one to take the kids to church week after week. You said my actions "Could have" snapped him into wanting to do right. I'm to base my future happiness on COULD HAVE?? Perhaps you're noble and moral enough to do that Moose, but I'm just not. I figure 13 years was long enough for someone to show me that they wanted to work on a marriage. You are certainly right that I did a selfish thing and removed myself from him. I certainly wasn't going to stay around and beat his head against a brick wall the next time he promised he would try to do better and didn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 you're trying to place blame Um. No. BRAAAAT. Try again. I'm saying she tried all she could and was right to give up. She's a case out of the ordinary, IMHO. They spent five years before marrying getting to know one another. There shouldn't have been surprises afterward but there were. So you make a bad choice, you're not condemned to live with it forever IMHO. But she had every reason to believe she'd made a good choice. Not her fault if the guy turned into a lemon. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Thanks Outcast. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Um. No. BRAAAAT. Try again.Please, Im 38 years old, surely I don't qualify to be a, "brat". Funny how women are expected to take responsibility for everybody's behaviour / It's just men ganging up on women. / However, there does seem to be a lot of men who will promise things endlessly and deliver on none.There, I tried again....... Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Please, Im 38 years old, surely I don't qualify to be a, "brat". There, I tried again....... hee - I think the infamous internet misunderstanding strikes again. Moose, I think she was imitating the sound of a buzzer, not calling you a name. There really ought to be an icon for that - except, like lindya said in another thread about a crying icon, we'd all get sick of the sight of it... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts