Any advice would be awsome.

[journey05]

I recently...about a month... went through a "seperation" with a woman I have been involved in for 3 years. We were really in love and things were good for us. She always had control issues and feeling like she was caged though. I hear from her fam she has commitment issues. I do not blame her.

Anyway we really were very suprised at how much we loved eachother...she was the first to say it.

 

We had knocked heads a few times and after 4 months she wanted to end it. I came back 4 days later with flowers and things were great after that. She told everyone I was the one she could marry and all lovey.

Then she got pregnant. I was there for here and told her things will be fine. We stayed tough and made it..Then I got deployed to Iraq 5 months later. Sucked!

I worried about her and the baby day in and day out for 10 months. We sent e-mails of how we were doing and how great things would be when I got home.

 

Things were awsome when I got back for a bit.. Then we really started going at it. Fighting and Picking and blaming eachother for everything. I started to get paranoid and thinking she was cheating and didn't love me. I wasn't myself when I got back and pushed her and our son away.

We broke up about 3 times within the year and I always came back saying things will be fine we just need to be this and do that. She always took me back but the cycle of fighting continued after a week or more. We had our good times though.

 

Last month we got into it again over something retarded and I said, as I have before, "I'm done." She said fine whatever and told me she did'nt want this anymore either. I went along with it but didn't really mean what I was saying.

She said for me to have no hope of us getting back together and that the relationship was holding her back and she had to be "free".

 

She wanted to see a counsillor after our last breakup but I never ended up going. Guess I was afraid of what I would find in myself. She ended up going herself though. I started to go to one about a week after I moved out. I wish I had done so earlier..its helping. I really love her and I know she really loved me too. She was just talking about more kids, marriage and a home about 4 months ago and now here we are... apart..

 

She wanted to hang out out on sunday with our son and asked if I could take her to work..I did. When I picked her up it was too late for him to go out and then she asked if I wanted to get a movie. I of course said yes. We got back to the apartment ,she then said it was getting late and was too tired to watch it. She then reminded me that she had no intent on recindling any feelings for us. After I brought up our relationship..again! Bad move on my part.

 

She called me tuesday and said that she didnt want to hurt me and wants us to be friends for our sons sake. Then she mentioned she doesnt always make the best decisions. I havent called her or talked to her since.

 

Im kind of upset with her because I feel she did not really support me when I got home..Like she didnt want to deal with my "baggage". I miss her and I really miss my son. I will of course have to talk to her to arrange plans to see him and be with him. I'm not sure what to do from here. I WILL Support them but I guess I need some advice on how to go about doing what would be best to try and get my family together.

Should I maintain a degree of N/C with her??

Any help would be great right now.

Thanks

[journey05]

I know its a long post but I had to get it all out there. I would like some input on this though.

[scruffles2121]

I believe you need to have some contact with her, for the child's sake! The best thing you could do, in my opinion, is to be considerate of her feelings, and supportive of the child. Any relationship requires a degree of friendship anyways, so atleast you will have that. As far as trying to get back with her, I suggest you let it go for now. I would not bring up, hint, or otherwise show any inclination that you want her back. Just let her know you appreciate the friendship, and you want to be there for your child. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT use the child as a means of getting close to her, or tracking what she's doing, etc. etc. Only call and arrange visits for the purpose of actually doting on the child. Try to move on with your life in the dating arena, and take time to rejuvinate yourself.

Down the road, if you and her do get back together, or even consider it, I would suggest couples therapy.

Best of luck to you!

[journey05]

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Well, I saw her this weekend to hang out with our son. She was all moppy and was asking me my plans for tonight ya know where...with who.

I saw her saturday night agin so she could see our son before the morning.

Any way she wanted to know if I wanted to go to atoy store with her and pick up some toys for our boy... I said sure.

 

Well yesterday she calls and said said she was too sick to go. She was sick because our son had been sick for a bit too. I said ok thats kool but I had to pick up some of my stuff anyway. I hadnt called her for about 4 hours then she called wondering if I were still coming over...within the message she asked if I could get her a cup of ice on the way.??ok??

 

So I called back a bit later and asked her when her parents were dropping off our son. She said later. So I drove by and of course I picked up the ice for her....I care....and my stuff then was on my way out to see our son at her parents. Then she said.."hey um...can you do me a favor....oh nevermind nevermind..".

 

I said what is it? She said well..could you rub my back??? I was like whaaaa??? She saw my reaction and was like " OH Forget it and did the whole eye roll thing. Then I said ok fine its cool. I did it for about a minute and asked "all better?" I got up and walked out saying hope you feel better.

 

It caught me really off gaurd. Its been a month and 2 weeks ago I tried to do that and she was like "NO"! lol. Women. Hope I didn't foul up.

[journey05]

Well. shes been calling me alot this past week. I didnt answer but she left voicmails. Asking how I was feeling, she heard I was a bit sick, telling me I had mail, which she never did before. She called me the next day for some help.

She asked if I wanted to come over and help I said Id do it over the phone. I talked to her a bit the other night after she left those messages I kept it short and positive and I was the one to end it.

She called me back like 5 minutes later asking about cd's I said I hadnt seen them and again said Ill see ya and hung up( being polite). Then like 5 minutes later she called back again about the cd's only this time she kept it short and did the hang up...women are a wonder.

Anyway a week earlier she didnt call and I didnt either..so why is she calling now?

Just wanted to see a second opinion.

[CaliGuy]

It's obvious she wants you in her life, but don't accept being friends. That's not what you want, right?

 

I hate to say this, but play the game. Be a little distant and don't always be at her beck and call. You're doing the right things.

 

I do want to give you some advice. Work soundly on the issues that caused the demise of the relationship. Don't concern yourself too much with her, focus on you and what you might have done to let things get this way.

 

That way when you do get back together you'll be much better off and enjoy a better relationship. For your son's sake, I hope things work out. For your own sake, I hope you do improve where you can.

 

There is hope, just don't be in a hurry to go right back where you were or you'll end up right where you are now, again.

[journey05]

Thanks for the reply man...Trying to figure out how to show her that well here I am that man you love but not fall into that friendship ring.

[CaliGuy]

Thanks for the reply man...Trying to figure out how to show her that well here I am that man you love but not fall into that friendship ring.

Don't accept crumbs if you want it all. Walk away, head held high, if you feel you deserve her. Women can sense when men feed off the bits and pieces of attention they give them. They use that power to hold you close (men do this too) so you're there when they need you but hey, most of the time, they don't.

 

I'm not accepting what little attention the ex might throw my way. She doesn't want me and I do not accept just being a friend. We're at an impass. I'd rather move on and invest my time in someone that does want me than someone who doesn't.

 

Pretty simple concept.