forkedpath Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 THE CRUSH ok, the story goes i met my girlfriend years ago through an art site we were both on, through about a year of chatting, it became apparent that she was falling for me in a pretty terrifying way, and i felt responsible for her feelings and wasn't sure i could reciprocate, but when the opportunity came for us to meet, i couldn't resist, and when we did I found that I loved and cared for her more than i had let myself say or beleive THE MEETING At the time we met she had just turned 17 and i was 19, she was an uncommitted jehovah's witness and i had been raised in a pseudo-christian cult so i could relate to the mentality. When it was discovered that she'd spent a week with me, she was ejected from the witnesses and her friends and family unconditionally turned their backs on her leaving her completely devastated. She'd been working full time for years and was able to move out and live on her own, but relied exclusively on me for all her emotional support and care. I tried my best but a lot of the time I simply wasn't up to the task of this great responsibility that had appeared before me, but I wasn't about to run away. THE BEGINNING While all this happened, i remained for her, calling me at 5 o'clock in the morning every night for hours on end as i tried desperately to hold both of our lives together, and become all the things that she had lost, parents, friends, confidentes, and be a good boyfriend. In the initial stage I told her i wanted her to see other people (even though i knew it would kill me) so that she could have a real person there for her and for three months she did just that, calling me every night to recount the details as i gritted my teeth and never touched another girl. After three months she came to england and how much I had put myself through for her seemed to dawn on her. This was the start of our exclusivity THE AFFAIR after a year or so of back and forth we lived together every day for 6 months and things were far better than i ever expected, we talked about a paper marriage to allow her to work in the UK, and at the end of her 6 month visa she returned home to begin the process. When she got home however, she was confronted with her grandmother with whom she was very close, in the final stages of a battle with cancer. And her imminent and inevitable death broke something inside my girlfriend, overnight, she reverted to being a teenager incapable of dealing with her emotions, and resorted to working 12 hours a day and being a shameless drunken fool 12 hours a night. Within two weeks of this, she started to spend as much time as she possibly could with a guy who she said had a crush on her. I could smell infidelity in the air, but I trusted her honesty when she said nothing was hapenning, put her behaviour down to the weighty situation she was in, and dealt with the torture of my instincts and her unfamiliar coldness for two months, while she got drunk and partied every night with this guy and his friends, as her grandmother withered away. She even went to a party and got blind drunk the night of her funeral. THE PRESENT She came back two weeks ago for 10 days. On the second day, she told me what i knew all along, she had slept with him and they had been dating regularily. In fact she would often be on the phone with me while at his house and tell me she loved me in front of him. She didn't tell me the truth because she knew i'd leave her, and she didn't want that, so instead she put me through 2 months of emotional hell, lies, depression and insomnia, so that when she did tell me she would have 10 days where she was present for us to "work it out" during which she was so sure she would have ample time to make up for everything. She bought me a ticket to go over there on christmas eve, to continue our peculiar relationship, and she seems certain that i will. WHY THE F**K SHOULD I?? I mean I love this girl dearly, but the person she became under pressure disgusts me. And the person that she seems so adamant to want to remain is someone i wouldn't even think of being friends with...? I even had to explain to her why she has to remove herself completely from this guy's life both for his sake, and mine... she VERY begrudgingly accpeted, and only half-heartedly delivered. WHY DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT? I didn't deserve this, I love her dearly, but I'm just about ready to deal with the loss of 2 years and move on. Please for her sake, somebody stop me. I can't leave her the way i found her... but I just don't know what the f**k to do. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 hey forked man, please don't use that ticket. if you do, in a year's time you'll be back on here asking why the f*ck you let two wasted years turn into three. this woman isn't your child. you don't become emotionally responsible for someone when you share a path for a while. it's hard not to do that, given her circumstantial vulnerability. it's hard to realise that her happiness is her own responsibility, but that's the truth. it seems that you want different things, and are at wildly different levels of maturity. if you want to move on, believe in that. it is the right choice for you. don't be fooled that cheating on you and concealing it from you was the wrong choice for her. it wasn't. she could have acted differently and she made a positive choice not to. it highlighted that she's not a keeper. that was a good thing to discover. it frees you to find what's right for you. character reveals itself under pressure, forked. that's when you know if you've got a diamond or not. it's easy being nice when the stakes are low. explain that you wish her well, remain friendly towards her by all means, but disengage yourself, emotionally. this isn't the path of true love. this is someone with an understandable level of emotional f*cked-up-ness, looking for something you can no longer provide. you love her - i think you probably do given the level of care and understanding you've shown - but it's time to move forward. don't use that ticket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author forkedpath Posted August 11, 2006 Author Share Posted August 11, 2006 i forgot to reply to this oh so long ago, but for anyone who's interested, in the end i did use the ticket after a month of 100's of calls and e-mails i refused to answer... but only to be there in person to end everything, tie up loose ends and say goodbye. The subsequent emotional withdrawal was unbearable for me at times and made worse by the fact that she really refused to accept our relationship was over and that she needed to disappear from my life... after two months of as few answered calls and e-mails as i could bear, i told her that i'd met someone and that i was going to pursue it until that person left the country (a month away) and that if she was willing to accept that i needed to do this in order to no longer feel like a victim of my own kindness, without retaliating herself, then that would be the first step in re-establishing some kind of trust between us. needless to say she was unable to do this and a few weeks later she informed me that she had begun a (laughably retaliatory) relationship herself. And i'm glad to say, I didn't care Link to post Share on other sites
Rikka Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 YAY! I am glad for you. You sound like an amazing person and you deserve happiness. I am glad you made the right choice for you, and it sounds like things are going just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Volverte_a_ver Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 Wow, I'm glad you ended that relationship, it really was not healthy and from the sounds of it, you deserve much better! Link to post Share on other sites
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