crazigurl4lyfe Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 See, i can't really control my feelings and i'm bi... and i don't know my mom found out and i'm only 14 so they can still tell me what to do, but like i lean more towards girls than guys i'm not sure why it just happened.and now my parents are like really mean to me. And my dad got drunk the one night and called me a ****in' lesbian and ****. and b/c i'm bi they keep throwing me out of the house and stuff... does anybody have any advice on how i can explain to my parents w/o them kicking me out... ~*Heather*~ Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Crazigurl4lyfe: Wow! I'm sorry that you are having such an awful time growing up. I'll be frank, because it seems to me that you've are pretty aware of what is what. I think that the news of your sexuality was a surprise to your parents. I really don't know how I'd react (I'm a mom of a 21 yo girl and a 19 yo boy). I would probably be surprised as well, BUT I will ALWAYS love my kids. Does your dad get drunk often? If that is the way he handles stress, then he probably doesn't have his own life figured out or he's not happy with it. Your mom may or may not be much different than he. What happens to "warrant" them kicking you out? When they kick you out, do you have an aunt or trusted friend that you can stay with? Yes, since you are 14, they can tell you what to do. They are responsible for you until you are 18. If you get into trouble, they will be accountable in some form or another. With that, I wonder WHY they would kick you out. It seems to me that if I'm responsible for someone, I'd want to know where they are and what they are doing. Anyway . . . My best suggestion to you is to stay in school, stay out of trouble, talk to a teacher that you trust. You will have your whole life to be distracted by other activities. What you need are the building blocks to your future first. You need to stay in school so that you can get a job, eventually, and be able to support yourself so that you can be on your own. If your home life is not conducive to that, arrange to spend time at a family member's home (or library) after school so that you have peace and quiet to study. Ask about counseling through school. Even if they can't help you with family issues, they should be able to give you resources and places to call where you can get professional answers. Edited to add: I think your parents might need a little time to absorb the information. So, be patient. But, I don't agree with the manner in which they are handling it. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 There may be a GLBT teens group in your area. If you're not in an ultra-Christian school, ask your school counselor for a referral. Or check out this list of links of resources for teens - you may find a local or online group for support. http://www.dv-8.com/resources/us/local/youth.html Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazigurl4lyfe Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 yeah um... my parents get drunk like every weekend, i'm kinda used to it, it's been that way since i was like 2 years old... i raised my siblings so... and also i'm a straight 'A' student in school, i have no intentions in quitting school... Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Honey, I am sorry, It must be tuff..... Is there any other family member close that you could stay with? I know it must emotionally hard not knowing if you are going to get thrown out of the house or not from night to night..... Is there any friends you are close to that you could talk to their parents and see about staying with them for a while? I agree with everyone else too, to talk to a counsler at school and get some advice from them, such as some options you have. (((((HUGS))))) to you... Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 yeah um... my parents get drunk like every weekend, i'm kinda used to it, it's been that way since i was like 2 years old... i raised my siblings so... and also i'm a straight 'A' student in school, i have no intentions in quitting school... Awesome, stay in school, it sounds like you are a smart lady..... And also a very strong person, to be able to deal with everything you have so far... Link to post Share on other sites
Author crazigurl4lyfe Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 no, we live in the middle of nowhere so my family members are like waaay down in elevation... and close friends, eh just my g/f and i don't think that'd go over well w/ my parents... Link to post Share on other sites
LifeRealistic Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Best advice, would be to try and ride it out with your folks- get a part time job and save every penny. Your parents might be ignorant :/ They are just as afraid as you -Use your money to move out once you finish school, and go somewhere you can live openly. New York? California? I beleive California once you have lived there 1 year - you declare residency and can go to any state University for FREE! Look into this. Its the most realistic approach. Link to post Share on other sites
Frustrated_in_LA Posted December 23, 2005 Share Posted December 23, 2005 Reading this might help ... http://www.outproud.org/brochure_coming_out.html Its tough when you are having to be the more mature one in your relationships with your parents- its bad enough you are raising your siblings and they drink, now you have to deal with something else - taking care of them, being on guard and careful, planning in case you get thrown out again. If you are truly isolated, I recommend finding some online LGBT resources- people you can talk to- a hotline or community of friends who will know where you are and can call for help if necessary. In some cases, you can declare emancipation from your parents- that means that you will become independent from them legally and financially. You need court approval to do that though and since you are 14 and probably not very independently mobile getting the paperwork and legal assistance can be hard. But, if you decide you really need to get away from your parents, it is an option that is available to you. I agree that you should talk to a counselor at school, but be aware that in some cases, they are not held to confidentiality- they coudl talk to your parents about some things you tell them. Ask the counselor about what sprts of things they would report to your parents and be careful about talking about those things. FYI- Re: moving to california- its not true that you can go to school for free (I live in Los Angeles). But, with grades like yours I'm sure you'll qualify for great scholarships to a school of your choice. In fact, one thing you can talk to your guidance counselor about are whether you can apply and transfer to a private residential school, You'll need to qualify for scholarships to afford it- the counselor should have some info about that too. Typically, you need to write an essay explaining why you need a scholarship and what your goals are (do you want to be a teacher? a doctor? etc.). The process will take a while- maybe a year before you finally can move out. But this way, you can continue your education and have a safe place to live and your parents can be proud of you for getting scholarships and a great education. Re: Online resources, try GLSEN. Good luck and keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
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