headingfor_doghouse Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 my girlfriend and i have been together for two years and two months, and i love her more than anything. when i'm with her, everything just falls right into place and all my worries disappear. it's as if we were meant to find each other. we're engaged and plan on getting married in 2007, and i couldn't be happier about it. my problem, however, is that when my fiancee moved six hours away for college, i suddenly felt lonely, like i needed to have someone there. i made a huge mistake and ended up messing around with a friend (no sex, but fingering and hand jobs involved). this went on for about two or three months, and at the time, i didn't think anything of it since we weren't having sex. then, she came home for a break and i felt the guilt creep into me. i called it off with my friend and we're no longer talking because i realized just how much this would hurt my relationship. right now, i'm sitting here on the verge of tears thinking about what i've done and wishing that i could turn back time and stop myself from being so stupid. what i need input on is this: do i tell her now and risk losing the best thing that's ever happened to me, do i wait a little while until we're planning the wedding to tell her before we jump into a major commitment, or do i keep this a secret and let the guilt eat me alive? i guess i could live with the guilt, but knowing i lied to her, telling her that there was never anyone else, tears me apart. i want to be open and honest, i've always intended to be loyal and dependable, but frankly, i'm scared right now. i'm badly in need of advice. thanks -Zak Link to post Share on other sites
Second-best Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 I don't understand for one, how you could do that to her if you really truly loved her? I get that you understand it was wrong, but what happens later on, say 2,3,5, maybe 10 years into the marriage, if one of you has a business trip or something else, and you feel lonely?? What are you going to do then? Maybe you need to sort out these issues with yourself before you decide to commit to anyone. About whether telling her or not, I truly do believe you should tell her at one point. Before anything else happens would be the best. A LOT of ppl on this forum are going to tell u not to, because they'll see it as selfish... HOWEVER, if you want your gf/fiancee to accept you completely for who you are, don't you think that includes WHAT(who?) you've done??? If she doesn't know the truth, if she doesn't know the whole story, is it really YOU she's accepting? or a PART of you. I would personally like to know ASAP, not right before the wedding, because that would be stress and then an admission of cheating... it would be so much for her to take. I'd say, before either of you dive further into this relationship, you need to tell her the truth... just my opinion... think bout what you want to do. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
ciara12step Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 u need to tell her .. the guilt will eat u alive Link to post Share on other sites
Allalone Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Even when you tell her what you did you will still feel guilty and you know what you should, what you did was wrong and there is no way that you can justify it, just becuase you didnt have sex doesnt mean that you didnt cheat on her, you just cant try and force yourself to believe that face up to what you have done. What my point is that you should tell her and how ever she reacts you cannot judge her as you are in the wrong, If she decides to leave you then you have to accept that but if she decides to give you another chance you will have to do better than your best to earn her trust back, a relationship is based on trust and you broke that when you went with someone else. She trusted you to stay faithful to her and look what you did. Tell her becuase if you dont then she will find out someday and then never give you another chance, its better coming from you than someone else. I hope that you tell her. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitteney Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 What purpose would be served by telling her? Would it be a pre-emptive strike because there's a strong chance the two women might cross paths and your secret will be revealed? Or would it serve only to relieve your own guilt? Just remember, if you tell her, you can't put the meow back into the cat. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted December 12, 2005 Share Posted December 12, 2005 I think you just break up with her. 1) Engaged in college = wishful thinking 2) Young people are not capable of the sacrifices necessary for long term relationships -- it has very little to do with "feelings" of love 3) You cheated because you are a young man with lots of interest in women -- NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, you just shouldn't have a girlfriend -- you are not ready to get married, now or in 2007. Since you aren't old enough to get married and since telling her would wound her anyway, the better course is to just break up with her. Lastly, you must tell her before you get married. People have a right to know if they have been cheated on. Link to post Share on other sites
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