Drea Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 I'm a complete nympho, where I'll go insane if I don't get some from my husband at least once a day. Seriously it's that bad, thankfully my husband doesn't have a problem with it. For the most part we have a great sex life, and one that is outgoing and sometimes crazy. Kinda the willing to do it anywhere we have a chance that we MIGHT not get caught (talk about a complete rush at times!) I also love porno, at least when I watch it with my husband etc. What has been driving me insane is when he plays solo. It hurts and is causing problems in our marriage. We've had heated arguments, talks you name it, about this and he always ends with him realizing just how much it hurts me etc, and promises to not do it again. What do some of you men out there think. If playing solo with dirty magz is getting in the way of in the flesh play with a woman your married to and are in-love with you, would you honestly stop with the solo play, or give it up if you knew it was tearing your wifes heart out each times she finds out? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 Its possible he has an addiction. Not saying he does, but maybe. Also alot of time people that have addcitions, their loved ones feel they are being disrespected by the fact their spouse/so/ wont stop after being asked too. The point is with an addiction most people can't always control/stop it on their own. They usually have to have some kind of help for it. Most of the time too porn isn't the cause, but a symptom of a deeper issue. It may have not started out as an addcition but possibly turned that way. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drea Posted December 9, 2005 Author Share Posted December 9, 2005 While he was still using speed my husband who was a boyfriend at the time would go on his tweeker trips, because he didn't want me around it, and I sure as heck didn't want to be around it. When he would come back he would have a backpack full of magz and lubrication. I'll admit he doesn't do it often, the masturbation to nude pics of other women, but when he does it tears at me. I honestly don't think it's an addiction, but he said he did it last time because he thinks it was when me and him were "bickering" about something. What do you think that means? Is it like an anger thing to get back and me on an unconsious level because he knows how hurt I'd be? I've also explained to him why I blow up so much about it is it also gives me flash backs of when we lived up North when he was still using. He's fully clean now and a loving husband (for the most part) and father to our new baby girl, but because his using lasted into my 6th month of being preg and our little one is now 3 months, the wounds are still pretty fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
travellingman Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 What has been driving me insane is when he plays solo. Would you rather have him find a partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 10, 2005 Share Posted December 10, 2005 You have already asked the question in another thread and, I guess, gotten answers you don't like. You really want people to agree and some will, but the bottom line is that it's not a crime for him to do what he's doing. Why not just take this to the counselor - or are you hoping to have a chain of posts saying 'you're right, Drea, he's a b@stard' to take to the counselor with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 Drea, I don't think ANY man beats off to "get back" at their partner. The very concept makes me laugh a little actually. "Oh yeah? I'll show her...She'll be sorry." *fapfapfapfap* o_O Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 11, 2005 Share Posted December 11, 2005 "Oh yeah? I'll show her...She'll be sorry." *fapfapfapfap* :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 For the most part we have a great sex life, and one that is outgoing and sometimes crazy. Kinda the willing to do it anywhere we have a chance that we MIGHT not get caught (talk about a complete rush at times!) I also love porno, at least when I watch it with my husband etc. So you have a great sex life, doing it almost every night, which means your husband obviously finds you sexy. You enjoy sharing porno with him, which means that he's sexually open to you, and that you're okay with porno per se. Sounds like you've got a way better love life than many - certainly better than mine! Why are you getting yourself so worked up? Let your husband have his occasional 'alone time'. It's normal. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 From what you wrote, I can't tell if you sometimes want sex and he turns you down because he'd rather "go solo" with the help of porn, or if it's the mere fact that he does it at all that hurts you. If it's the latter -- and, maybe, if it's OCCASIONALLY the former -- I can tell you that no matter how much sex a guy gets, he's still going to want to spank the monkey sometimes. If he's not using porn, he'll have a fantasy in his mind, probably about one of the women in the porn. Whacking off gives the release quick and easy like, without foreplay -- and sometimes, for guys, that's all we want. Fish swim, dogs bark, politicians lie, and guys jack off. Link to post Share on other sites
michaelk Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Any man who's only options are "masterbate or cheat" is worthless, and shouldn't even be given the time of day. Really, what other options are there? Are you going to tell your man that he can only have an orgasm when you're involved in it? Please! Have a little more respect for him than that. Link to post Share on other sites
High Contrast Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 Except I have dated guys who have admitted to me that they do this. They use it as a way to express their anger (and every time it was to very woman-degrading, more violent type pornography as well). So maybe you dont do that travelingman, but that doesn't mean that no man does. Congratulations on finding multiple guys more screwed-up than any I've ever met in my long and rather extroverted life. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 15, 2005 Share Posted December 15, 2005 If he's not using porn, he'll have a fantasy in his mind, probably about one of the women in the porn. Exactly. And frankly, I'd far rather he fantasize about strangers than about people from his past. Link to post Share on other sites
Blondie445 Posted December 18, 2005 Share Posted December 18, 2005 I have the problem of my husband using porn everyday. He does not want to have sex but maybe once a week. He uses when I am in the house and when I am gone to work. I want to have sex all the time its not that I am not willing. I have tried talking with him and telling him how much it hurts my feeling he would rather look at the computer than me. I am attractive and in shape and work hard to stay that way. He thinks I am "checking up on him" but he leaves the stuff on the computer and the pop up come up all the time. We have been married for 5 years (second marriage for both, my 1st husband died) I can not seem to get past this and I am really hurt, he told me this morning "Do you want me to leave?" and I replied or you saying you would choose porn over your marriage. I got no reply. All this was after he comes walking out of the bathroom with laptop in hand. He always make me feels as if it is my fault. Help!!! I am depressed I can not believe this. He will not go to counseling. Do all men look at porn several times a month? while their wife is in the house? Am I crazy for getting so upset. Sorry for rattling on this is my first post ever. I hope someone can give me some advice. Blondie Link to post Share on other sites
YetAnotherGuy Posted December 19, 2005 Share Posted December 19, 2005 Do all men look at porn several times a month? while their wife is in the house? Am I crazy for getting so upset. I look at porn about every other day. I do it while my wife is in the house. She condones it. I've done it with her watching, although it doesn't interest her too much. The only time she gets mad is if I act defensive about it. If it's done in the open, she's fine with it. And we have sex a couple of times a week, which seems to be enough for her. So we're both happy. It's great to be with someone who's understanding and accommodating. As for advice on your situation, you're going to find folks here to give you any opinion you'd like. Some will say your husband should give up his porn out of respect for your feelings, or that he has an addiction and needs help. Others will tell you that he's doing what's natural, and that out of respect you should leave him be. There is no agreement on this subject. Just do a search through these forums for 'porn' and read some of the posts. Then decide which point of view makes sense to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Blondie445 Posted December 21, 2005 Share Posted December 21, 2005 Thank you. You show some common sense. I wish my husband was open about things and maybe things would be better for me. It is all his covert activities that bother me. I hate lies! His running norton antivirus everyday is driving me crazy. He thinks this "erases" it from the computer. I am just tired of it. I just can not see what the attraction is, everyday. It just bothers me and I am trying to think what to do stay or leave. It seems stupid to leave over something like this, but it bothers me that much. I think he is a good husband overall. I am trying not to do anything to rash at the moment. I take care of myself and children. I do not receive anything from him, money wise. We live in my house ...I own my own business. So this is a different relationship or second marriage. What I need is emotional support and caring. So his use of porn sends me on a emotional rollercoaster. All I ask of him is this nothing more. This was the deal from the get go. I am not needy but I do like emotional stability and the one on one relationship. This is a all in the head thing I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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