Months of dating and she giving me alot of headaches

[lovers]

Generally she is a good gf sweet and caring, but I just find that most of the time im helping her sort her life out and going out of my way fixing alot of her problems. While she just adds on to mines. Theres always something wrong in her life in regards to adulting stuff. I find that she is irresponsible, incompetent at times, and not independent.

examples include helped her build her furniture get her squared away for her new place but she wants to get everything done in like a day or two. My friend from out of town came and he was kind of enough to come help me build furniture at her place  the evening and next day in the morning. hes staying at my place. Then we done building getting her apartment squared away then I can finally get to hang out with my friend then she wanted me to come with her to urgent care to pop a pimple on her back. She wasn't straight forward with me on that so she was upset I didn't come with her or me being insensitive. For me it wasn't a big deal its urgent care and its a pimple. She said it hurt and it was elective "surgery" they popped it and washed it out so not a big deal. my friend is in town so I want to take him out and not spend rest of his few days here just helping her out. 

Another example is at her new apartment she tells me I can park over night at the visitor parking there shouldn't be an issue. Well I go to my car later I find out my car got towed. Apparently you have to register visitors cars which she didn't tell me about. I take partial blame since I just took her for her word cause its her apartment complex and i would assume she knows the rules. So there was a whole headache with trying to find my car then paying the fee. Then on top of helping out with her car which is non mechanical issue she hit a curb and scratched the paint. There was a scratch on it so she freaking out about that then went  to auto repair wanted me to come with her just driving her around for her tasks. Just alot of misc things helping her out. She was giving me crap about being anxious with airport, about my car being impounded. Im like I am anxious about things that are really important like missing our flight is important, not having my car is important. Worrying about getting your apartment squared away to your liking does not have to be done in one day or anxious about scratch on your car which is not a big deal. She offered to pay half of the ticket which was nice. Always one problem after the next. Then she wants to trade in her car get something less expensive since she splurged on a very expensive car. She is turning 34 and im 32 but I don't find her responsible enough for her age. 

My life runs pretty smoothly usually. I get everything done and don't procrastinate like her. We were teasing each other she was saying something happens I get anxious about it, I think about it alot,  I get it done, then I relax. While I told her she starts off relaxing, doesn't think about things that are important she needs to do, puts it off, doesn't worry about it then she freaks out when its deadline then have me bail her out. Which is pretty true for both parties on how we operate. Is this just normal part of being in a relationship or should I rethink? 

Edited March 12 by lovers

[Wiseman2]

It's only been about 30 weeks dating and it seems like you're incompatible and don't have much respect for each other..

Perhaps it's time to reflect if this is worth the headaches and heartaches or if it's time to cut your losses, set yourself free and be single again? 

[Lotsgoingon]

Your headline is wrong. Unless she violently attacks you or puts a weapon to your head, she cannot give you a headache.

You give yourself the headache.

You do that by not saying no to her, by rushing to help her, by covering from her seeming helplessness and by not having a clear standard of what you expect of a partner. You're not required to fix her messes--and no that is no typical in a health relationship.  YOU have to decide if this person is a good fit for you. But even if you decide she is a good fit, you have to stop all the rescuing and fixing and covering and cleaning up of her messes.

Her messes show exactly where she is in her life. She's not going to get better or be different any time soon. Your situation is typical for (I'm gonna guess here) maybe a quarter to a third of young people. But no, this is not typical for a mature relationship. Yes, you will have to resolve differences in a healthy relationship, but the differences won't be that one partner is competent and the other a clueless mess.

You need to screen next time for level of functioning and independence. Usually we learn to screen better because of experiences like this. 

Change (on the part of someone like your gf) requires massive,  massive effort, sustained over years. Change requires the person to start with a deep awareness. She doesn't even have the basic awareness.

The question is always this: assume she won't change--which is the case.   Yes or no? Do you want to be long-term with a person like this? You probably need someone more chill than you are--but someone who is competent and chill. 

 

Edited March 12 by Lotsgoingon

[ExpatInItaly]

She sounds rather irresponsible and immature. 

It's one thing to request a partner's help with certain things. It's another to expect that partner to parent you. I would reconsider whether this is actually a good fit for you, relationship-wise. 

[d0nnivain]

11 hours ago, lovers said:

 Is this just normal part of being in a relationship or should I rethink? 

It's a bit much so yes you might want to rethink.  At minimum you can't take her word for things; you have to double check.  Second you need to learn to say no.   If she's going to buy furniture that has to be assembled she should be able to assemble it.  It was wonderful of you & even more so your buddy to help but her apartment is her responsibility.