My boyfriend won't stop talking about my weight

[Jennifer]

My boyfriend won't stop talking to be about my weight even though I'm not fat! Okay, I admit that I don't have a figure like Julia Roberts and I would like to loose a few pounds but I look good and am an attractive woman.

 

One time he thought he was helping me by reminding me that I took a big piece of pie for dessert when we were at my grandparent's house for dinner, but I kind of got upset and told him I didn't like to be nagged or reminded when going out places for dinner because I like to enjoy my food. He told me that when I tell him not to eat certain foods he is happy because it shows I care about him, but it is different with men, isn't it?

 

He promised then to never to comment on my eating habits again unless I asked his opinion.

 

A last weekend I went away for business and at the airport before leaving he said don't pig out too much. This really hurt me and when I was alone I ended up doing exactly what he told me not to do: pig out in a restaurant because I felt bad.

 

Ever since I've been back we've gotten into lots of little arguements. Yesterday I told him I didn't mind if he talked about certain things, but the weight topic was "out-of-limits" because it only made me upset even if he thinks he's helping me.

 

First thing this morning before I had to leave for work he calls me up to tell me he was thinking about what I said about the weight thing and he was concerned about it because once I had said in defense that I didn't care if I gained weight because he should love me for who I am.

 

He said just for the future (if I become fat) that he isn't attracted to fat women and I told him to please drop the subject because he was starting to upset me.

 

He kept going on and on about it until I got so nervous that I just hung up on him and burst into tears. I was so upset that I lost my appetite and felt sick to my stomach.

 

My sister didn't know what was wrong with me and when I told her she wanted to call my boyfriend up to give him hell. This ruined my whole day.

 

I just don't understand why a man would be so obsessive about my weight. How can I convince him that what he is doing is destructive and undermining to my self-esteem and that he is NOT helping me???

[Tony T]

Your post indicates you do a lot of emotional eating.

 

I think your boyfriend is cruel and insensitive and should not make these kinds of remarks.

 

Enter a structured weight loss program as soon as possible. She the pounds necessary to achieve a target weight for your age and height through the prescribed diet and exercise called for by the program you enroll in.

 

Once you have achieved your ideal weight, shed your boyfriend as well.

 

Weight gain is a vicious cycle and you are smack dab in the middle of it. Don't let these remarks by this butthole guy of yours cause you to slide more into an obesity that will threaten your life, causing you to be more susceptible to diabetes, cancer, heart disease, sleep disorders, etc., not to mention becoming unattractive to yourself and others.

 

You may need counselling if your eating is caused by a psychological disorder.

 

Do whatever you can to control your eating and your weight. Don't eat because you are depressed or pissed at your guy. Once you have gotten to your ideal weight, you'll have lots of fun getting back at him.

 

Look out for yourself and your life.

 

Shed the extra weight and your boyfriend. They are equally useless.

[marzipan75]

Hi Jennifer,

 

I am sorry to hear your story. Your boyfriend sounds insensitive and selfish. I am sure you love him but maybe it takes something like this to happen for you to do some thinking of your own. It sounds like he is more concerned about your gaining weight and that seems to make your efforts to not gain any worse for you. I think you should take a little bit of time for yourself and think about why you want to lose weight. If you think you need to then fine, but do it for you and not for anyone else. I've been there and the only thing I can tell you is that you need to want to lose weight for yourself not for someone's image of how you should be. You live your life for you and not for other people, someone told me that and it has stuck with me ever since.

 

Think about the state of your current relationship, how does it work/not work for you? If you are happier than unhappy then you need to think about whether or not you want to be with this kind of person. I know that's extremely painful to consider but if your own health is beginning to suffer over this then you gotta decide who's behind the wheel in this relationship. It sounds like he's got most of the control and I don't think it should be this way. Try talking to him after you've done some thinking and if you can't get it through his thick head how much he hurts you when he does this kind of thing then think about whether or not you can endure a relationship with him.

 

Sometimes it's better to be alone for the right reasons instead of with someone for the wrong ones, just for the sake of not being alone. Know what I mean?

 

I've just been through a horrible breakup and am beginning to realize that for whatever the reasons, my ex could not appreciate me the way I needed to be. Why do you want to be with someone if they can't love you for who you really are?

 

Think about it. That's all I can say.

 

Hope that helps you. Good luck and be kind to yourself because you deserve better.

 

Marzipan

My boyfriend won't stop talking to be about my weight even though I'm not fat! Okay, I admit that I don't have a figure like Julia Roberts and I would like to loose a few pounds but I look good and am an attractive woman. One time he thought he was helping me by reminding me that I took a big piece of pie for dessert when we were at my grandparent's house for dinner, but I kind of got upset and told him I didn't like to be nagged or reminded when going out places for dinner because I like to enjoy my food. He told me that when I tell him not to eat certain foods he is happy because it shows I care about him, but it is different with men, isn't it? He promised then to never to comment on my eating habits again unless I asked his opinion.

 

A last weekend I went away for business and at the airport before leaving he said don't pig out too much. This really hurt me and when I was alone I ended up doing exactly what he told me not to do: pig out in a restaurant because I felt bad. Ever since I've been back we've gotten into lots of little arguements. Yesterday I told him I didn't mind if he talked about certain things, but the weight topic was "out-of-limits" because it only made me upset even if he thinks he's helping me. First thing this morning before I had to leave for work he calls me up to tell me he was thinking about what I said about the weight thing and he was concerned about it because once I had said in defense that I didn't care if I gained weight because he should love me for who I am.

 

He said just for the future (if I become fat) that he isn't attracted to fat women and I told him to please drop the subject because he was starting to upset me. He kept going on and on about it until I got so nervous that I just hung up on him and burst into tears. I was so upset that I lost my appetite and felt sick to my stomach. My sister didn't know what was wrong with me and when I told her she wanted to call my boyfriend up to give him hell. This ruined my whole day.

 

I just don't understand why a man would be so obsessive about my weight. How can I convince him that what he is doing is destructive and undermining to my self-esteem and that he is NOT helping me???

 

[Miss Mojo]

hi jennifer,

 

firstly, i want to ask you a question. i will understand if you don't want to answer, but is your weight in proportion to your height? if you are not sure, then maybe you should visit a doctor to discuss your weight. finding out what your body mass index (bmi) is also a way to determine if you are likely to develop a weight problem.

 

secondly, many girls i know fail to realise the difference between the need to lose weight and the need to TONE their body. for example, i am quite slim myself, but heck, i have some *serious* toning to do before summer comes around. i sure as hell *do not* need to lose weight, just to tone up. but for those girls who don't think like i do, they may think the extra flab they have developed over winter (i live down under), means they need to lose weight. for many it doesn't because they are not overweight.

 

i would also suggest that you visit your doctor to make sure you don't have any psychological problems in relation to food and body image. i'm glad to hear you don't look like julia roberts. personally, i think her figure is boring (although, she has good height, which makes her a great clothes horse).

 

just for the record, down here in australia, we have recently come to the conclusion of our very first 'big brother' series. one of the contestants in the show, named sara-marie, is what most would consider quite a large chick, but she has a *huuuuuuuuuge* fan base here. i have a lot of male friends who think she is incredibly sexy....sexier than the stick-thin chicks in the show, because sara-marie loves her body just as it is. honestly, she really is a gem example of just how sexy *personality and confidence* are. the public absolutely love her, because she oozes confidence and sex appeal. just quietly, she s***s on the claudia schiffers of this world.

 

now onto your boyfriend.....while he THINKS he is being considerate towards you, he is not. you obviously don't have a weight problem, because he stated that he is not attracted to overweight chicks, but he is still dating you....comprende??? i think he is being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate and masking it as concern. his "concern" is purely aesthetic. i can't help but feel it is verging on emotional abuse.

 

you proudly state that you look good and are attractive. that is a really good thing. i think you should give yourself more credit here....perhaps you need to lose about 90kgs i.e. your boyfriend.

 

best wishes

 

p.s. alternatively, you could cut out articles relating to penis enlargements and leave them on his desk.....or offer to buy him a pump.