Pity party post

[Grinning Maniac]

What in the world is wrong with you all? Way to beat up on a guy looking for help. Jesus you people are a bunch of pricks. Now I remember I don't bother talking about any of my problems on this board anymore. You treat people like **** just because they're different than you are.

 

What on earth is so offensive about what this guy has said? He just said he doesnt want to date someone who he isn't attracted to or that has a kid that isn't his or a bunch of STDs. WHY WOULD ANYONE? You guys are beating up on his like he started demanding a model-hot 20 year old, of an exact height, exact weight, exact hair color, who drives a corvette and loves giving blowjobs.

 

I agree - it's not wrong to have standards - but don't put your standards at so high a level no one can possibly reach it. Then, possibly you will no longer be alone.

 

What...in the f**k? How is it an impossibly high standard for a person to be: under 200 lbs, not suicidal, carrying a raging case of the clap, and a couple of unplanned kids? Those standards seem pretty reasonable to me. Hell, my standards are probably higher and I can still find dates now and then. What's so unworthy about this guy to you all? I certainly don't think it's pompous for him to want to be with someone he likes. Yeesh. You're taking that line "beggars can't be choosers" a little damn far. Just because he's 25 and has never had a girlfriend doesn't mean that he should "start loving crackheads or shut up".

 

Yuck. You guys took one statement he made, twisted it all around and then treat him like a frickin monster. Get over yourself. Disgusting.

 

Also, I really can't buy that 6% thing. That seems very off somehow. If it isn't...then tell me something, who are you guys dating? What are your standards? Are you *wonderful* guys in the "6% worthy" catagory? If so, I'd love to know why...you seem pretty full of yourselves.

 

Cripes, all he said is that he wanted someone who he was attracted to and didn't like to cut herself. You guys are stoning him for that? **** yourselfs. Honestly. I'll bother posting a more helpful reply later but damn...you guys are just cold-hearted douches. Second thread in a row where you **** have basically advised the poster as such:

 

"HAHA YOU'RE SUCH A LOSER. I'D NEVER DATE ANYONE LIKE YOU EITHER! GO HANG YOURSELF, JERKOFF! NYAH-NYAH-NYAH!"

 

Ironically this guy was LESS offensive than the previous one and you beat up on him MORE. If you ask me, you're the ones who need help... Jeff, don't listen to these guys.

[Grinning Maniac]

Typical ignorant *shot*... no-one actually said anything about *wanting* fat, depressed, and STD-riddled partners.

 

Changing the subject just a tad: Why are you *deserving* of an *attractive* girl? What do you have to offer that would make one of those *attractive* girls drool over you?

 

Yet you've implied that HE deserves one, and should take it and shut up. How kind of you.

 

The second part of your post is just too screwed up to bother with. "Deserve" and "entitled to" are two very different things. I love the double standard here as well, since you've all missed it.

 

If some chick who was married to an abusive husband came on LS crying about her troubles, I'd hear the term "you deserve better" about 20 times before the end of it...despite you not knowing the woman personally, just as you don't know this guy personally. But when this guy who's had **** luck with dating and came for advice shows up, all you do is insult him. Personality of a cockroach. Nice. You ****s are just mean. I would think that being a decent human being would make you deserving of someone equally decent. That does NOT mean "entitled to". Considering how hateful you folks have been to this poor bastard, I sincerely hope you're dating hillbilly midgets with drug habits. Otherwise you just got far too lucky.

 

"No! I deserve an attractive, STD free, single girl who has a pleasant demeanor and character. Is that so much to ask? Is it wrong to look for a girl without baggage?"

 

So - what - the rest of us deserve the rest of society?

 

Hey...genius, did you ever think that maybe EVERYONE should aim for that? I know I do. Why would *anyone* purposefully aim for the worst they could get? How stupid does that sound? You know you're not *looking* for someone who's coyote-ugly, 300 lbs, crys all the time, and has skitzophrenia and herpes. You are shoving words in the guys mouth to justify your own misplaced anger. He never said that he "deserved better chicks than you do". You painted that picture all by yourself. Surprisingly the rest of these dim bulbs jumped in too. Way to misrepresent. Shall I call you "Marc Antony"?

 

Also, he NEVER said that he dismissed "average girls". AGAIN you put a statement in his mouth that he didn't even make. Are you doing this on purpose? Get a grip.

[lindya]

IAlso I am taking antidepressants ( which I hate BTW ).

 

Has your doctor suggested any counselling ancillary to that? It seems to me that people are often prescribed meds without getting 1-1 help to look at some of the problems that might have led to them being on meds in the first place.

 

But still I am totally unused to touching or being intimate. I don't know what warmth is and people say I am too serious. I am cold and distant and I am having a severe problem meeting new people and turing them into friends.

 

Have you ever thought about about booking a few massage sessions? The whole point of that is to relax the body - and at the same time it might help you get more used to another person's touch. Some people who grew up in a family where family members just didn't "do" cuddling, and where there were no pets, just aren't used to having physical contact with other living things. Was your family anything like that?

 

Thanks for reading my rant, I feel a little better now, but still depressed.

 

Think about the counselling. I know people on LS always go on about how "go for counselling" is an easy response - but if you find a good one, it seriously might change your life. Worth a shot - especially if you're on meds.

[drgnflybethany]

Okay - two long posts right in a row - ironically, where you are doing everything you accuse the rest of the people on here of doing.

 

So, in an attempt to be a complete brat, I propose the following:

 

lostjeff said:

"It's hard to find attractive, single girls, especially when you don't have much of a social network like me. I guess the internet is an option, but most of them are fat or have a mental problem."

 

Actually, more and more singles - attractive, like-minded, responsible, and secure adults are looking to the internet. This is especially true of busy professionals who don't have the time to attempt the dating scene in an attempt to widen their social circle. (Perhaps a very good suggestion for you, lostjeff... if you wouldn't simply just poo-poo the idea based on the notion that most women on the internet are fat or have mental problems.)

 

Yet, according to you, Grinning Maniac, "Cripes, all he said is that he wanted someone who he was attracted to and didn't like to cut herself."

 

Actually - no - he pointed to very attractive - and basically called most women on the internet fat - which - is pretty indicative of a snotty attitude.

 

Grinning Maniac then posed: "He just said he doesnt want to date someone who he isn't attracted to or that has a kid that isn't his or a bunch of STDs. WHY WOULD ANYONE?"

 

While no one would go into a bar and say, "Hey, which of you has a lot of baggage, is the ugliest person in the room with a STD and a bunch of kids," the point is - you try to get to know people - not just disregarding them for mistakes of their past. Let's take STD off the table for just a moment. He dismisses people with children so quickly - as do you - and basically call these women stupid. That term is so misogynistic, I don't even know where to begin. So - a guy can get girls X, Y, and Z pregnant - but don't dare let a girl get pregnant - even through rape, incest, or a broken condom. These women should be put on display and never dated by any rational human being ever again. So, this "terrific" guy should disregard THEM? WTF is up with THAT?!

 

Grinning Maniac also said:

"What...in the ****? How is it an impossibly high standard for a person to be: under 200 lbs, not suicidal, carrying a raging case of the clap, and a couple of unplanned kids?"

 

He's not looking for average here - average does not necessarily = attractive. Not in my book. The judgmental party here is you, sorry to say. He's not looking for under 200 lbs., not suicidal, not carrying a raging case of the clap, and a couple of unplanned kids - he's seeking perfection. MY OPINION: He's seeking a size 0 (evidenced by the term "fat") with double DD's, and beautiful with no kids, no baggage, and no STDs. That he's focusing on looks alone is the disturbing factor. As, he is going to expect some girl to overlook this medical condition, but he can't overlook the fact that possibly, she was raped and therefore has an STD or a child? He's not even willing to get to that point of the story - he hears the world child and he bolts.

 

And the most disturbing comment of all: "I'd hear the term "you deserve better" about 20 times before the end of it...despite you not knowing the woman personally, just as you don't know this guy personally."

 

NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE PUNCHED, KICKED, BATTERED, BRUISED, or otherwise abused. Wait a minute - no HUMAN deserves that either. I don't care what she said, what she did. And this - points to your true nature - that you think a man has the defense for ever hurting a woman says a lot about your character. I suppose, my mother deserved to be strangled in front of a police station by her ex-husband, a raging alcoholic, and she deserved to go into the police station, where she deserved to hear, "we're sorry, ma'am... we can't help you - that's domestic..." Your attitude is exactly why more women are killed by their husbands than STDs.

 

There are two types of deserves here: negative and positive. No one deserves the negative... no one really actually deserves the positive, either, come to think about it.

 

So... your last comment I will address:

"Also, he NEVER said that he dismissed "average girls"."

 

But, yes he did:

"No! I deserve an attractive, STD free, single girl who has a pleasant demeanor and character. Is that so much to ask? Is it wrong to look for a girl without baggage?" (Attractive does not equal average.)

 

"I am a great guy and I deserve a great girl, and for you to say otherwise is evidence of your own insecurities." (He's putting the blame back on the commenter here, and I believe it was my post...) I could give a flip about this guy - in my universe, I don't know where he lives, what he looks like, what his passions are... Yet, it's my problem? I'm not the 25 year old virgin here...

 

"So you would chose a fat girl over me? Are you a lesbian? But fine, if physical characteristics are not important to you then so be it, I don't care. We simply differ on that point. But I exercise and I would prefer a girl that prefered to live a healthy livestyle as well, thats all." - And my favourite post. Because I would prefer the company of a woman he would so readily dismiss, I'm a lesbian... GREAT to know.

 

Look, GM - I didn't call him out - I explained that he needed to start treating people with respect to earn it - then, maybe women will want to talk to him.

I know a guy who loves women - he loves to look at them, he doesn't deserve a great looking girl, but he is a playa-playa extraordinaire. He is upfront with these women, tells them he is not a boyfriend... and we are nothing more than friends... Yet - he treats those women with more respect, and me, as well with more respect than I just got - when I was called a lesbian?

 

I said - he needed to treat people with respect - and as everyone should... I get called on the carpet for it - and you get p*#&y with me?

[Grinning Maniac]

...and suddenly a dove appears out of the swarm of locusts.

 

Great post, Lindya.

[Grinning Maniac]

I'm sorry...have you gone mad? You think I'm defending wife beaters now? You've got to be kidding me. Lady, you are out of your mind. I'd never thought I'd meet a person more sensationalistic than I could be...but baby you make me look NORMAL.

 

He never said he was seeking perfection. Not once in this entire thread. Please stop making up bullsh*t. Is it really that hard? Attractive doesn't mean "model hot". Are there only two kinds of women in your world or something? I've dated women who I'd consider "average" yet I still considered them attractive. Average means average, you dope. Average means middle of the spectrum, not ugly-not scorching. Since when did average mean "ew". When a chick's ugly, I won't mince words about it.

 

About the "women on dating sites are all fat" thing, it's that a pretty common assumption. It's not necessarily true these days, but does that make him a snob? Maybe he just hasn't tried those sorts of sites. Not everyone does. Why are you making it personal? Notice that your first advice was NOT to suggest that he try a dating site, but to bash him for saying such a HORRIBLE thing.

 

As for "not calling him out", you called him a jackass and said he had the personality of a cockroach. Who are you trying to fool?

 

Now I see how the thread got out of hand. It appears you have the tendency to take things that people say and blow them up into huge nasty vile comments...that don't even exist. I thought that it would have been obvious what I was getting at by the analogy, but since you missed it: People on LS are quick to say that people "deserve better" in all ****ty situations. But somehow this guy does not. Yet you know him just as little.

 

You are just a little bit nutty. But anyway, it's good to see the thread is getting some USEFUL advice now. So I'm done bickering.

[drgnflybethany]

Well... I'm just so going to take that personally... let's see - he called me a lesbian.. and hmmm.... what else prior to me making the jackass comment?

 

And I never personally called him a jackass - I said, I would prefer the company of someone with a pleasant demeanor over that of a jackass with the personality of a cockroach anyday.

 

And, sorry - I take the comment - well, if this was a woman being beaten by her husband post, you'd all be saying you don't deserve that - without actually knowing the woman - to mean - well, if you knew her and the situation, there may be justifiable reasons for her husband beating her. There are none. Regardless of the situation - no one deserves to be beaten. But, regardless of this situation, he doesn't deserve some hot, attractive, woman't attention just because he's a hot guy. Especially when he doesn't respect people... and yes, I do take personally the comment that most people online are fat or have mental problems, mostly because I know it's not true - it really isn't, just another raging stereotype to fight down...

 

Seems like you have a problem with people not knowing each other giving advice to one another... perhaps you have a problem with this site in general.

 

So, let's see - I used your words, never called you a name, never made it personal - yet you are the one that basically goes out and makes a personal attack and then attacks further because I defend my position? With your own and his own words?

[Art_Critic]

Seems like you have a problem with people not knowing each other giving advice to one another... perhaps you have a problem with this site in general.

 

GM and his posts are always on the money..I don't think he has a problem with LS.. But I think his problem is with the posters on this thread..

 

I think he is right.. the posters on this thread have done nothing but berate lostjeff.. perhaps because of his past posts I don't know..

 

One thing is for sure and that is jeff hasn't received any advice worth using. This is a person who has come here for advice because he has a REAL problem.. How is beating on him part of a solution to his problem ?

[Becoming]

No wonder the lostjeff fears letting anyone get too close to him!

 

Yet, lostjeff, are you not perpetuating the problem by attacking people first and thereby insuring that no one gets too close?

[Grinning Maniac]

*sigh*

 

Dragonfly, you said: "a toned jackass with the personality of a cockroach who whines about the fact that he deserves a woman who is 25 and under, without baggage or no children or no STD's, etc."

 

If you really expect anyone to believe that you weren't referring specifically to lostjeff... If you'd still like to prattle on, feel free to stop by the thread I made over in General Relationship Discussion, responding to your single mommy comment. Other than that...can we maybe get back to helping lostjeff?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I'd like to re-iterate the question Lindya asked, since we've kinda gone to the next page with all the "GRRRRRR". Jeff, do you have any idea as to why exactly you're so uncomfortable with being touched? Was your family the more distant sort when you were growing up? I thought that was a good question so I didnt want it to go buried.

 

A few questions of my own:

 

1) You say that you've never had a g/f, had sex, kissed, etc. Have you been on a few dates at least? If so, would you mind talking about them in some detail? Just trying to get a feel for where you're struggling I suppose.

 

2) Might we get a clue as to what this medical prob of yours was/ Not asking for any specifics obviously, as thats clearly quite personal, but think you could give a ballpark idea of what the prob was or at least how long you were laid up for (assuming you were debilitated of course). Just wondering.

 

First question's most important though as I find one of the things that can really screw things up with dating is incorrect communication. I'm 20 (21 soon) and I've only had a couple of girlfriends, a sprinkling of other assorted dates, and I only started dating when I was like 18. So we can relate partially. One thing that REALLY messed things up for me is not knowing how to communicate. I'd either talk too much and ruin the conversation (hadn't learned that there was a fine balance with talking/listening/asking) or I'd end up being too blunt and offending the girl. I was awkward as hell. So communication skills (or lack thereof) can effect a lot.

 

PPS: Dragonfly, if you're a chick and say to a guy that you'd prefer to date [insert random chick] as opposed to them, don't get shocked at any lesbo comments. I was assuming you were a dyke by that comment too. Not that it matters, but 1+1 = 2 in my mind. If I said that I'd rather go out with a nice guy who's average than a hot but rude chick...hey...people will ask me weird questions and assume things. Deal with it. I really don't think it was some "If you don't like me you're clearly a dyke" comment so much as a "you implied that you liked broads" comment.

[Milo]

I got one piece of advice for you, Jeff. Stop bein' angry and start bein' funny. Women like a funny man. Hell, everyone likes a funny man. No one likes an angry man. Damn, that's true.

 

Now if you can learn to have fun with your anger, well, that's a self-satisfied kind of man.

[Bogun]

One thing is for sure and that is jeff hasn't received any advice worth using. This is a person who has come here for advice because he has a REAL problem.. How is beating on him part of a solution to his problem ?

I disagree art critic, I think the advice for jeff is here on the thread. Ok its not as clear as it could be, but the thing that readers have picked up on is this guys attitude. I'm not saying he's an a**h***, but people emit all kinds of "energies" or "vibes" which people pick up on subconsciously. Some people give out a warmth, while others will be cold. Did he not say this himself? It explains why some people will draw people to them, and others like Jeff will push people away from themselves.

 

If jeff wants to change this, then he should stop viewing himself as the centre of the universe and focusing on "me me me me". Donate some time or money to a charity, go and rescue an animal from the pound, clean the old grannies car that lives next door. Develop some genrosity in your life and you will start to become one of those "warm" people, and then I guarantee you will have women lining up for you.

 

Note: "Warm" person does not = nice woosy guy.

[loony]

I think he is right.. the posters on this thread have done nothing but berate lostjeff.. perhaps because of his past posts I don't know..

 

One thing is for sure and that is jeff hasn't received any advice worth using. This is a person who has come here for advice because he has a REAL problem.. How is beating on him part of a solution to his problem ?

I think the somewhat angry reaction of a couple of posters does reflect very well lostjeff's problem. He comes across as arrogant with a heightened sense of entitlement, simple as it is, and this enfuriated a lot of people and made them start arguing with him. I think he does need to connect more with people and acquire better social skills, then he would understand why his comment that he wanted an STD free, etc. girl had to be perceived so negatively. I find it difficult as well to help people with whom I can't connect at all.

[penkitten]

this day in time the average american at age 25 has at least one child, and has most likely experienced at least one form of std whether curable by meds or not.

 

heck this day in age, a man with strep throat can spread it to a woman via oral sex and it remain in her pelvic area causing pid.

 

 

the entire point of this thread was NEVER to have people make fun of him, its to say STOP crying about not meeting the right women. GO out and meet the type you want . you can plan to meet a woman with all the credintials you like, however do not be blind to your perfect match and someone who will treat you best based on her not having any children before she met you, or based on never ever having a form of a std, someone who is the perfect weight or height, and other society phobias.

you will miss out on alot that life has to offer.

 

sometimes people need a swift kick in the ....

[Sand&Water]

I feel like crap tonight.

 

I am 25 and have never had a girlfriend, no flings, never had sex or even kissed a girl. I will be 26 soon.

 

Now I have made some massive steps recently towards improving myself. For instance, I have started an internship to get my foot into a career that is a hell of a lot better than my current retail job. I also joined a gym where I work out 4-5 times a week, and have gotten more toned. Also I bought a new car. Also I am taking antidepressants ( which I hate BTW ). Now I just need some new clothes.

 

But still I am totally unused to touching or being intimate. I don't know what warmth is and people say I am too serious. I am cold and distant and I am having a severe problem meeting new people and turing them into friends.

 

Thanks for reading my rant, I feel a little better now, but still depressed.

 

*I have something good to say, please read. Because by now you probably have already given up on reading these ridiculous posts. Thank You

 

Dear Lostjeff,

 

Ignore those jerks, that have been causing trouble and displaying bad manners. You shouldnt waste your time on them, you deserve the best advice for your post. Do NOT let anything bad that has been said get to you. I know it may seem hard, but I know that your on the right track to a healthy and beautiful future.

 

First off, I know exactly what you've been going through. Well maybe not exactly but close enough. If I could, I would share my story here, but I cant. Its too painful for me to type, let alone share verbally with someone. So your not alone.

 

I dont know what type of advice I can offer to you, since I, myself dont know whats appropriate to say in this situation. However, I know one thng for sure and that is: All the things you've been doing (ie career, going to the gym) are a wonderful start to a beautiful future and a healthy conscience.

 

Do not give up, no matter what anyone says. You must have faith for a better tomorrow, for a better you. At your age, 25 soon to be 26, its not too old to start doing anything. I can definately relate for this part, since I'll be heading done that age path soon. Take advantage of your time at this age, because you dont want to wake up the next day and realize that you're 30 and still feel rotten about yourself. I, for sure, dont want that for myself ... as a result I'm slowly progressing for better, bright, and happy days.

 

If you think your anti-depr. drugs are helping you, then stay on them. Try to go to a psychologist or therapy. I know that this has been mentioned before, but its better than sitting in a corner and rotting forever.

 

Last but not least, intimate encounters come at your own pase. No one is going to force you to do anything. So I suggest you slowly start having innocent conversations with people at a store, grocery,cafe, or even the gym. Start with that, and slowly, even if it takes you months, decide when you want to go to a higher level.

 

If you have anymore questions or comments ... fell free to post here and ask me anything and everyone else thats willing to give sound advice/comments.

I know I havent covered everything. I really really hope this helps.

 

Good Luck, and Best Wishes.