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Help me! Sabotage or Smarts?


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Okay I'm a rare girl. I'm in my 30's and so far in my life I've been a serial monogamist. I've never been the girl for one night stands etc. I'm two years out of an 8 year relationship and while I've been social...y'know.

 

Yesterday marks the 4 month anniversary of me dating Mr. Wonderful. He seems too good to be true. I mean he thinks I'm gorgeous and prefers me to be naked when we hang out with each other and we have spent every weekend together since we've met. His past is a bit more checkered than mine - and even those he's younger than me he's been with 4x the amount of people that I've been with.

 

This hasn't been an issue except for the last couple of weeks. One night as we were at his apt. his cellular started ringing once at like 9, then at 10:30, then at midnight and then again at 1am - he didn't pick up any of the calls which bothered me. His computer is close to where we chill in his house and the next morning when he turned it on a stored Yahoo IM popped up full of floating hearts and the message read: I love you...I miss you.

 

So needless to say I was upset. He told me it was from some chick that lived out of state that he had a long distance thing with. So I asked if that was her calling the night before and he was like, No that was Monique. (A girl he dated for a few months before they realized they were better off as friends). I was pretty upset - because I don't know any female that calls or feels entitled to call on a weekend night like that unless she is looking for a booty call.

 

We argue about Monique and the next weekend I'm at his house and she begins calling again. He stresses to me that they are just friends. I ask him when the last time he has spoken with her and he then tells me that she stopped by earlier that week and he didn't invite her in rather he went out to the curb and smoked a cigarette with her.

 

She calls consistantly and now there is ANOTHER girl..(granted he says she is married) who is in town from Texas and he went to 'catch up' with her tonight. I'm so upset...Between the girl sending instant messages, Monique, Rita who is in from out of town...and all of the others....

 

1.) why didn't he ask me to go along?

2.) Am I an idiot since he really is Mr. Wonderful am I sabatoging something great with Jealousy? He is really sincere when he assures me he is not the cheating type and he's a one woman man and that He wouldn't f up a good thing and I'm a good thing....everything I need to be hearing

3.) Am I being smart by being vigilant and protecting myself from being cheated on? Are all of these signs that I should be running for the hills...

 

Please help me out....

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I take it this is the same guy that wants you to urinate on him?

 

I've always been of the opinion that men can not just be friends with women, unless they're relatives or one party is gay or there is a significant age difference. If they tell you that they are just friends they are lying. He may not be banging them, but I'd put money on him thinking about doing it. Of course I could be wrong and he could be part of the 0.00000001% of men that can be just friends with women without wanting to get sexual with them.

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I'd have to agree with the other two posts - I mean, even if he's got other women friends - they shouldn't be THAT close... because, really... if he's serious about YOU, then shouldn't YOU be all that to him? I'd be concerned.

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Tread cautiously. Really no way to draw a definite conclusion. But, there are people who know how to give you what you want so they can get what they want.

 

He is likely burning the candle at both ends.

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This guy sounds like a guy a dated a while back. He wanted me to pee on him too ( I didn't maybe that's what I did wrong?), and had mysterious female friends, and an ex that kept popping in the picture. It didn't turn out so well for us. He was a sex addict I think, because he could not keep it in his pants I found out. Then he one day asked me Ms. Monogomous if I gave him an STD! Where does he get off?!? Oh, I forgot, with everyone lol. Hopefully we are talking about 2 different men...

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He's got a past. He never said he hadn't

 

If you have a problem with this then pake a point of going along with him to be sure that the past is in the past.

 

But you have a problem too. You are making a fuss about mindnight phone calls. From his past. If you make such a fuss then you wont be welcome when he visits old friends.

 

Finally I cna answer one question. About who calls at midnight. A girl from his past who is trying to drive a wedge between you guys. And, from your post, it sonds like she is succeeding. And laughing at you behind your back all the way.

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